Missing RPC - A Forest That Hates
A sequel to RPC-819. Apologies if it feels rushed, needed to get it out on the forums.
Missing RPC - A Forest That Hates [POSTED]
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» Missing RPC - A Forest That Hates [POSTED]
Summary:
Its A Forest That Hates
Why can’t they communicate with the RPC indirectly using such things as a drone with a mic such that there is no possible way that a researcher may be harmed? It would also make it easier to follow containment procedures. Wrap a drone in garlic if you really need to.
The RPC’s statement— referring to its others as brethren that also observe and hate as much as itself— could be interpreted such that all vegetation that comprise RPC-819 have individualistic sapience. What I mean by this is that you could technically communicate with one tree and another would not say the same exact thing in response. Why then would they then not try to kill each other for being just as murderous as animals? RPC-819 did clearly state that it hates itself. What about animals that don’t “kill?” Does RPC-819 consider herbivores murderers? What about plants that kill other plants despite the fact that they cannot observe? There are plenty of parasitic or invasive plants around the world. Would it have a critical meltdown of ideology if you provided it proof that things that cannot observe are also capable of indiscriminate murder?
Also, if the RPC is such a threat and the Authority can control area spread with fires, I find it questionable why they don’t just destroy RPC-819 while the area is still controllable. It clearly doesn’t seem to want to stop. An approval for neutralization of the RPC would allow for more resources within the Authority to be diverted elsewhere.
Applied.
Specifics
Abstract
the ability to expand the parameters of its region through the consumption of blood.
I don’t think “parameters of its region” sound right. At least, I’ve never heard the word “parameters” used that way. Maybe just “area of effect”?
It is also known that RPC-819 is capable of visual and auditory sensing through anomalous means, in spite of that, the region bears no method of verbal communication.
Maybe “visual and auditory perception”? Also, run-on sentence. I suggest:
“It is also known that RPC-819 is capable of visual and auditory perception through anomalous means. Despite this, the region is incapable of verbal communication.”
Therefore, all its expressions were through the use of written language, which happened by RPC-819 operating its roots to create letters.
“Therefore, all communication was through the use of written language, with RPC-819 operating its roots to create letters.”
Is this abstract talking about something they did in the past, or something they are planning to do in the future? It goes from a sentence talking in the past tense and ends with a sentence in the future tense.
Introduction
If allowed liberal practice of its anomalous abilities, RPC-819 has the potential of causing apocalyptical consequences spanning the entire globe, and hypothetically further
“If allowed liberal use of its anomalous abilities, RPC-819 has the potential to cause apocalyptic consequences across the entire globe, and hypothetically further.”
Might be laying it on a bit thick here with the whole “apocalyptic” thing. Especially the further part, that’s a bit ridiculous.
Therefore, understanding RPC-819's sapience to develop better containment protocols is necessary, by either nurturing its psyche or finding its motivation.
The second part of this after “by either nurturing” seems disconnected from the first part of the sentence. I would also maybe say something like “the limits of RPC-819’s sapience” or “the full extent of” just to make it a bit clearer, but that’s a nitpick.
However, the true extent of RPC-819's linguistic abilities was undetermined, and needed to be recorded beforehand
What needed to be recorded beforehand? Do you mean determined?
This paragraph switches tenses a bit. First sentence present, after that past
Materials + Methods
The attending researcher shall prepare a statement to propose to RPC-819.
I believe “present” not “propose” would be the better word here.
The attending researcher shall stand no less than 5 meters away from the sphere of influence.
Nitpick, but I would say “border of the sphere of influence”
Discussion
At least we gained some insight on the cause of some other anomalies.
Did they? Might want to expand on that a bit.
Final Thoughts
It’s okay. I might try and make 819’s responses a bit less complex, it seems to get a good grasp of English vocabulary and start using words like “brethren” pretty quickly, I think it might sound more alien and weird if it took longer for its language to improve. I also would maybe put in a few more details about how exactly they taught it language, though maybe that would be more of a separate document. That part made me curious. Also one last nitpick: there were parts of the dialogue (like it using punctuation) that seemed a little hard to imagine moving big roots to spell.
Overall, I think it’s an interesting expansion of your article that adds to it without explaining too much to remove any mystery.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
The main impression I have of this is that it's bland and not sufficiently substantial for a document. I know that's not a fun crit to receive or give, but allow me to make my case.
First off, this story is poorly suited to the format. I'm not just talking about the weird mix of themes, either. The AET tone is, as the name suggests, intended for documentation of anomaly experiments, e.g. not long-winded interview logs. Besides the format being ill-fitting, I also find that it's poorly utilized. It hardly looks like itself in this document; important elements that gave it a scientific flair are chucked for no apparent reason.
If you're insistent upon keeping the research angle, I think you should go all the way and drop the Missing RPC branding. This story on its own has nothing to do with the event anyway. However, what I think would be even better is if you dropped the formal research side entirely. Imagine how it would look in a more slapdash approach, featuring the hastily-written logs and makeshift procedures that characterize this particular event.
How they taught RPC-819 to communicate is underexplained. While it's certainly not out of character for the anomaly's level of intelligence, it feels like a narrative convenience more than a true development. It's not quite baked in properly. I could only picture them wheeling out a projector and playing preschool educational videos for the murder monster, which was too amusing not to entertain and left me in a less-than-serious mood for the rest of the document.
Now, the meat of this document is the interview table. Cards on the table, I do not care for the interview table. 8ismo once said that an experiment log is the worst way to tell a story, and regardless of that statement's veracity, I think we can all agree that this spreadsheet format doesn't do it any favors. It's unintuitive, and I found myself skimming it and skipping details…
That's not to say there were many meaningful details to miss. It's a risk in the document format that you can end up using a lot of space to tell very little, and I think this shows it. While RPC articles are guided by a set progression and the novelty of having a new concept, documents have to fend for themselves, and a document basically only serving to deliver one point is an understandable side effect of this. (For the record, that same hurdle is true for tales.)
Without a strong narrative outline, the burden falls on the dialogue to make the story entertaining. The dialogue here may not be criminally bad, but it is underwhelming. Every human character has the exact same "voice", whether they're an experienced researcher or a young cryptid hunter. There's very little true emotion to gleam from what they say, save for what is blatantly telegraphed. (e.g. "What kind of bullshit?" "It killed my dad because of that?")
A significant amount of dialogue is used in this document to tell the reader how to feel. There's a patronizing vibe whenever the document halts the narrative for a comment from a flat character saying, "that thing that happened happened!" It's especially useless in this particular story, where most everything is told directly in plain English to begin with.
Not all the dialogue is bad, but I'm going to point out a few of the bits that really irked me in this regard:
It doesn't need blood for sustenance. That's worrying, and worth investigating.
Well, ain't that contradictory?
Seems like it has a problem with intelligence.
Plants hate being seen? That doesn't make any sense.
I'm not sure if it counts as dialogue, but the entire closing "discussion" paragraph falls into this category. Why not use it for new contextual information? Maybe talk about how the researchers feel about the anomaly, or shift the story into a grander perspective? Whatever you do, don't make it a "tl;dr" of what just happened.
RPC-819's dialogue is clearly the document's highlight. Perhaps the overall style is run-of-the-mill for a "monster learning language" plot, but I like how grounded and overtly malicious its way of speaking is. The way its weird grasp on English is played with is striking as well.
For all it's worth, the exchange in the first five logs is priceless. The answer to the final question is also pretty cool; I especially like the sense of turmoil from its apparent attachment to the word "liar". (Were I more cynical, I could say I only like it for its potential to brutalize the rest of the cast, but I will leave that as a mere suggestion instead.)
As a whole, this document's biggest crime is being forgettable. Consider that this document's reveal boils down to "the sapient thing that kills people… wants to kill people?" and you may see what I mean. While it's intriguing how it begins to get humanized, that's restricted to subtext. (I do think that subtlety is the way to go here, but that it needs more material to work.)
When I heard there was a follow-up to RPC-819, what I was most excited for was to see the characters from the original get fleshed out further as people. A regular cryptid hunter spending 5 days in a living hell and escaping to become a part-time Authority researcher is pretty much unprecedented, and I was interested to see the more faceless researchers get some screen time as well. I wasn't expecting the anomaly itself to be the only significant focus, and while I did find new appreciation for it as a character, it can't make up all I was looking for.
What I do like, though, is seeing stories expand anomalies and cross-link articles. I'll give you credit for that.
(If trees hate everything, RPC-007 must've missed the memo lol)
The "abstract" paragraph is affected by the Wikidot text spacing bug that occurs when you use/close certain tags on the line directly before the text in the source. To fix this, add an extra newline after the "[[/=]]", or better yet, enclose the paragraph in the "center" tag for consistency with the rest of the page.
Additionally, the process for communication was kept as devoid of any fundamentally unnecessary resources, as to not alienate or inspire the anomaly.
Remove the first "as" and take out the second comma. (Note: I like the phrase "as to not alienate or inspire the anomaly".)
Communication with RPC-819 is to be conducted through the verbal speech of attending researchers.
"Verbal speech" is, I presume, the result of mental thoughts. (It's a redundancy)
Materials:
- Attending Researcher(s)
- Garlic necklace(s)
- RPC-819
- Approval by Head Researcher Ahmed
The first and last items aren't "materials". "Researcher" should not be capitalized in the first item either.
If you kill all non-vegetative life, you'll friends will die too.
Should be "your friends".
The threat of RPC-819 is worse than anticipated. it doesn't kill to survive,
Missing capitalization.
it has a vendetta against intelligent beings. That means all humans.
Thanks for the clarification?.. It just sounds silly.
The anomaly be destroyed, when the the stability of the veil can be ensured.
Unnecessary comma.
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