Okay, this is a marked improvement from the original. Is it good enough to stay up? I think so. Should this draft be further improved before release? Definitely. While the original version was too ambiguous to make heads or tails of, this version is often too ham-fisted.
It's progress for sure, but the execution of the story feels watered down. Each tablet can be summarized in a handful of bullet points, and the way they're connected lacks any kind of worldbuilding richness. Not only do I know zero specific details about the characters or their way of life, I'm pretty much certain that you haven't thought about them either. For now, all I see are "agent dad", "stock victim child", "filler family", and "the boss guy from tablet 3".
If you want people to feel strong emotions for the characters themselves, write characters the reader can get to know.
Now, back to the infamous erosions. When it comes down to it, most of the erosions here don't add anything. Barely any of them are placed on words of significance.
You [eroded] so excited to open [eroded] presents that your cousins [eroded] gotten you.
Now, don't get me wrong; I like the gimmick. It's tolerable and lends a unique quality to the reading experience. I just have a hard time believing that they would leave such simple words blank instead of filling them in based off of assumptions.
The funeral [eroded] beautiful.
Eroding a bunch of unimportant words is pretty much a given if you want to communicate the gimmick effectively, but honestly I think you should be more generous with eroding meaningful parts. My fondness for the final tablet has actually lessened because there's not as much left to the imagination now.
Sometimes I'm not even convinced the erosions have words behind them:
I [eroded] hope that you [eroded] forgive me.
(fun game: replace every instance of "eroded" with "expletive")
Also, it's rather unbelievable that they could translate the inscription at the top of the entrance into a rhyming English poem.
The ending was good. It didn't make me cry or anything, but I certainly felt the feel it was going for. I hope the rest of the story gets improved, so it can be even more impactful. 3.5/5?
P.S. I miss the image :(
find a new one please