RPC-699 Cuban Misiles
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/ronnymodzz-sandbox
My first RPC, all critic and opinions are welcome. (Also i'm ESL so sorry for kinda bad english lol)
RPC-699 Cuban Misiles
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» RPC-699 Cuban Misiles
Any reported sightings intercepted and removed by DEP-010, followed by the amnestization of the author and any witnesses.
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Any reported sightings of NEO-382 must be intercepted and removed by DEP-010, followed by the amnestization of the author and any witnesses.
projectiles should a RPC-699-∆ event reoccur.
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projectiles should an RPC-699-∆ event reoccur.
MST Alpha-3 "Scavengers" there are entrusted
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MST Alpha-3 "Scavengers" are entrusted
military reports around the world.
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military reports worldwide.
RPC-699 is the designation given to a series of originally 6 ballistic missiles, located 2500km outside the Earth's atmosphere, in the NEO1 ███████-382.
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RPC-699 is the designation given to a series of initially six ballistic missiles located 2500km above the Kármán Line in the NEO1 ███████-382.
This being further motivating to believe that the rest of the missile structure is adapted to withstand these speeds.
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This property further solidifies the notion that the rest of the missile structure is adapted to withstand these acceleration forces.
intervention in the installation and improvement of RPC-699 instances, since after a contact and communication
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intervention in installing and improving RPC-699 instances. After contact and communication
be human. And that they were only fulfilling a "treaty".
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be human. Moreover, they were only fulfilling a "treaty."
Due to the lack of research and meritorious evidence, for the moment these extraterrestrial entities have not been catalogued as anomalies.
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Due to the lack of research and meritorious evidence, these extraterrestrial entities have yet to be cataloged as anomalies.
The 6 instances of RPC-699 target 6 Cuba's cities.
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There have been six instances of RPC-699 targeting Cuba's cities.
Minutes later it was
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Minutes later, it was
Minutes later, it was identified as a ballistic missile unknown at the time. An anti-ballistic reaction by the AEDF was impossible due to the high speed of the missile in such short lapse of time, the impact on the city of Cumanayagua was imminent.
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Minutes later, it was identified as a ballistic missile. Due to the high speeds, no anti-ballistic reaction at the AEDF's disposal could not intercept the extraterrestrial missiles during the brief available time window. The impact on the city of Cumanayagua was imminent.
The authority censured and amnestized any remaining
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The Authority censured and amnestized any remaining
The city was placed under absolute quarantine under the pretext of a serious yellow fever endemic until the damage caused could be repaired and rectified.
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The city was placed under quarantine under the pretext of a yellow fever pandemic until the damage caused could be rectified.
Rank:Agent
Unit:ACI Intelligence
Date:12/09/1969
Authorized By:Principal
Site:Puerto-
Reason:Discussion
Add a space between the ":" and the first letter.
Prelude - "Intial approaching"
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Prelude - "Initial Approach"
the Authority and the Public Relations Department contacted with the (MINFAR) to clarify what ocurred and
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the Authority and the Public Relations Department contacted the (MINFAR) to clarify what occurred and
ruled out the authority as possibly responsible
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ruled out the Authority as possibly responsible
due to the Cold War, and the previous missile crisis produced on 1962.
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due to the Cold War and the previous missile crisis produced in 1962.
In regards to the above-mentioned series of events, we recommend:
1. The Authority mantains the surveillance and protocols on Camayaguama and the general Cuba's airspace in assembly with the MINFAR.
2. The Authority gather more about the real causes of the RPC-699-∆ event.
3. The authority maintains constant meetings with the Cuban government, in order to avoid a conflict between the United States and Cuba.
To
In regard to the above-mentioned series of events, we recommend the following:
1. The Authority maintains the surveillance and protocols on Camayaguama and general Cuba's airspace in assembly with the MINFAR.
2. The Authority gather more intel on the actual causes of the RPC-699-∆ event.
3. The Authority maintains constant meetings with the Cuban government to avoid a conflict between the United States and Cuba.
Change the Red Text to a darker color. The font is barely visible.
The following file contains sensitive information, and is Level 5/669 Classified
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The following file contains sensitive information and is Level 5/669 Classified.
After further research and dialogues with the extraterrestrial entities in NEO ███████-382. We were able to discover the main causes of the incident and the installation of the instances in the first place.
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After further research and dialogues with the extraterrestrial entities in NEO ███████-382, personnel discovered the leading causes of the incident and their point of origin.
Morse and alphanumeric codes, used at
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Morse and alphanumeric codes used at
It is not really known why the Soviet Union would have a special code to attack one of its principal allies, but the hypothesis most accepted by the personnel in charge of the investigation indicates a contingency plan in case of a treachery on the part of Cuba and Fidel Castro.
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It is unknown why the Soviet Union would have a unique code to attack one of its principal allies. The leading hypothesis most accepted by investigators is that the attack was a contingency plan gone wrong, designed to destroy Cuba and Fidel Castro in cases of treachery.
MINFAR will be lied to, documents which affirm the Soviet Involvement and the use of R36-M missiles in this success will be hidden from.
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MINFAR will be lied to, and documents that affirm the Soviet use of R36-M missiles in this operation will be hidden.
Likewise, an in-depth contact with these extraterrestrial entities must be carried out, establishing containment protocols and an investigation by the research division against them, avoiding as well a belligerent conflict. Also to know the reasons that led the Soviet Union to make a treaty with these beings, and even if it is the only treaty made with them.
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Likewise, contact with these extraterrestrial entities must be ascertained for possible diplomatic options. Countermeasures must also be researched to establish a containment protocol during a worst-case scenario. Understanding why the Soviet Union made a treaty with these beings might give more insight into how they operate.
(account deleted)¶ indicates a need for a paragraph break
First Impression
Good use of the format, could use an image but it doesn’t necessarily need one to work. It looks pretty good overall.
Conprocs/Hazards
Hazard Types
This appears twice, cut.
NEO ███████-382 has been removed from the databases of the major astronomical agencies, as well as from websites that mention it.
Any reference or information regarding NEO etc has been and must continue to be removed from the database of any major astronomical agency and any website that references the anomaly.
Any reported sighting of ███████-382 should be promptly intercepted by the DEP-010, removed, and the author amnestized, and if necessary, those who saw it will also be amnestized.
Any reported sightings… intercepted and removed by DEP-010, followed by the amnestization of the author and any witnesses.
Misinformation efforts about the event RPC-699-∆ are constantly carried out, eliminating any historical records or reports about it.
Misinformation efforts related to any RPC-699 events are in effect, including historical records and reports.
In the case of a new RPC-699-∆ event, the AEDF will use multiple S-400 Triumf anti-ballistic missiles in the quicker possible response time. At the same time, the MST Alpha-3 ("Scavengers) will be deployed in order to find and recover the remains of the intercepted RPC-699 instance, and eliminating any record of what happened on radars and military reports around the world.
The AEDF is authorized to utilize S-400 Triumf anti-ballistic missiles to neutralize projectiles should a RPC-699-∆ event reoccur. MST Alpha-3 “Scavengers” no parentheses needed there are entrusted with disinformation and retrieval efforts of intercepted instances.
What is “Triumf”? Do you mean Triumph?
Expect more crit to be added here for the description later.
ConProcs
A 24-hour constant surveillance system is currently in place at the missile silos of the RPC-699 instances.
A 24-hour constant surveillance system is currently in place at the RPC-XXX missile silos. Just sounds a bit better
The AEDF is authorized to utilize S-400 Triumph anti-ballistic missiles to neutralize projectiles should an RPC-699-∆ event reoccur.
I looked it up, according to Wikipedia, Triumf actually is the correct spelling as it is Russian.
BetterMyButter already pointed out most of the issues with this section I would say, so I’ll move on.
Description
RPC-699 is the designation given to a series of initially six ballistic missiles located 2500km above the Kármán Line in the NEO-1███████-382.
RPC-699 is the designation given to a group of initially six ballistic missiles located within missile silos on the surface of ███████-382, a Near Earth Object2 located 2500km above the Kármán Line.
I think I’m reading it right that they are not just hanging in midair, in which case this description is a bit cleaner and tighter.
Positioned in various missile silos around the surface of ███████-382, instances of RPC-699 have shown, according to some studies and analysis by the AEDF, liquid propellants that exhibit the anomalous ability to reach MACH-20 velocity as soon as they are deployed from their silo. This property further solidifies the notion that the rest of the missile structure is adapted to withstand these acceleration forces.
According to studies and analysis carried out by the AEDF, RPC-XXX instances possess anomalous liquid propellants that allow them to reach MACH-20 velocity as soon as they are deployed from their silo.
The second sentence that I bolded is a bit weird, as you're bringing up and providing evidence for a theory that you haven't previously mentioned.
Also to the footnote:
As a reference, the █-3█-M model is barely capable of reaching a speed of 7.5km/h.
For reference, the █-3█-M model is capable of reaching a maximum speed of 7.5 km/h.
So if I'm reading this whole thing right, the Soviet Union is partially responsible and these are their missiles. It might be best to black out the whole name before the final note, since I'm assuming R36-M is a real thing, so only censoring part of it makes no sense.
Several investigations confirm the extraterrestrial presence and intervention in installing and improving RPC-699 instances.
Investigations have confirmed an extraterrestrial presence on NEO-███████-382 responsible for installing and *improving* RPC-699.
Couple nitpicks: you use the phrase "RPC-XXX instances" a lot; that can sound very weird because it is repetitive. Also, "improving" might not be the right word here if you're not going to talk about what improvements they'd be making; "maintaining" might be better.
After contact and communication through mnemonic morse code with the radio antennas from one of the RPC-699 instances, the entities affirmed not to be human. Moreover, they were only fulfilling a "treaty." Due to the lack of research and meritorious evidence, these extraterrestrial entities have yet to be cataloged as anomalies.
These entities confirmed they were not human after the Authority made contact with them via mnemonic Morse code, and claimed that their actions were in fulfillment of a "treaty."
Is that a radio antenna on the missile, or do you mean on one of the silos? Not sure about that last sentence either. A better way of phrasing it might be "Due to their poorly understood nature, these entities have yet to be catalogued as anomalies."
Please note I'm not 100% satisfied with how I rephrased this particular segment, feel free to ignore it.
There have been six instances of RPC-699 targeting Cuba's cities.. Among which are; The Habana, Santiago de Cuba, Holguin, Camaguey, Guantanamo and Cumanayagua. Cumanayagua is the only city so far affected by an instance of RPC-699.
Each instance of RPC-699 all target a city in Cuba. These cities are Havana, Santiago de Cuba, Holguin, Camaguey, Guantanamo and Cumanayagua. Cumanayagua is the only city so far affected by an instance of RPC-699.
"Havana" is the English spelling. Also, how do they know where they're targeted?
RPC-699 was discovered on 07/09/1969, following an AEDF report of an extraterrestrial UFO entering the Earth's atmosphere. Minutes later it was identified as a ballistic missile unknown at the time.3
RPC-699 was discovered on 07/09/1969, following an AEDF report of an unidentified object entering the Earth's atmosphere. Minutes later it was identified as a ballistic missile of a then unknown design.4
You repeat "Minutes later, it was identified as a ballistic missile."
Due to the high speeds, no anti-ballistic reaction at the AEDF's disposal could not intercept the extraterrestrial missiles during the brief available time window.
Due to its high velocity, no anti-ballistic defense at the AEDF's disposal could intercept the missile during the time available.
The sentence about the impact right after these feels out of place.
The authority censured and amnestized any remaining witnesses or survivors of the event, which was catalogued as RPC-699-∆. However, censorship on a global level was not necessary, as only the military radars of the U.S. bases in the Ascension Islands were able to perceive the instance.
The Authority censored and amnestized all witnesses or survivors of the event, which was cataloged as RPC-699-∆. Censorship on a global level was deemed unnecessary, as only the military radars of the U.S. bases in the Ascension Islands were able to detect the instance.
This is another point where you use "instance". It might be better to say RPC-XXX-1 a few times, but that's your decision.
So this part here is where I think it gets a little weird, you don't actually say what happened to the city. You make some references to “survivors” and “damage” but a missile hitting a city during the freaking Cold War is not something you can just gloss over. Reading this section just left me very confused. I think you need to expand on this paragraph and the following paragraph.
The city was placed under absolute quarantine under the pretext of a serious yellow fever endemic until the damage caused could be repaired and rectified. Even so, the incident reached the ears of the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro. He ordered an imminent meeting with the ACI and the Ministry of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Cuba (MINFAR). A report of the meeting is shown below.
The city was placed under absolute quarantine under the pretext of a serious yellow fever epidemic until the damage caused could be repaired and rectified. Even so, the incident came to the attention of the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro. He ordered an imminent meeting with the ACI and the Ministry of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Cuba (MINFAR). A report of the meeting is shown below.
Meeting Report
After becoming aware of what happened in Cumanayagua, the Authority and the Public Relations Department contacted with the (MINFAR) to clarify what ocurred and to briefly and superficially inform about RPC-699. Fidel Castro himself ordered a meeting with the Authority.
After the Cuban government became aware of what happened in Cumanayagua, the Authority and the Public Relations Department contacted MINFAR to clarify what occurred and to briefly and superficially inform them about RPC-699. Fidel Castro himself ordered a meeting with the Authority.
Second sentence contradicts first sentence.
ACI's main concern was retaliation and the termination of the Authority's activities in the Island by the Cuban government. Therefore, a meeting was urgently needed.
Second sentence feels unnecessary but use your best judgment.
At the time of the meeting, Agent Garcia clarified what happened in Camayaguama with MINFAR. Given the large amount of evidence, the Cuban government ruled out the Authority as possibly responsible for what happened.
At the meeting Agent Garcia clarified the events in Camayaguama. Presented with the evidence, the CUban government ruled out the possibility of the Authority being responsible.
However, MINFAR now questioned the complicity of the United States in the RPC-699-∆ event because of the current situation of political tensions due to the Cold War, and the previous missile crisis produced on 1962. Agent García tried to argue that there were still no concrete culprits and that the best thing to do was to remain on major alert. However, MINFAR doubted these statutes and maintained its concern about U.S. encroachment in the country.
However, MINFAR now concluded the United Statas was complicit in the RPC-699-∆ event due to current tensions stemming from the Cold War, and specifically the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962. Agent García tried to argue that there was no concrete evidence suggesting a culprit and that the best thing to do was to remain on alert. MINFAR doubted these statements and maintained its concern about U.S. encroachment in the country.
In regard to the above-mentioned series of events, we recommend the following:
- The Authority mantains the surveillance and protocols on Camayaguama and the general Cuba's airspace in assembly with the MINFAR.
- The Authority gather more intel on the actual causes of the RPC-699-∆ event.
- The Authority maintains constant meetings with the Cuban government to avoid a conflict between the United States and Cuba.
In regard to the above-mentioned series of events, we recommend the following:
- The Authority maintain the surveillance and protocols on Camayaguama and in Cuba's airspace in alliance with the MINFAR.
- The Authority gather more intel on the possible causes of the RPC-699-∆ event.
- The Authority maintain relations with the Cuban government to avoid a conflict between the United States and Cuba.
Note
After further research and dialogues with the extraterrestrial entities in NEO ███████-382, personnel discovered the leading causes of the incident and their point of origin.
When the Zenit and Molniya 1 spy satellites were put into orbit, the Soviet Union forgot to replace the Morse and alphanumeric codes, used at once by the extraterrestrial entities to activate one of the RPC-699 instances.
It is unknown why the Soviet Union would have a unique code to attack one of its principal allies. The leading hypothesis most accepted by investigators is that the attack was a contingency plan gone wrong, designed to destroy Cuba and Fidel Castro in cases of treachery.
MINFAR will be lied to, and documents that affirm the Soviet use of R36-M missiles in this operation will be hidden.
Likewise, contact with these extraterrestrial entities must be ascertained for possible diplomatic options. Countermeasures must also be researched to establish a containment protocol during a worst-case scenario. Understanding why the Soviet Union made a treaty with these beings might give more insight into how they operate.
After further research and dialogue with the extraterrestrial entities in NEO ███████-382, personnel discovered the leading causes of the incident and their point of origin.
When the Zenit and Molniya 1 spy satellites were put into orbit, the Soviet Union neglected to replace the Morse and alphanumeric codes, used at once by the extraterrestrial entities to activate one of the RPC-699 instances.
It is unknown why the Soviet Union would have a unique code to attack one of its principal allies. The leading hypothesis most accepted by investigators is that the attack was a contingency plan, intended to destroy Cuba and Fidel Castro in the event of treachery.
MINFAR will be given false information, and documents that affirm the Soviet use of R36-M missiles in this operation will be concealed.
Likewise, contact with these extraterrestrial entities must be ascertained for possible diplomatic options. Countermeasures must also be researched to establish a containment protocol during a worst-case scenario. Understanding why and how the Soviet Union made a treaty with these beings might give more insight into their nature.
Final Thoughts
This was rough, but with the Cold War backstabbing and the Soviet Union making an alliance with aliens, you’ve got the start of something good I think. It definitely needs some expansion as a lot of the details, especially once you start getting into the history, are pretty vague. With a little more work, I think it could be great.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
RPC-699 is the designation given to a group of initially six ballistic missiles
If you're going to add "initially", I'd suggest you also specify the current number.
Positioned in various missile silos around the surface of ███████-382, instances of RPC-699 have shown, According to studies and analysis carried out by the AEDF, RPC-699 instances possess
"Instances of RPC-699 are positioned in various missile silos around the surface of ███████-382, and are understood to possess…"
This property further solidifies the notion that the rest of the missile structure is adapted to withstand these acceleration forces.
This notion has not been introduced beforehand, so it makes no sense to mention it now. Really what this sentence is saying is "these missiles that can fly up to Mach-20 might be able to withstand that kind of acceleration", which is such an obvious given that you gain nothing by making sure the reader understands it. You haven't even explained (yet) if these missiles are like those of human make or are as alien as their operators, so for all you know a reader might just be assuming they're completely alien devices.
After contact and communication through a Xenogloss Device with the radio antennas from one of the RPC-699 misiles, These entities confirmed they were not human after the Authority made contact with them after using the Xenogloss Device previously mentioned, and claimed that their actions were in fulfillment of a "treaty".
"After contact was established via a Xenogloss Device, these entities confirmed their extraterrestrial origin and claimed that their presence in ███████-382 is in fulfillment of an unspecified "treaty""
First off, your explanation of how Xenogloss devices work is pretty lackluster. How or why do "aliens" (universally) understand the translations the devices make? You've never established the presence of radio antennas in 699s before, or discussed how they were recovered either. It would also add a lot to at least kinda characterize this contact if you're not going to provide a transcript — was it amicable? Formal? Hostile?
The Authority censored and amnestized all witnesses or survivors of the event, which was cataloged as RPC-699-∆.
cataloged -> catalogued
amnestized -> amnesticized
"censored" all witnesses to an event? What does that mean
Amnesticizing the entire population of Cumanayagua (+ surroundings) is a huge ask even for 1970 — especially for the dead middle of the Cold War. That doesn't really fly lorewise (it would have caused an international incident for sure), really suggest you scale it down.
AUTHORITY REPORT №699
This whole thing really doesn't add much. You could easily cut half of it and crunch it down to one or two paragraphs not even meriting a description, and what's there isn't especially interesting — which is quite concerning given that you're talking about an alien bombardment on Cuba.
Typically these big format style breaks are used to signal to the reader that they're going to learn something important and present said something in a visually attractive form. Geopolitics don't really merit that kind of attention, especially when the anomaly itself, the effects of its impact, or any remains around ground zero aren't even discussed. It feels like a huge tangent when you could use the space to introduce aspects of the anomaly or the particulars of an especially interesting political situation: everything you actually do here is say "the Authority and Cuba are talking. Former wants to avoid conflict, latter is angry." This isn't very interesting to learn given it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect from any kind of Cold War tension, and you haven't gone about it in an especially creative way either.
PERSONAL AUTHORIZED
PERSONAL -> PERSONNEL
Similar feelings toward the final addendum. "The Soviet Union made a treaty with aliens to nuke their own allies" is a fascinating setup for a mystery and you don't really do anything with it or what their reasons might have been. There's just nothing to hang onto in terms of a good hook — there's nothing interesting about the missiles, we learn nothing of the aliens or how they were contacted, and nothing is revealed about whatever insane situation led the Soviet Union to establishing this insane attack system or why they had aliens do it of all things (which I was really expecting given the ACI theme, it just really heavily suggests conspiracy as a theme and I have no clue why you added it). On paper, the concept is genuinely fascinating but you've done little else than introduce it inbetween chunks of textual fluff that don't add a lot.
I suggest you go back to the drawing board and think what you actually want to do with this draft before returning to the draft and seeing what you put to paper. Is it a conspiracy story? Is it about aliens? Is it a political mystery? Etc, etc — then see what is necessary and what you can cut off for being exceedingly tangential.
/forum/t-15693631/rpc-699-cuban-misiles#post-