MMmm fun crit yes I totally love doing crit yes.
Prelude:
"Ranger Ezekiel" epic Estonia reference
"Publicly, this move was done to ensure continued economic stability and security for the companies and individuals involved. Citing issues of market volatility brought about by the zidophant interstellar age and lightening laws against monopolies allowing the decision to be made." Doesn't quite sound right, maybe something like "Publicly, this move was done to ensure continued economic stability for the companies involved, citing issues of market volatility brought about by the lightening laws against monopolies in the interstellar age."
"The first of these operations to be shafted" While technically the right use of the word, this just uh, doesn't sound right. Maybe "The first of these operations to be discontinued".
"In place of anomaly containment and concealment services, Intarem switched to focus on shipping, manufacturing, and resource extracting operations" shipping.. what, exactly? Maybe elaborate more on that. Im sure its anomalous in nature, but mention that if it is. No need for a long explanation either.
"The most major of these having been the Ti'Likom Agreement, which granted Intarem a complete monopoly over the aforementioned industries in thirteen of the zidophant core-systems." Again, what industries? All I can surmise is it is related to anomalies, but in what way, and who else would have they been competing with if the CCP prevented the rest of the collective unconsciousness from knowing of the anomalous? Can't compete in a market accidentally..
Current State of Intarem:
"5th most powerful brand in zidophant economics" I do not know if Zidophant should be capitalized or not, but I feel like it should?
"industrial mass-produced goods for both the zidophant public and its fellow corporations. They have stakes in at least 200 colonial settlements and complete control of 5 terrestrial worlds and 2 moons" The "they" is a bit of a sudden halt. I'd probably have it as "industrial mass-produced goods for both the zidophant public and its fellow corporations, with stakes in at least 200 colonial settlements and complete control of five terrestrial worlds and several moons" (You don't want to use "and" twice in a row. But hey, when I write my own grammar in my articles my articles fall under deletion threshold within a week so maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about..)
"At least 2 have attempted to declare independence from the corporation before being quietly suppressed by mercenary forces." More of a suggestion, and less of a crit; if you wanted to give Intarem more of a bad-guy vibe I'd suggest instead something along the lines of "At least two attempts at independence have been attempted by colonies under the jurisdiction of Intarem, at least those made public knowledge. With the several mercenary forces and contingencies that Intarem are known to posses and deploy, it is likely several revolutions have been silenced without a whimper."
"The main cause for this decline is a lack of innovation in their product lines." Again, what exactly are they producing? Especially post CCP removal. Are they making containment chambers? Anti-memetic weaponry? Elaborate, just what exactly are they making that their rivals can make better.
"In recent decades, Intarem, along with numerous other zidophant organizations, has also been contributing notable resources to sabotaging member states of the Red Star Collective." As much as the Zidophants were my idea, and this is more of a suggestion than a crit, don't make one side stronger than the other in this cold war they have going on. Give 'em a blutarch and redmond (tf2) vibe to them, with less of a focus on ending lives and more of a "I'm going to annoy you to the point of surrender" vibe. Just an idea
GT Involvement:
"ended in intervention from both the Psy and Pro Corps, and the removal of Intarem presence from the area of conflict." using and twice in a row again. Sad! Maybe " ended in intervention from both the Psy and Pro Corps, resulting in the removal of Intarem presence".
While not critting a specific sentence, I'd suggest expanding on the "Zidophants refuse to pay anything" mentality seen in the Zido report. With most of the GT vs Zido conflicts being more so financial in nature. Zidos are happy to help, for the right price, but don't expect financial compensation for helping them..
Protection Corps Actions:
"Additionally, the GRPC has been brought in to assist in the ongoing containment of 17 anomalous phenomena still under Intarem's purview." Contradicts with "They have stakes in at least 200 colonial settlements and complete control of 5 terrestrial worlds and 2 moons." How can they own 17 worlds if they only own 5? Unless the additional 12 are not suitable for life of any kind, and thats why you labeled them as phenomena?
Recommendations:
No crit needed.
Tldr:
Its fine, just elaborate further on what exactly Intarem does in modern GRPC. Not a whole lot to say unfortunately, its like when I tried to write a personnel dossier, its more so just reporting facts. Unlike a normal article, I can't really comment on a story or theme because there isnt one. As for in-lore, yeah Intarem is fine, sounds about right.
