(account deleted) 01 Feb 2023 01:18
5 stars because it does exactly what it sets out to do. Wonderfully short! Be sure to link your draft forum place thingy :D
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(account deleted) 01 Feb 2023 01:18
These things really don't seem anomalous at all or do anything out of the ordinary, but I enjoy the implication that the Authority considers sentience itself anomalous. Going under the assumption that this was an intentional detail, it's a smart enough article to merit 4 stars — otherwise, it's really just too plain (if perfectly competent and detailed) for anything more than a 3.
I'd disagree, "anomalous" is a relative term, defined by what is and isn't normal, and seeing another species able to manipulate its environment to this extent is. To that end, you could say there're tons of animal species that could be called anomalous, but the Authority works on harm reduction. And it can be argued there is a lot of harm to be reduced by containing them/
This is nonsense. If we're going by the absolutely plain, abstract "is or isn't normal" then the Authority should have very well contained nuclear fission already. And we both know very well harm reduction isn't the Authority's priority at all, otherwise they'd have contained COVID just because worldwide pandemics aren't normal.
Normally I'd say this felt too simplistic, but I actually think it was efficiently told and did a bullseye job of finding its sweet spot. Weird. This feels like an article that majority rides off of its own concept alone, but it's executed well enough and does manage to create subtle hints at larger ideas and fears of challenger species. And for that reason, I can't really find anything to complain about, and if I can't find anything really to complain about, I can't really look a gift horse in the mouth and lower its score.
Uncontestedly a good first article. Five Stars.
Second article
The best thing about this signature is that by the time you're done reading it you'll have realized it doesn't mean anything.
This is a tidy little package of crafty intrigue with some shades of larger, sociological commentary.
The clinical tone trips near the end; the paragraph starting with "RPC-354 instances appear to display high levels of sentience…" takes a dive on polish:
RPC-354 instances appear to display high levels of sentience.
The level of abstract thinking and tool usage firmly puts these entities on the level of "sapience", as opposed to "high sentience". I'm not sure what the difference might be.
One specimen extracted by the Authority for research purposes with permission from the Ghanzi wildlife conservation society displayed a notably advanced degree of pattern recognition during testing, which is thought to be equivalent to that of a preadolescent child.
Consider removing "child". A preadolescent individual is a child. Think of it this way: if you remove "child" from the sentence, nothing is lost.
The specimen showed obvious discomfort during the testing, spending the first 12 hours in its cell attempting to discern an escape from the chamber until cooperating.
This might be a good spot to push on the active voice more. It also is very chewy and hard to make your way through, mainly due to the pile-up of phrases at the end.
Consider: "The specimen spent the first 12 hours attempting to escape from the chamber before cooperating, and displayed obvious discomfort during testing thereafter."
Love the containment protocols, I always appreciate seeing the Authority limited in what they can do thanks to geopolitical realities. I agree with Almarduk that this isn't strictly anomalous. All it would take is a little shake of the anomaly spice; "RPC-354 is a species of primarily bipedal apes originating from the Ghanzi district of Botswana that can levitate." Just an example of how easily this can be fixed and the article not really change much.
Overall a great early article. It has a lot of good synergy with its images without relying on them too heavily, and I think the whole thing works quite well. I disagree with Alm that this isn't really anomalous, I think the note on their DNA at the end obviously disproves that. I do think that should be moved up to the start with their initial description it doesn't really work as a final stinger.
As for the final note. I looked in the history and saw you added that after publishing. I think it honestly diminishes the article, if you want to make the apes more anomalous, build on what's already here. Maybe have them make impossible sculptures or the sculptures come to life, maybe have them use materials they shouldn't be able to access like Lawrencium or Plutonium. Just having them shoot out gamma radiation is a bit silly and uninteresting to be honest.
Interesting, but not really a fan of the ending. Feels very random to suddenly have them be radioactive. I think it was fine without that part.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
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