http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/butterdantezone This is my sandbox
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/rpc-058 This is the original 058
This is for minicon, go crit
Alright, here's another critique of mine. Admittedly, I don't know much about Project Blue Book so most of my points are clinical tone mistakes.
Project Blue Book has claimed jurisdiction over the extraterrestrial entities. Should the anomaly be deemed a "sufficient threat" by UN personnel, Project Blue Book has informed the Authority that it is capable of deploying a "measured response," the nature of which is currently restricted to AEDF personnel.
To prevent the risk of UN intervention, RPC-058 is contained via radio transmission on a regular basis to encourage the current routine of the entities. The existence of Earth nor its inhabitants cannot be acknowledged in any way to RPC-058-2.
In the event of the "measured response" by Project Blue Book, AEDF forces are to remain on standby in Low Martian Orbit to intercept and destroy. Type-5 Defensive Resources are authorized.
I'm honestly not sure about any mistakes here.
RPC-058, AKA (known as ET-003 by Project Blue Book), is the designation for a group of anomalous mechanical entities (RPC-058-1) and a large cube of unknown composition (RPC-058-2) currently located within the Amenthes region of Mars.
RPC-058-2 is believed to be the facility that houses, repairs, and retrofits RPC-058-1 instances. It is a structure believed to be made with the same unidentified titanium alloy as its mobile counterparts, and with several openings for said counterparts to enter and exit. Its power source is currently unknown.
Both anomalies are capable of advanced matter manipulation via the dispersal of unidentified microscopic particles (RPC-058-3). These particles can rapidly disintegrate and materialize any material upon contact, limited by the direction of RPC-058-2.
This event brought RPC-058-3 and subsequently RPC-058 as a whole to the attention of Project Blue Book, who which made efforts to deploy a "measured response". After tense negotiation, the Project was convinced of RPC-058's nature and brought it under their jurisdiction in exchange for maintaining peaceful relations with the anomaly.
It wasn't bad but it simply didn't interest me. This is 3/5 stars at best.
thank you sooo much :)
Comparing to the original concept, RPC-058 has become more simplistic in terms of context, concept, and overall length. I do particularly like the cut-out of the dialogue, and replaced with a signal message which conveys the species' relations in a shorter way.
Speaking of, the species (RPC-058-1) are unusually interesting as they don't seem to be organic in anyway. It made me think that they may have been created by a past civilization, or some extraterrestrial species once created an outpost there and have since abandoned it, leaving the mechanic entities to operate what's left behind.
I feel as if there should be more to them in terms of threat. Like, they are capable of terra-forming exo-planets and stealing all of its resources to expand RPC-058-2, leaving the planets that they once occupy to collapse.
Overall, it's a nice concept in terms of its uncertainty of what would happen if they find out about Earth. Awesome as always!
"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"
3.5/5? Okay, I didn’t read the old one before, but in a hare’s race, I still prefer this one by a photo finish: I’d rather read something imaginative yet lacking vision than something competently told and lacking vision. You’ve many small, objective improvements to the article itself through its description, space politics being more ever-present, and even the ending being more competently told… But it also loses the central thesis of that article, which was imparting the existence of this larger species that escapes us on this foreign rock. I don’t think the original was good at doing that either, and I know it might not be your priority in writing this, but I felt that that made the original interesting and more compelling by contrast. Cause, at the end of the day, the original concept is good, but it’s not expansive. I’m not left feeling anything, as nothing resonates with mining robots in space. Like, okay, that’s cool.
I’m not trying to force your article down a specific path. However, I think you can build more mystique around the anomaly, and that’s what gets me. Their existence never fully resonates with me when it should feel distant yet perplexing, or at least as we live in an alien force’s shadow.
- a miniature nuclear reactor and a point defense system based on high-power laser beam emitters have been documented.
- The moon's surface was scoured by the anomaly, removing any artificial structure or device through its transmutative properties, including the AEDF Patmos
From what I've read it's a completely decent small article - but one that doesn't really warrant the replacement of the original. While the clinical tone is arguably better and more akin to a modern RPC article this seems more of an adaptation of the same concept than a rewrite. When I originally read the article, a lot of it felt like it could have been expanded on. But, in this adaptation there is no expansion. It is a 1:1.1 change.
I know you can do better, and don't let mincon influence or limit your capabilities to improve the article, which I know you can do.
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