with no trace of any anomalous mineral element
I think "with no trace of any anomalous mineral elements" sounds better here
I was going to point out some other typos I saw in the first read, but thankfully tele has already fixed them.
I've read this GRP twice now just to see if I've missed something, but my feelings for the story remains the same. I understand writing kid/teenage characters is a pain in the ass, let alone alien teenage characters, but Jackson's and Ohtli's interaction with eachother left a lot to be desired.
Jackson's bubbly attitude didn't really paint him as a bearer of youthful innocence and more like a reckless-for-plot's-sake caricature of it (which his constant quippy remarks about Ohtli and POPS being suckers did not help to alleviate the fact at all), and his dialogue felt like he was rehashing a theatre script he kept as a souvenir from Space Hollywood. His heel-turn change to a grown-up after nearly dying was also sudden in the worst ways possible; it had no progression or character development. He simply said
I do. I thought being a Ranger would be exciting, but all I've experienced is pain and loss. I'm just a child, hardly fit to be Emperor of the Cosmos, let alone explore them. So, I wish to leave this place. Send me to Captain Nemo. That is my wish.
and it felt like he simply flipped a personality switch inside his brain.
Ohtli was just boring at best and infuriating at worst. She specifically put me off the most out of all the lineup because she seemed to be a overly stubborn mix between angsty teenage girl and standard blockhead warriorbound race. I really couldn't emphatize nor sympathize with anything that she did or happened to her.
I get what the story was going for a somewhat cliche for heartfelt space opera fantasy, and that these race archetypes are sometimes stereotypical for either laughs or to go along with the "Space D&D" setting, but it just makes the characters uninspiring and obvious. Algansky and Mochi are the worst perpetrators here: Algansky feels like one of those dwarf or gnome races that are just put in settings for the sake of comedic relief and having a funny way of speaking, which made him quite insufferable until his departure, and in turn made his betrayal scene land terribly (His AAR was kind of sad and touching, I can give it that at least). And Mochi was just a walking cat joke, he didn't have anything special to him other than to appear once and leave, which is just dissappointing.
Ohtli's AAR was also very dull, and cliched in way that didn't charm me in the slightest. Jackson's AAR, on the other hand, was actually a surprisingly well written piece, in fact it was the dialogue part I enjoyed the most out of this GRP.
The final rating is 2. It has the worldbuilding, detailing, and (apart from the dialogue parts) the phasing and description of a 5 but the character interactions of a 1. It pains me to say that given the article clearly shows it had immense effort put into it, but it desperately wanted to be a very bland fantasy dungeon story, and succeeded.
