Mincon 2023 - RPC-781 Enter Empty/The Fleeting Man
(account deleted) 18 Jan 2023 02:53
Hi, here with another minicon entry lol
start here: http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/butterdantezone
Mincon 2023 - RPC-781 Enter Empty/The Fleeting Man
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» Mincon 2023 - RPC-781 Enter Empty/The Fleeting Man
Summary:
Pray the interloper remains as he is- unseen and unknown.
(account deleted) 18 Jan 2023 02:53
Unfold
Re: Mincon 2023 - RPC-781 Enter Empty/The Fleeting Man by (account deleted), 26 Jan 2023 18:59
(account deleted), 26 Jan 2023 18:59
Personal Thoughts
Tis the time of the season, tis the time of joy. A minimalist article to that I enjoy!
Right of the bat, It's a disease anomaly that has a bit of "undead" trope to it which I do like how it is portrayed. What solidifies this article a bit more is the hand written notes by one "Doctor Mark Rhodes", in which he is observed and details his experience. What I do think was missing was the sense of "uncertainty" and "dread", which this article could benefit. Specifically, make it so that the possibility of the disease returning should be pondered.
Overall, I did enjoy this concept as it depicts body horror and disease. Outstanding as always Butter.
Suggestions & Tips
Object Class: Omega-Red (Neutralized)
- This is purely a suggestion but I'd recommend adding a Revised Containment Protocol with the following sentences as it alludes to the fact that the anomaly is, as of 2002, is neutralized:
Revised Containment Protocol: As of the last documented phenomena in 2002, RPC-781 has been reclassified to Neutralization. Should the phenomenon be observed in post-neutralization, classification is to be reverted.
Containment Protocols: RPC-781 cannot be cured or abated by any means available to the Authority. Any victims of the illness are to be taken into custody and placed under medical observation until dissipated.
- After reading over parts of the Description to understand the seriousness of the disease, shouldn't the ConProc dive a bit more into the strict medical procedures on handling affected instances? For example, personnel should wear the appropriate PPE when in proximity to said instances.
- Another to point out is that there seems to be a lack of detail pertaining to containment and quarantine measures. Understandable that the article is suppose to be a "minimalist" but detailed ConProcs should nonetheless be stated.
Nonanomalous sources of damage (ie disease, gunshot wounds) […]
- Recommend the following revision:
Non-anomalous sources of damage (i.e. disease, gunshot wounds, et cetera) […]
With no means to prevent the anomaly from manifesting within a victim nor prevent its spread, RPC-781 was classified as Omega, although the spread of information regarding the condition could be suppressed in cooperation with USA authorities.
- Recommend changing "USA authorities" to "with the American government."
"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"
Pretty freaky. I liked it. It gave me SCP body horror vibes, in a good way. It just touches on some of my personal biases, I suppose.
It's a small thing, but I don't like how the image is included. You used the same set-up for RPC-782, and it was more thematically fitting there.
The one bit of writing that really set me off was the first log; it feels like what I sometimes call "sockpuppet dialogue". He's saying everything that I would expect an author to make him say, and he shows little character in doing so. He laments the fact that he's now the subject under investigation and that "his former coworkers are now studying him", and then talks about how apathetic he is. The last two paragraphs are better, but he still doesn't feel like a defined person. I began sympathizing with him more throughout the rest of the journal, but I didn't find it a good first impression.
RPC-781 was a phenomenon localized within the continental boundaries of the state of Florida of the United States of America between the years of 1891 to 2002 where human males between the ages of 19 to 24 would dematerialize over the course of several days.
This is a bit of a mouthful.
RPC-781 had affected 102 individuals in total, with most occurring in the year 1991 with 9 confirmed cases, one of which was Doctor Mark Rhodes, an employee of Site-305.
Likewise, this could be split into two or three sentences.
Regardless of those points, I would give this a 5/5 in its current state. It panders to me too much, and I can't deny it.
/forum/t-15540967/mincon-2023-rpc-781-enter-empty-the-fleeting-man#post-