Cosmic Crit, for the cosmic anomaly
indicates danger, red indicates
To
indicates danger, and red indicates
observed by both probes and manned vessels that travel at superluminal
To
observed by probes and manned vessels traveling at superluminal
stages which correspond to orders
To
stages that correspond to orders
30 decibel range
To
30-decibel range
60 decibel range
To
60-decibel range
specific to victim's psyche.
To
specific to the victim's psyche.
from increasing volume
To
from the increasing volume
from unknown source.
To
from unknown sources.
ghosts, unauthorized access attempts
To
ghosts, and unauthorized access attempts
Permeant psychosis. Hallucinations act with
To
Permeant psychosis. Hallucinations act with
Double Space
overstimulation of amygdala.
To
overstimulation of the amygdala or amygdala analogs.
and its effects, rather
To
and its effects rather
unknown exactly what effects
To
unknown precisely what effects
Reluctance, but testing of Drunkmann Biotics
To
Reluctance. However, testing of Drunkmann Biotics
past 10000c the diminishing
To
past 10000c, the diminishing
GRP-XXX was formally discovered in 1993
To
GRP-XXX was formally discovered in 1991
Lore reasons
technology first surpassed the 100c threshold.
To
technology surpassed the 100c threshold for the first time.
Omega-Yellow
This anomaly sits in a weird limbo between containable and uncontainable. It's uncontainable in the literal sense as it is an effect of FTL travel, but it's preventable in the modern day through psychological training. This is primarily a nitpick but I'd suggest a lower containment rating or explain that maybe it doesn't eliminate the effects, it just numbs them (if that's what you intend.)
"distant" and "searching."
I believe the D should be capitalized here or put after "intervals from 33 to 2 minutes."
1000000c
The fastest the article says we've gone definitively is 10000c, I'm mostly just nitpicking though since this is sci-fi, it can be disregarded but if you want to include a short explanation that'd be best.
Polite laughter
and the other example of this. I don't think stuff like this is particularly included in transcripts often, and there are only two so they feel unnecessary.
"why is there no time travel?"
"Why is there no time travel?"
Whole transcript
Very fun and surprisingly easy to understand and read but some sections feel unrelated to the actual topic of the GRPC. I think it can be trimmed for sure.
Overall, I think this article is pretty nice and I enjoy the transcript especially, definitely comes off with the right tone, even if a bit unrelated to the actual article at times. Was an entertaining read, good job on having only 74 commas Doey. :3
I like it.
im a signature
Registered Phenomena Code
Should it not be "Galactic Registered Phenomena"?
Pilots of experimental and captured craft not limited by Drunkmann Reluctance are to have extensive psychotronic experience.
Uncertain of what you mean by "have […] experience" when the sentence suggests that this is something that occurs after capture of a craft.
Impersonation of crewmates
Unless you'd like unfunny comparisons, I'd change "crewmates" to another word.
should be one in the same
one and
relative the CMB
relative to
some terrible whispering beyond the speed of light that holds us back from crossing our into our own pasts.
This is kind of a weak finisher line to me. It doesn't quite click as imagery because picturing a "terrible whispering" holding back a spaceship is rather tough. Whispering in general only goes so far as a through-line of imagery to hold throughout the article, especially due to how much of a trope it is, so I'd suggest looking for an alternative theme to tie it all together (not that there's anything intrinsically wrong with whispering, it just has its limits).
I would additionally suggest that the article is missing a bit of "punch" somewhere to make it last, but on the other hand the concept by itself is strong enough to make the article stand excellently. This is quite the memorable entry.