MinCon - Doctor Silicon
MinCon - Doctor Silicon
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» MinCon - Doctor Silicon
Summary:
The late doctor's triumphant return
As for grammar, I really don't have anything to complain about here. The file was short and to the point, but did so without compromising its quality. I really liked how you were able to fit his whole story in less than 1k words without it feeling rushed. As it stands, this is very well done and I don't believe it requires any further changes or additions to be post-worthy, even if I would like to see what the general reaction of personnel in and outside Site-999 was about the news of the Doctor's death and subsequent resurrection.
Well done!
(account deleted)I'm not really on board with the concept alone. I guess we already have a half-dead doctor with Tarbolin's Bucher Keller, so this isn't breaching any sort of precedent.
Still, this is an AI. The article makes that pretty clear that it is the implant that controls the body, and I think it should be more clear that no, this isn't a doctor anymore. I wish that was explored a bit more, and I don't want to keep making the comparison but the condition of Keller was a bit more vividly depicted in his dossier while here, this page doesn't explore the idea that there is a puppeteered corpse walking around enough.
Like did nobody protest this? They've got a machine running a department. With Keller at least it was still Keller, but this is literally a separate thing entirely.
I don't see why the machine would go by "Doctor Silicon". The name is pretty silly, so I'd understand it as a nickname but I really don't want Doctor Silicon to be like, the official name. The full name of the thing is Authority Enhanced Generalized Intelligence System, at least according to this article.
Also, it's not a doctor, so on the record, it wouldn't be Dr. Silicon. So as a nickname I'd like it more.
Other than that, this is a good article. I like the formatting, I just wish it explored the concept more and was a bit more serious on the subject of, well, the dead body.
I think you fixed most of my issues with it. Not in the way I'd do it, but its good. Hope you build on it more in the future.
Your article was weird, and I like it as much as I don't think it fits with modern RPC's tone, which is to say, very. I think you can salvage it and that it has a lotta potential. I hope I wasn't too harsh. Please don't feel too bad about the draft. It was more fun to read than I make it sound to be.
When I say that I want to like this entry, I am not trying to "um, well, actually" you because you have done what most cannot with these personnel files: Make the person the file exists on interesting. Nevertheless, — there is always a but — I cannot get over the goofy concept, nor is it original enough to justify itself. I don't wanna compare a similar article cause who gives a fuck. However, Dr. Keller or the Charles Cook BH Contest entry, and in both cases, while yours did hook me in better, the others were much more imaginative, grounded the reason for their deformities better, and had a much more interesting story. I'm in a weird position where I like you better than these two but think they're better written and leave more room for narrative expansion — which, in my mind — is a secondary appeal for writing a personnel file. I'm not saying you can't do this idea because it's retread ground. I'm just saying I've seen it done better.
This article doesn't attempt to answer WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T SCOTT JUST MAKE A ROBOT COPY. Do what Zola and Gladdos did. I have a hard time accepting that he'd go to these lengths to preserve his body for him to end up brain-dead and needing an idea. I have a harder time accepting that other personnel is okay with a necrotic body roaming their halls and that HR or ethics did not question company funds in going to these lengths. And I have the hardest time that he wouldn't just go full Arnim Zola and make a computer bot because it'd be a hell of a lot easier than whatever the fuck this is.
From an out-of-universe perspective, I understand that the real reason he's necrotic is that it's the catcher that makes the article interesting — I won't logic bro you out being creative. But I can't suspend my disbelief to take your work in good faith for baseline, and I can't say it was fun enough because I don't see this character in action. I don't think, as is, it fits the believability of the universe or would garner this plausible of an authority reaction, or rather, lack thereof. No amount of nepotism can explain this.
It's also weird that I found it this engaging. Maybe it's because it's so short-form that I didn't feel bogged down, but not a lot happened here. And this is a long way of me saying I don't know if adding onto this file with more fantastical elements after you ground the concept more IS the answer. However, I also don't know if it's NOT the answer.
The only other thing is why it is the Medical Department elected. Elections seem dumb, and you can use the example of GDs, but A) we have historical precedent with the real-life church, and B) Elections in the universe are closed off to regional directors of a region. I don't see it happening at lower ranks, as I barely saw it happening at GDs.
Although fun, I can't say this is uploadable to the site in good conscience. There are too many logistical problems. 3.8/5 for the entertainment factor.
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