http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/dattop11
Essentially an Auctoritas version of RPC-394
I know there's some problems with the formatting here and there, but I fucking suck with formatting and I'm not sure what is incorrect with it that needs to be corrected, besides that I mostly just need the normal spelling and grammar crit, thank you.
:swag:
ok
¶ indicates a need for a paragraph break
¶ Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd, and his son Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 3rd were given the task of sailing to the island of Cvba, and to claim any relics or objects of interest located on the island.
Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd and his son, Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 3rd, giving them the same name seems unwise from a writer's perspective were charged by the Inquisiton to travel to Cuba in order to seek out and acquire any relics or objects of interest located on the island.
this cvba thing is really annoying and pointless since this is translated. maybe if it was funny it would work but rn it comes off as a gag and not much else
¶ The Inquisition instead however had been forced to dock their ship on the island of Providencia, which had come under a heavy storm and forced to dock for repairs after the ship began to take on water. Reconnaissance explorations had taken place while repairs took place.
Travel was interrupted by violent weather, forcing the ship to dock on the island of Providencia to repair. Members of the crew and Inquisition explored the area in the meantime.
¶ During this time, Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo encountered El Corazón de Judas, a beating heart that contained an unspeakable evil, the description of which shall not be put to ink. While recovery of the evil would be successful, many lives would be lost including the life of Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 3rd; his payment for completion will be given to his eldest son, Jose Esparanza Lorenzo as compensation.
This led Inquisitor Lorenzo to encounter "El Corazón de Judas," an animate heart that cannot be described in further detail by the written word. Recovery was successful at the expense of many associates of the Inquisition, including Inquisitor Lorenzo's son.
this intro seems so strange. make it shorter, merge it with acquisition, and either tell everything that happens or nothing bc rn it tells us about redundant stuff that we dont need to know yet
like now we're going BACK to describe all this stuff about the things they bought like these first two sections can be cut and we'd lose nothing. why are we talking about buying the ship right after we discussed his son dying.
¶ Inquisitor Lorenzo used the majority of his funds to hire a small Brigantine, running by the English name "The Scattering of Crowns". These privateers had previously worked as mercenaries in the previous Anglo-Caribbean war of aggression, most are Caribbean in descent in an attempt by Inquisitor Lorenzo to ensure his crew would be able to deal with the tropical conditions.
The funds provided were utilized by the Inquisitor to purchase a Brigantine ship titled "Scattering of Thorns" in English. Her hired crew of privateers were mostly Caribbean mercenaries, veterans of the Angl-Caribbean War of Aggression, well equipped to handle the intense tropical conditions, to Lorenzo's specifications. Concerns regarding their loyalty were dismissed by the Inquisitor, as, according to himself, "believed them to be men of decent character and knowledgeable of our destination." Other necessities, such as food, water, muskets, and powder were also purchased.
¶ Inquisitor Lorenzo negotiated a reasonable rate for their services, which were well warranted, being as they stocked their Brigantine to the brim with muskets and powder aplenty. Though concerns were raised about the reliability of new world mercenaries, Inquisitor Lorenzo believed them to be men of decent character and knowledgeable of the land that which was their original destination.
Concerns regarding their loyalty were dismissed by the Inquisitor, as, according to himself, "believed them to be men of decent character and knowledgeable of our destination." Other necessities, such as food, water, muskets, and powder were also purchased. moved back
this section big fat imma just drop corrections int he…
Year of Our Lord 1664, Day One of Journey
¶ We have set sail from the known world, and journey towards lands unknown. This is not my first voyage, and I do not forget the discomfort suffered when supplies run low. Yet, I still find myself joyous every time I sail across the sea.
¶ Perhaps it is a quality inherent to man, God's way of telling us to spread across the earth.
place a break here to emphasize…
¶ Mathematicians performed their calculations, and informed us that our journey should roughly be one month's length each way.
¶ As such, wWe have packed the ship with two months of rations accordingly, and plenty of muskets and powder. The crew complains the ship is tight, and with little room to move with the exception of the deck. Their minds will change quite soon, and beg for this feeling to return when we are on the final days of our return journey and short on supplies! If I had brought recruits from Hispania as recommended, I imagine they would already be bellyaching!
- Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd
italicize jose's signature at the end
Year of Our Lord 1664, Day Ten of Journey
¶ Our voyage has gone as predicted, the winds have been of assistance, and the waters calm. The men have begun to drink and celebrate in ways unknown to me. It is possibly heretical in nature, but as I cannot ascertain this for certain, and to keep the spirits of the crew high, I have not prevented them from their practices.
¶ The men had brought jars with them, filled with the juices from the lime and lemon fruits respectively. Upon further questioning, the men believe consuming small amounts of the juice can prevent scurvy. I believe this to be questionable at best, but I tried a small amount to gain trust with the crew, and for my lips to taste any liquid other than water or wine.
- Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd
no need for the "respectively" there since its just. like thats it there is no order its from the lime and the lemon lol
Year of Our Lord 1664, Day Twenty-Five of Journey
¶ We have crossed the breadth of the Atlantic without incident, but our lookout has spotted a storm across the horizon. I gathered the crew to discuss how much time would be lost if we diverted course to avoid the storm, but my crew insists it will be of no issue.
¶ Normally, I would consider this treason, mutiny even, but I choose these natives for their knowledge of the area we are sailing into, if they say we can brace the storm, then we shall brace it. I only hope my decision to trust these tamed savages was well thought out.
- Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd
Year of Our Lord 1664, Day Twenty-Six of Journey
¶ Damnable sSavages, I warned them of the coming storm, but their sinful pride thought themselves untouchable! Our ship had been damaged during the storm and began to take on water, as such we had no choice but to dock on an island slightly off course from our destination of Cvba, an island known as Providencia. I have ordered 3/4s of the crew to stay and repair the ship. Whileas I and a select few I still trust will venture into the mostly unexplored territory. Who knows, perhaps this storm was a message from God, perhaps my destiny is to be found here? Sometimes, the Lord will put us on the path we may not want, but it is always the path we need.
- Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd
Year of Our Lord 1664, Day Twenty-Six of Journey
¶ [Original ink was sloppily written compared to previous entries, implying a rushed pace or possible mental strain] I was a fool, a damnable fool to believe this destination, this new world would contain anything holding the grace of God. This is Satan's land, the name Providencia is ironic. We travelled traveled across the jungle canopy, only to be besieged on all sides by primitive tribals, wielding spears and nothing else.
¶ We dealt with them with ease, due to our armor and superior weaponry. What truly was an affront to God is when we chased one escaping tribal back to their home, wherein a massive stone temple lay, a globe at its center. Cutting our way through the savages, we reached the epicenter of the temple, and wondered how such primitives could construct such complex stone architecture? No no, must focus.
¶ We found our reason, a corazón profano, this unholy heart, encased in silver in their cruel imitation of a temple. Worst of all, it spoke in my very mind. It knew the languages of old and new. It asked if we were here for the 'recipiente de mundos', but I wanted to hear no more so I ordered the men to fire at the damnable thing. Yet, their minds seemed corrupted by its mere presence. One man begged it for riches, and as he asked, he received, a smooth, golden block fell from heights unseen and crushed the man to death.
¶ Appalled, I begged the men not to speak further, but again they seem compelled to ask the heart for more, another man begged for eternal life, only for the man to disappear and a lobster to take his place! A damnable Lobster! The silver that the heart was contained in is far too heavy, so using its effects against it, I asked the heart to move itself to the dock of our ship, when I returned I explained the situation to my men, and for now they have kept my orders to not speak unless absolutely necessary. We cannot take any chances, especially once we transport this cursed object back to the homeland.
¶ Year of Our Lord ???
¶ This message is for any literate, able-bodied individual who comes across this vessel. If this vessel is to reach port as I predicted, you must alert the church, my crest will be stamped onto this note to certify its authenticity. We never made it to Cvba, instead we ended up locating the heart of temptation. It was a bloodbath, even I sinned under the effects of the Heart. My own son, dead by my hands.
¶ For this reason, I cannot return with this item myself. As I finish writing, I shall use the last of my will to command this heart, and the ship it shall be stationed on, to sail back to Espanola. By the time this message is read, I will have either died by my own hand, or resigned myself to exile. If anyone not of the church reads this, DO NOT ENTER THIS SHIP. ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER.
For that reason, I cannot return this item myself. As I finish writing, I shall use the last of my will to command this heart, and the ship it shall be stationed on, to sail back to Espanola. By the time this message is read, I will have either died by my own hand or resigned myself to exile. Do not enter this ship- lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate. (footnote: Translated from Italian as "All hope abandon ye who enter here."
I put that italian part there because it makes it sound cooler and more thematic imo, also "abandon all hope, ye who enter" isn't how the quote goes so
¶ This Journal was recovered from Guard Frolo Von Trier, who had been tasked with transporting the Heart of Judas to a secret monastery that deals with the unholy. While the anomaly is confirmed to have arrived, Sir Trier never arrived back to Spain. Assumptions can be made from the provided entries to determine that Sir Trier abandoned the Auctoritas, and has sought isolation and self-exile.
¶ Year of Our Lord 1665, Day One of Journey
¶ We leave the confines of our Monastery, and the border of our town for the first time. Transporting an unknown object to the city of Venezia within the country of Italy. I have never been so far, but the other guardsmen assure ne it is a safe passage, I already have seen such wonderful sights! The others guard me as I wear many crosses, and even carry a vial of water made holy across my neck. I asked why so much protection was necessary, but the Captain assures me that so long as the stone box remains shut, I've nothing to fear. I trust that God will put us on the right path, I am certain of this.
¶ Year of Our Lord 1655, Day Eight of Journey
¶ It has been one week since my prior entry. I am weary, I am unsure if it is physical ailment or something more, but hauling this box along with me in the wagon provided grows ever tiresome, and I've still 3 weeks more remaining! We attempted to tie the wagon to our horses, but as soon as one approached, it became ever so frightened and fled it's masters at full gallop! I have been raised in a Monastery all my life, I have no superstitions. And yet, if the beasts can be frightened without even a glance, would happen if the box were to be opened? Is this protection for me, or for the ones around me?
¶ Year of Our Lord 1665, Day Ten of Journey
¶ By the blood of Christ, my heart boils in frustration! I am a Guard of the holy defense, trusted with protecting this sacred artifact on its journey yet I am treated like a child, being told to carry this relic yet told not of its importance, the other guards were informed, what in the name of God would compel my superiors not to inform me?!
¶ However, arguments have begun to arise whether to open or keep sealed the box which contains this relic. Some have argued with the fable of Pandora, and with these men I agree. If the animals, and all that is natural and of the Father are dissuaded from approach, why then should we ignore this? Yet this did not stop fucking godless heathens from attacking our caravan, in the rain, which I had been informed neither of which would happen on our journey. but thankfully they were sloppy, untrained and seemed more desperate to reach the relic than they did to attack us. Most peculiar; I hope the rain subsides soon, it is doing little for my patience.
¶ Year of Our Lord 1665, Day Thirteen of Journey
¶ Despite our agreements, despite our oath not only to our superiors, but in the name of the Lord we swore an oath that must be upheld! Yet on this day one of the men, while I had been resting, unsealed the hushed casket, and beheld onto us a most insidious and terrible thing. A human heart, beating red as if at had been freshly plucked, stared at us from the opening of the box. Before we could intervene, I and my fellow men fell disoriented, as if a great and powerful force assaulted our very minds in the language of old.
¶ The member that opened the box seemed the least disoriented, and as if knowing it possesed demonic properties, begged for the Heart to meet God. With this, the man vanished in a blinding light and left nothing but ash in his place. This caused a panic amongst the men, half wanting to make wishes themselves, the other half keeping their sanity intact. Among the twenty of us, only I and two others survived unscathed; my dear friend Samuel of whom I am thankful survived, and another Guard named Mary, who had survived the initial skirmish but later fell due to a loss of blood. We were able to keep the heart in it's box, but the lid was too heavy for I and Samuel alone to put back into place. I supplied him with my pure water to help ease his minds burden, but I know this is temporary at best. The journey must continue, if not for our oaths then for the lives of our fallen brothers.
¶ Year of Our Lord 1665, Day Twenty of Journey
¶ Samuel is a good man, strong, wise, caring. This is why I sent him away. I wrote down basic instructions from the map so he may return to the monastery, and kept the map for myself. I grow weary, these holy items have given me resistance. Resistance, not immunity. Even now as I rest, if I let my mind fall too deep into sleep I can feel it crawling into my mind, like a spider into ones ear. Samuel was heartbroken, he believes I have gone mad.
¶ Perhaps I have, in times of isolation I have begun, communicating with the damnable thing. It has listened, through the passage of time it has learned. It says it was once a man, though who it says it is I cannot fully believe. It speaks of the times of scripture, yet it speaks of it in a way that seems, partially inaccurate. The demon is clearly educated, speaks of what I cannot discern between technology and witchcraft. I feel cold.
¶ Year of Our Lord 1665, Day Thirty-Two of Journey
¶ Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Forgive me Father, for I I had been besieged by bandits when approaching the territory of Italy. I had done my best to fight them off, but I have grown weak from hunger. I left myself only the essentials, and gifted the rest to Samuel. After sustaining a wound to the shoulder, in a moment of weakness, I begged the heart to dispel them. It's requests always have a condition. I lived, despite my injury, but was forced to watch as the men were torn sinew by sinew, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Forgive me Father, for I wanted more have sinned.
¶ Year of Our Lord 1665, Day Thirty-Four of Journey
¶ I began conversing with the heart once more, I owe the demon within that much for saving my life. It speaks of scripture that I have never heard mention of, not even from the bishops. It speaks of its time in the new world, before it's flesh was torn asunder by the Vessel of Worlds. It refused to elaborate, but if the demons heart contains this much power, what could have smited the full man? I am unsure if I can believe it's stories, they may be just that. I try to remember my scripture, my training. I should have never left Spain, never volunteered. Is this a punishment by my superiors? Was my willingness to serve interpreted as pride, as envy? Perhaps they would be right.
¶ This demon, this heart of sin, it must not be too dissimilar from my own heart. I must admit, despite my mission, I tried to silence it's beating. I swung my blade at the silver that encased it; prodded, kicked and clawed in ravenous fury. Despite all of my wrath, it attempted to comfort me, encouraging me further even as my knuckles turned red with my own blood. A demon, comforting a man. Have I gone mad? In my dreams, I hear it speak to me, in the same way my father once had before he had been plagued with pestilence. Oh Lord, why does the demon share my Father's voice?
¶ Year of Our Lord 1665, Day Thirty-Seven of Journey
¶ Samuel, bravehearted Samuel has reunited with me at the Italian Sanctuary! He says he followed the voice of God, but after all I endured with the Heart, I cannot be certain of anything anymore. Samuel aided the monks contain the heart, and for this it screamed, begged for release or death.
¶ I had no pity. It was a demon. I had no pity for a demon, this would be absurd. I shall send this journal back to the Monastery, as proof that our mission had been a success. Before I leave it to you dear friend, know this. I am, weary, tired. I have known the sin and sinner. I felt the beating of Sin in my mind and no amount of meditation or prayer can fix this in short. I need time, I shall rest here for some days, before finding my own path. I have no ill will towards the Monastery, and wish you good luck. For your sake, I hope we do not meet again. Deum Lauda, mi amice.
Letter of Intent
¶ I, Inquisitor Jose Esparanza Lorenzo hereby relinquish this artifact, in the name of my grandfather, Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd to the brothers of the cloth, Spain chapter of the Dominican Order. I submit my findings and hold them true to all accounts, including my word and Gods. May the artifact be deemed holy or heretical, in Gods name.
Amen.
cut out some stuff that wouldnt fit in the > but u still need it ofc
¶ Profile: The Anomalia appears to be a normal but continuously beating human heart, encased in a large amount of near-transparent silver. How this was possible, I cannot say. Attempts have been made to breach the silver, but all men that have approached the anomalia report a sharp pain within their head, as well as voices that are indecipherable. Prayer and meditation soothe this pain, but for the safety of our men from demonic influence, no further attempts have been made.
¶ Communication with the anomalia has been successful, but doing so induces madness in the men that prolong their communication. The heart posses the ability of witchcraft, despite being encased in holy silver. It promises it's witchcraft to be 'miracles' such as the ones delivered by our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. This blatant blasphemy would be grounds for extermination, if not for the plata impenetrable protecting yet sealing it. All testing regarding the anomalia's power is to be banned outright, nor will communication be allowed, we have learned all we need to know from this insidious demon. I would rather not repeat the incident where several of our brothers killed one another while under the effect of it's manipulation.
- This artifact has been deemed un-holy, of the highest degree
- This artifact has not been rewarded the full bounty amount, as those tasked with it's transportation from the new world have all perished
- This artifact has been given the Right to Trial, and the brothers of the Monastery Italia shall determine it's fate
¶ Suggested Use: There is a sect of our brothers, possessing far more cruel and dangerous artifacts and demons than we have the capability ourselves to contain. Approval has already been granted, the anomalia shall be transported to a secure monastery within the country of Italia. The exact location shall not be recorded in the name of secrecy. A stone cube had been carved, and holy sigils placed upon it's exterior to prevent the demon from speaking into the minds of those. With the help of several priests and guards, the anomalia was successfully placed within it's box, and within the morning shall be sent off to this monastery where it shall hopefully never bathe in the light of God again.
ooo css om nom nom but the PHOTO
okay i think this is pretty funny and i like to see your sense of humor in this :) its really good dialogue but honestly its kinda drawn out. I feel like u could trim it down and maybe tone down that dattop style since this is first person haha :P
¶ At first, I thought you were wasting my time, I mean, what were you thinking doing down near the incinerator? If the boys above knew you were snooping around down therestations you weren't supposed to? You'd be dealing with more than a damn budget cut.
so what are we some kinda suicide squad?
¶ But this document? It's describing 394, almost exactlyfucking exactly 394. I mean, why else would it have been at the Mt. Vesuvius monastery?
¶ And here's something else: "Composed by Father E. Krisp, Auctoritas Collegium Romae",." wWant to know who was assigned to study 394? A researcher with the last name of Krisp.
¶ It could be a coincidence, yeah, plenty of people with the same last name and no relation. But for two people with irregular last names to be assigned to the same anomaly centuries apart?
¶ And in theThat journal excerpt I included with the information I'm about to upload to the archive, the man writing it, Frollo, he writes that 394 mentioned a 'Vessel of Worlds' as the closest English translation (the closest English translation). And in 394's article? It mentioned to Krisp about a Vessel of Worlds. I'm not sure if this thing really is Judas from the bBible, you and I have never been ones for religion. But it concerns me. This entityThe heart** really wants to encounterfind this Vessel thing.
¶ Now, I know you're the curious type, but I'm serious when I say don't push your damn luck again. But IF, my hunch is right? Someone wanted these burnt for a reason. And I'm not talking about just wasting space here either, I mean these are centuries-old documents,This wasn't for saving space, and it's not like the higher-ups at Prolab to just carelessly destroy centuries-old documents.authorize the destruction of historical artifacts.
¶ We're in unknown uncharted waters, Claire, and I'm concerned for your safety, as a coworker of course. Do you want my judgment? YIf you want my opinion, you should focus on the director, get that cold-war era crap out of the way, and do not mention anything from this article, I know his ass doesn't read every article from this site so as long as you don't give him a reason to, he won't. don't give him a reason to find give this article a look-over.
¶ For now? Focus on our budget, and I'll see if I can't get in contact with this 'Krisp' guy over at Site-002, see if he can shed some light on the cryptic prognostications of a supposedly multi-millennia-old beating heart. And here I thought I gave you the easy job.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/abandon_hope_all_ye_who_enter_here
Overall thoughts:
its growing on me. its a little daunting given how long it is but i think its a pretty strong article. i think it could afford to be trimmed a LOT but in its current state its good. nice work boo
Inquisitor Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 2nd, and his son Jose Esparza Lorenzo the 3rd were given the task of sailing to the island of Cuba and claiming any relics or objects of interest located on the island found there.
Inquisitor Lorenzo used the funds provided by the Inquisition to purchase a Brigantine ship titled "Scattering of Thorns" in English.
The men had brought jars with them
Finding a different way to start this sentence would make the text flow better considering the last paragraph.
but I choose these natives for their knowledge of the area we are sailing into . If they say we can brace the storm, then we shall brace it.
assure ne it is a safe passage
Fix spelling.
Despite our agreements, despite our oath not only to our superiors but in the name of the Lord we swore an oath that must be upheld!
Awkward wording.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Forgive me, Father, for I
I would suggest presenting the text like this.
pestilence
Is this the reference to the Back Death? Because by the 17th century, the plague was over.
The heart is capable of witchcraft, despite being encased in holy silver.
…nor will communication be allowed. We…
(account deleted)