First and foremost, it's already been said, but the format of the article needs to be redone. The strikethroughs make the article difficult to read and look amateurish. Von's idea of creating multiple tabs to illustrate multiple versions of the article would help clean the article up immensely.
RPC-XXX is currently uncontainable, but since RPC-XXX-A doesn't have the interest and ability to manifest RPC-XXX outside Site-015; RPC-XXX doesn't show any threats more than causing severe burns or death due to these.
I can understand where you are sensing a comedic tone from. The way you've worded this has you downplaying severe burns and death into a minor inconvenience worthy of little more than a footnote. This makes it sound like an ironic statement, hence where the comedic tone comes from.
In addition, I highly recommend removing "rpc-xxx is uncontainable." It completely defeats the purpose of the authority, and reeks of "mary sue object." It's also incredibly boring and narratively uninteresting, despite the threat an uncontainable being would be.
Threatening, effective villains that invoke fear in the reader do not do it via power. They do it through suspense and creating a serious challenge that needs to be overcome.
Put another way, there's no fun in it if the threat is so powerful there's no point even trying.
To that end, a powerful, hard to contain being should have extensive containment protocols detailing how personnel are to operate around the entity as safely as possible. In this case, the containment protocols should mention wearing heat protective gear, having the space in which it manifests be designed to mitigate heat, and exact steps personnel are to take in the event of the entity manifesting.
Remember: lengthy, detailed containment protocols help establish that the entity is dangerous and hard to contain, which gives the entity menace and creates suspense.
RPC-XXX is a dimensional phenomenon that manifests in portals that randomly spawn in superficies2 manifests sporadically in the form of portals within Site-15. These portals have a yellow color and a circle shape are yellow in coloration and circular in shape.
While I personally think there are some that focus on clinical tone a little too much, I can't deny that it definitely needs work here. A few words from a thesaurus sprinkled in simply won't do it. There are specific rules that you need to follow on how you write the article to maintain a clinical tone. While I personally think you'll be fine if you treat these rules more as guidelines than strict rules, egregious things like slang (such as "spam" or "spawn") or contractions should be avoided at all costs.
With all that said, don't fret too much over it. Tone can be added in later, when your draft is a lot more concrete.
RPC-XXX-A is a humanoid entity habitating inside RPC-XXX. RPC-XXX-A lengths 30 m and has arms that lengths the half of its body, its face has a red triangle in the middle, and its body has a golden color. RPC-XXX has bender reality abilities with unknown limits, being one of these destroying universes, manipulating coherency, and changing physic laws from our reality.
Before I continue, I would highly recommend completely re-writing this. All powerful realty benders may be great for power fantasy, but they are utterly boring when you actually put them to paper. Power doesn't make something interesting, weakness does. Because through a combination of power and weakness, you create the potential for conflict.
Conflict with beings so powerful they may as well be considered gods only works with the correct themes and a lot of careful balancing. It doesn't translate well to cryptid fiction writing unless you really know what you're doing.
That being said: Show don't tell. Don't tell me what the entity is capable of doing, show me what the researchers have found out about the entity, and how they found that out.
This is why experiment logs are so popular, because it allows the writer to do just that.
Please note that I don't mean to have the researchers say "through our findings we have discovered RPC-XXX to be an immortal God capable of destroying realty." Or that you should do experiment logs, for that matter. I mean have the article slowly show the reader what the entity is capable of.
Suspense is created through mystery and unanswered questions. If you answer all the questions at once, there's no suspense, and the entity is scary anymore. If you drip feed answers to the reader bit by bit throughout the article, you can maintain and build suspense.
RPC-XXX-A lengths 2 m and has arms that length the half of its body. Its face has a red triangle in the middle, and its body is covered in black fur. Its hands' length is 15 cm and its fingers 9 cm each. Its strength is the same as a human's, While its resistance is abnormally larger than a human's
Needs to be re-worded.
RPC-XXX-A has a superior intellect to humans. Interviews informed that in its dimension, its species has a similar intelligence that humans have in ours.
All of the writing leading up to and including this section absolutely reeks of mary sue writing. A race stronger, faster, more durable, smarter, and overall just better than humans is a quite common world building writing error that many new writers make. It's important to resist this impulse, as all it does make make readers despise that race.
The reason for this, aside from showing obvious authorial bias, is because it doesn't create conflict. If one race is simply better than all the others as a matter of fact, then there's no conflict. If the races are different, and a character, like the entity, sees that difference as proof of superiority, then all of a sudden you have conflict, as there's a very high chance not everyone will agree with it.
The point being: do not make your extra dimensional alien race better, make them different. Make them alien. Then use that alien nature to generate conflict and suspense.
Moving on to the interviews. I'm unfortunately going to have to say they have to be re-written in their entirety. They cement the entity as a mary sue character and frankly turn it, and the authority for that matter, into a joke.
Interviewer: Dr. Hamilton.
Interviewed: RPC-XXX-A
Foreword: RPC-XXX second manifestation in Site-015's administrative wing
<Begin log>
Dr. Hamilton: Alright RPC-XXX-A, how are you?
RPC-XXX-A: Very fine, thanks
Dr. Hamilton: Very well, here I got some questions and…
RPC-XXX-A: Go ahead Remove.
Dr. Hamilton: Great, first then, What is your physical aspect?
RPC-XXX-A: Well, I length like 30 m, and I look like you, except that I have golden fur around me, and a red rubi triangle in the middle of my face. My arm's length is 15 m, and I don't have any toes. Remove. we already know this and is extremely unnatural for dialogue.
Dr. Hamilton: Ok, good. Next, what are your abilities?
RPC-XXX-A: Well, I would say that my biggest ability is to… eem… destroy dimensions, yes that! This cements the entity as a mary sue. Remove entirely.
Dr. Hamilton: Ok, then… What are your purposes here?
RPC-XXX-A: To destroy your dimension Incredibly predictable. Remove and rewrite highly recommended
Dr. Hamiton: What?!
(RPC-XXX vanishes)
Dr. Hamilton: Shit! Remove. This whole sequence completely destroys any serious tone.
Closing statement: After the interview, a plan to control RPC-XXX-A started to be formed and MST-Oscar 23 was founded.
As stated before. This entire section needs to be re-written. This is the reader's first real introduction to the entity and we get a cartoon villain with no personality or meaningful goals. Instead of making the entity menacing, it makes him comical.
An entity has just appeared in the administration wing of a site. Use that to create tension. The entire base should be on high alert and it should be surrounded by armed personnel. The doctor should be tensed and nervous. Don't have the entity merely sweep away the guards, that would destroy any tension built up. The doctor should ask what it is and what it wants. The entity doesn't have to answer, you could even play with the idea that it can't even speak english at first. If you decide it should answer, have it allude to the answer, don't simply tell it outright. Also the answer to "what are you and what do you want?" Cannot be "A god and to destroy you." That simply re-creates the aforementioned problem.
Dialogue is one of the most direct ways to show the reader who your characters are and why the reader should care about them. This dialogue should establish the character of both the doctor and the entity. Mannerisms, physical actions, speaking tone and chosen words all work towards this end. You should know who both characters are and how they would act. Then use this dialogue to convey that, at least in part, to the reader.
You should think on what the entity wants and why it wants it. Does it want to conquer? Why? Is it running out of space at home? Need resources? Does it want to learn? What would drive its quest for knowledge? Is it just bored? Why is it bored and what would interest it?
This should be done for the doctor too. What does he want out of this conversation? To get out alive or to learn? Will he focus on his own safety if threatened? Or will he take a risk to his own life to learn more about this thing? You must know the answer to this and reveal it through his actions.
<Begin log>
Daniel Hines: Alright, what is the situation RPC-XXX-A?
Daniel Hines: No response huh…
(Bolts of Lightning come out from RPC-XXX)
Daniel Hines: What the hell?!
**(Water comes out from RPC-XXX-A)
MST-Oscar 23 agent -15: What are the procedures?!
Daniel Hines: I don't know! Start to empty the water and bring something to control the lightnings! They would know the procedures for this. This makes them look incompetent and stupid. Remove and rewrite.
(Wind starts to come out of RPC-XXX)
**(2 bombs come out of RPC-XXX, they explode and completely freeze 3 MST-Oscar 23 agents)
(A 5.3 Rithcher earthquake starts) Remove. I know about the twist, but this still applies. You must establish exactly what the entity can do and stick to it, giving it every power under the sun, and especially randomly giving it new powers, makes it uninteresting.
Daniel Hines: What do you want?!
RPC-XXX-A: A SACRIFICE!!!! Remove. Same as above. This whole sequence completely destroys any serious tone.
Daniel Hines: Bring a CSD-Subject!! CSDs are acceptable losses, but losing them is still a loss. The Authority doesn't purposely throw CSDs into the meat-grinder.
(CSD-7291 enters the scene and is thrown at RPC-XXX by MST-Oscar 23, and burns)
RPC-XXX-A: WHERE IS THE SACRIFICE?!!
Daniel Hines: We threw it to you! but it turned to ashes due to your portal!!
**(A red laser comes from RPC-XXX and melts MST-Oscar 23 agent-07's head)
(RPC-XXX vanishes)
<End log>
Closing Statement: After the event, Minor damages were reported. Extreme caution is to be held when RPC-XXX manifests.
This sections repeats and cements the same problems as the first. Establishes the entity as a mary sue, robs the article of any stakes by making the conflict comically one sided and adds nothing to the character of the doctor or the entity. Each one of these dialogues should have a goal. Be it move the plot forward or develop a character.
Interviewed: RPC-XXX-A
Interviewer: Daniel Hines
Foreword: On 25/09/2014, RPC-XXX manifested in Site-015's medical wing. MST-Oscar 23 was displayed at the scene.
<Begin log>
Daniel Hines: Alright RPC-XXX-A, we are prepared, do not act hostile, we have various weapons to act against you.
RPC-XXX-A: Yeah, about that, it was all made up. A plot twist is a carefully laid unexpected turn in the story that the reader initially didn't see coming, yet with hindsight becomes obvious. It requires careful planning and a trail of clear, yet very subtle clue to make work. This is a bait and switch that comes out of nowhere.
Daniel Hines: What?!
RPC-XXX-A: Eeem, yeah. I did it because i was passing through a very hard moment in my life
Daniel Hines: What!, It sure be a technique!
RPC-XXX-A: No, really, it was fake. I did it because i was being bullied, and a lot of rage was passing me, and i got even in you This establishes the entity as pathetic and pitiable. There is a chance for this to work, but if you want to keep the character threatening, I would recommend removing and re-writing.
Daniel Hines: Alright, communicate me with the regional director, we have to get this MST-Oscar 23 canceled, and all that shit
RPC-XXX-A: Eeem, can i talk with you and Mr. Hamilton
Daniel Hines: Why?
RPC-XXX-A: My therapist said that i have to apologize to you Same as above, remove if you wish to keep him threatening.
Daniel Hines: Alright, i'll program an interview with Dr. Hamilton, you can say your apologies to me now.
RPC-XXX-A: Sorry for creating problems for you and your company, i am changing now. I am a very nice guy, i did all these for personal problems
Daniel Hines: Yeah, Yeah, i accept your apologies, yes, Eeem, Gerald, we got a problem here…
RPC-XXX-A: Alright
(RPC-XXX-A hand comes out of RPC-XXX and shakes hands with Daniel Hines)
Social ostracization could be an excellent motive for why the entity wishes to come to our world. But the execution needs a lot of work. If this is the reason you want to stick to, have it be reclusive and shy. Or if you want to have it go to the Authority's world to seek friendship, a clean slate, have the entity try to be approachable. If you do go this route, make sure its attempts don't go according to plan for one reason or another. Maybe the entity can't communicate at first and intent gets lost in translation. Or maybe the Authority is too panicked during the initial encounter to notice this gesture.
Regardless of what you pick, it absolutely cannot act the way it was in the previous logs if this is its intent. If it is to act violent, it must be in self defence.
Also do note that using this motive inherently creates pity in the reader. So if you wish for it to be a serious threat, and not a sad, even somewhat pathetic character, then you should pick a different motive.
This is already long enough as it is so I'll skip the final log, with the only note to remove the IQ portion for the aforementioned "reeks of mary sue" reason.
(account deleted)