http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/superphenomena
I could keep poking at this thing forever but I think it's getting close to the point where it's worth finishing it up and posting it to the main site.
Part 1 of 2. Will cover Conprocs later if I can get back to this. For now just focusing on Description and below.
RPC-XXXX resembles a tall human with many insect-like legs extending from its waist. Its two humanoid legs are proportionally double the length expected and have large chicken feet in place of human feet. The minor legs are thinner, resembling those of a spider, and end in hard keratin blades. The blades average 15 cm in length and have a single edge that curves inward. These blades are connected by an ankle that can bend inward as a primitive form of grasping. The number of these legs is inconsistent as a result of an anomalous property. Specifically, the number of legs on any side of RPC-XXX that is not actively being viewed will change at random. Viewing RPC-XXX by its reflection or through a live camera feed will suppress this change in legs as well.
"Resembles" should be cut. Just adds a bit of clutter, isn't very in tone, and would by better replaced with "is a humanoid entity." "Many" is imprecise and isn't very clinical. A better word would be "variable" considering its constantly shifting. Bit of a nitpick, I don't feel legs is good to use for the arachnoid bits. It has human legs and it would make it easier to refer to the arachnoid things as "limbs" and the actual legs as "legs." "Insect-like" should be "insectoid" but since these are spider limbs it should be "arachnoid." That way it's more to the point. Rest of the article needs these general tone/grammar adjustments like the ones listed. Could go over all of them but I think you get the point.
Here's a "fixed" version you could use for reference:
RPC-XXXX is a humanoid entity with a variable number of arachnoid limbs emerging from its waist. Its legs are twice the length expected and possess abnormally large, avian talons in place of feet. The arachnoid limbs are thin and end in curved, keratin blades. These blades are 15 cm in length on average, have a single edge, and can bend inwards in a grasping motion. The amount of these arachnoid limbs the entity possesses changes as limbs will manifest and demanifest at random when unobserved. Direct and indirect viewing of all sides of the entity has proven sufficient at suppressing this effect.
At a distance, this is easily misinterpreted as being an extension of its cloak.
This type of detail isn't important. The description should only care about the appearance and nature of the anomaly. Not what people may think when they see it. It's unnecessary to understanding the anomaly.
RPC-XXXX exhales a gas that suppresses the immune system of those who inhale it
Add toxic hazard since this gas is a dangerous chemical. Would require hazmat gear to respond to.
When uncontained, RPC-XXX shows a consistent pattern of behavior. It will emerge from a swamp in fall, slowly migrate west until it reaches the Appalachian mountains in winter, and then return to a swamp by the end of spring. The swamp it enters in spring will be south of the swamp it left in fall, and the swamp it exits in the next fall will be south of the swamp it entered the previous spring.
But why does it do this? What is the purpose of this migratory pattern? The article somewhat implies this isn't a singular entity, or at least wasn't always, so is this pattern supposed to be so it can find a mate? Is this for hunting? The article doesn't say and would be important to at least note that the Authority doesn't know. The Authority wouldn't just observe this behavior and assume there's no reason to it. There could be no reason, literally just something random it does, but that's not something that should just be inferred with something that helps propagate horrible disease.
When it enters a swamp, it will submerge itself and transform into non-anomalous peat that contains residual amounts of the gas it breathes.
Add Transmutation Hazard since it is able to shapeshift life this. Adds a significant level of difficulty to containment since it can just look like a pile of dirt.
Creatures resembling RPC-XXX have been recorded since the founding of colonies by British settlers. It does not appear in any oral traditions of the local indigenous tribes. It is consistently described as a hybrid of human and nonhuman body parts that is a bringer of disease. In a period of time from 18██ to 19██ it was described as having large wings that it used to fly over towns, all of which would soon after suffer from outbreaks of disease.
I feel this information should be moved to a history/discovery section. The Authority did exist in these periods so it would be important to note if they sighted it in those times and if yes what they had to say about it. Again the transmutation because it can possibly shapeshift significantly. As for the indigenous thing, how? what was it doing not to be significant in their cultures? Did it manifest when the Europeans arrived? If so, why?
The simplest explanation is that there is some intangible property of RPC-XXX independent of its physical form, and that it exists in an intangible form each summer. It is also incapable of assuming its intangible form unless it submerges itself in swampland waters. This is the theory Authority researchers currently operate on, but it is not necessarily the true explanation.
I feel the Authority should be doing experiments to confirm or debunk this. If they refuse to due to security risks, that would be more a hypothesis then a theory. Like, have a temporary chamber made in a swamp during the summer and have it be in an isolated area away from much civilization so only small communities will be affected, which can then be easily evacuated under the guise of a gas leak. Also Incorporeal Hazard if there's enough evidence for it to be reasonably factual.
Mild aversion to clean water, somewhat stronger aversion to blessed water.
This type of information should be put into the description. Things that affect the anomaly and how are as important to know as what it looks and sounds like.
Jet-black giant wearing a cloak
How do people in the 1860's know what a jet is to compare the color? Also more description needed for this and the next.
Overall, it's an interesting demonic entity. I feel it needs to be explored more in the article. As it stands, there just isn't much substance. We get this creature but aren't told what it's doing or what it's goals may be. Does it want to spread disease, or does it dislike that part of itself? Does feel some instinctive need to migrate, or does it just do it on its own volition? For example, the thing could be a literal manifestation of disease brought about by the collective suffering and death that the Europeans ushered in with their arrival. It would explain why the natives didn't have anything to say about it, why its migration sends it near populated areas, and would give it an avenue to expand the article. The creature could've became more active with the beginning of the Covid pandemic. The more suffering from disease there is the more energetic and content it becomes. It uses its traits to help spread disease kinda like how we go over fields planting seeds to eat the fruit that sprouts from them. It's not actively thinking as it destroys people's immune systems then feeds off their suffering.
I think I've put in (or at least considered) everything. Giving it some kind of motive was the biggest thing I added in with this, and I did a bit of rewrites to fit the idea that the authority had heard of but not seen it before their first sighting of it. Thanks for the crit!
Containment Protocols:
RPC-XXXX is stored at Site-0XX, in the Appalachian Mountains. Transfer is not recommended and should be limited to any sites from from swampland.
It is stored in a well-ventilated building on site with an independent HVAC system.
There's missing spaces here. Instead of being spaced
like this (without a line inbetween) they should be spaced
like this (with a line inbetween). There's several instances of this throughout the draft.
many spider-like legs extending from its waist.
You can say arachnoid or insectoid
"extending from its waist in every direction."
Its two humanoid legs are proportionally double the length expected and have large, avian feet in place of human feet.
"Its two humanoid legs are double the expected length proportional to the rest of its body, and have large, avian feet."
The minor legs are thinner and end in hard keratin blades connected at an ankle.
I'm not sure if they qualify as legs if they're not used for locomotion. The scientific term might be something like "thoracic appendages" because they're extremities that come from the torso, but that's a little unwieldy.
"The arachnoid appendages are tipped by a hard, keratinous blade that extends from an ankle-like articulation."
You don't really need to specify "thinner" since spider-like or arachnoid would already communicate that.
The blades average 15 cm in length, have a single edge that curves toward RPC-XXX, and can bend inward for a primitive form of grasping.
"The blades average 15cm in length and curve inward, being capable of bending in a manner that is analogous to grasping."
The number of legs on any side of RPC-XXX that is not actively being viewed will change at random. This includes indirect viewing through a camera or by its reflection but does not include still images or other recordings of RPC-XXX.
"The number of arachnoid legs appears to shift while they are not being observed or obfuscated by orientation respective to RPC-XXX. This does not happen in visual record, whether video or image, but does during indirect observation via digital devices."
It would be 265 cm tall if it were to stand fully upright, but regularly stands crouched at a height of 220-230 cm. This is likely due to the length of its minor legs, as if it were to stand fully upright, they would not be able to reach the ground.
"RPC-XXX stands at 265cm while fully upright. Its primary legs are generally partially retracted in a crouching manner, in order to permit its secondary arachnoid legs to reach the ground and assist with motion."
RPC-XXXX exhales a gas with immunosupressant effects.
Do these effects take place during inhalation or skin contact?
RPC-XXX is empowered by the number of humans suffering from disease
Elaborate on this. Does it gain physical strength, or just feed, or how else is this measurable?
If RPC-XXX is assumed to have existed prior to this, it likely sensed the great number of infections occurring in the Americas at the time but was only able to journey with British ships unknown reasons. Alternatively, it manifested due to this great number of infections.
"It is believed that RPC-XXX traveled to the American continent during British colonization, with the additional suspicion that it may have sensed or otherwise followed an abundance in vector-borne physical illnesses."
You should specify what kind of illnesses RPC-XXX spreads, and with what symptoms (or give examples if they vary a lot).
stronger aversion to blessed water.
Blessed water in general, or specifically holy water? The former seems more interesting frankly. You could tie this into spiritual beliefs about running/stagnating water representing purity/corruption respectively — there's a lot of those to draw from, especially Japan.
Add proper bolding.
Years: 19██ - 20██
Summary: CSD personnel tested various objects on RPC-XXX to discover any possible methods of capture. This testing occurred over the course of many months, with RPC-XXX being tracked between experiments. Many methods inspired by previous accounts of RPC-XXX.
Things Learned:
To:
Years: 19██ - 20██
Summary: CSD personnel tested various objects on RPC-XXX to discover any possible methods of capture. This testing occurred over the course of many months, with RPC-XXX being tracked between experiments. Many methods inspired by previous accounts of RPC-XXX.
Things Learned: Observations:
Fairly alright draft, but I'd spice this up a little more, especially regarding the varying appearances and its reaction to religious icons. Elaborate on why these things happen in an indirect/implied manner and you're pretty much golden.
First and foremost, consider a new image header. Your art looks great, albeit, I doubt it's C.C compatible. If it is, it doesnt really fit into the article idea you're trying to tell. You COULD try doodling and drawing your anomaly yourself and have those drawings be recountings of the previous forms which it has been sighted as.
CON PROCS
RPC-XXXX is stored contained in a 5.5 m x 7 m x 5 m chamber within Site-0XX, located in the [direction] mountain range of [state that is within the Appalachian Mountain range].
Minor rewording is needed. The Appalachian Mountains has a length of 2,400 km, and crosses over various states and provinces of the USA and Canada, so do specify in which part of the Appalachian Mountain range is this Site-0XX of yours.
Transfer is not recommended and should be limited to any sites from from swampland.
I don't understand what you meant by this, and I doubt it's information we'll need in the future.
It is stored in a well-ventilated building on site an on-site climate controlled building with an independent HVAC system. The building is composed of the containment chamber, an observation room, a storage closet, as well as the entrance hallway connecting these three rooms. The containment chamber is a 5.5 x 7 x 5 meter room with a reinforced window 2 meter X 6 meter x 2 cm in size, giving a view from the observation room.
The information mentioned here is very standard and doesn't really add anything to the anomaly. The last sentence should go earlier into the Containment Protocols, otherwise it makes the pacing of the article very sloppy.
Level-B HAZMAT suit protection is required obligatory for any non-CSD all personnel entering the containment building. Level-A being used when entering the containment chamber. CSD personnel are required to wear Level-C at minimum, though higher levels of protection may be granted weaker levels of protection during experimentation.
Rewording, also establish that we run experiments on this thing without cluttering it up.
Bleach Chlorine, or any other disinfectant and various other disinfectant chemicals, should be easily accessible from both the observation deck and interior of the containment chamber, with extra located in the storage closet throught the site. These can be used on It has been demonstrated to work as a deterrent for RPC-XXX during times of crisis. Clean water acts as a repellent, though a weaker one than strong disinfectants. Water that has been blessed and then used on RPC-XXXX by someone who views that blessing as valid will cause a stronger reaction than just clean water. For most, this reaction will still be weaker than use of disinfectants.
I have no idea why a chemical would disencourage your RPC to…do whatever it is it needs to be done. It's not adressed later in the article, so I have no say on how to improve upon it. Also, ''blessed water''? Elaborate further
In the summer, testing is to halt on RPC-XXX and its containment chamber door is to remain locked.
No need for this to be established when you have a climate controlled chamber to begin with ;)
DESCRIPTION
Imma address something the previous two dorks forgot to, mostly beyond the description of the anomaly. Here we go!
Poor clinical tone. It's alright, just keep writing and practicing, you'll get the hang of it one day! Protip: the cleaner you can explain something, the more easy to understand it is.
The article could use more work and a better clinical tone. It's clearly missing that ''UMPH'' factor, yknow? It's not scary, but it certainly has an aura of mystery that you have not yet explored! Given time, I can see this as a very succesfull mainlist entry, but as it is now, well…
Take your article into a general direction! Do you wanna creep out the readers, or make them feel intrigued? Or both? Do so! After that, clinical tone will be the least of your concerns.