Much more downsized than most would remember, but don't worry, we'll include more stuff as we garner steam. If you're wondering where's all the content, click on part three: the Current era of 2022. The idea has always been to segment content based on the three eras. But either way, Ad Astra.
I am sure its obvious but do remove the stuff on the top/organized vapor section cause it looks like it was meant to be removed.
"Cosmic Embers is a story of parallels and fight for the future of a currently nomadic humanity."
this sentence seems off.
I know its "faster than light" but the abbreviation used I think should be FTL rather than FLT but thats just a nitpick.
Overall I couldn't really find issues even when prying around. I think this is really well made and is one of the most thorough hubs on the site.
Repost from discord :)
First picture that appears definitely looks more like an event than a hub opener. Maybe something more neutral like a fleet in space would be better.
If you're becoming an alt canon, you're DEFINITELY gonna want to sort out the documents/grpcs/tales. Maybe a tabview? It will get very cluttered soon.
I assume "sandbox pages" will be removed?
And perhaps the writing guide should be in a different page if this is supposed to be the main lander for anyone looking to read/writer for GRPC. It overloads them with way too much info.
I don't give it approval yet because I think these issues are pretty pressing to reader enjoyment, but I think once these are fixed you're good to go.
Pretty cool hub! I like the new division between the Cosmic Ember eras. It might be a better idea to reverse them since most GRPC articles currently deal with the time after the Sol Wars, so it's like the tabs are going back in history.
I suggested to you before to have a section explaining the GRPC's leadership. You get a little bit of that with the Old Guard and the R-P-C divisions in the Writer's Guide, but I still think it would be helpful to have that somewhere, whether on the hub or in a supplemental page.
Looking forward to reading more Cosmic Embers article!
Cosmic Embers
Missing period
So 'stay with me a lil' longer?
Are the quotation marks here intentional?
humanities fascination
"humanity's fascination"
Even as the Veil crept back did the Authority continue to slow speculative science into breaking natural law.
Suggestion: "Even as the Veil was receding, the Authority continued intervening to prevent speculative science from breaking natural law."
radiated
"radiating"
Wunderwaffens
What does this mean?
An unstoppable force, their invasion would announce itself from the 1937 Sub Saharan and pour out from surrounding celestial bodies
I don't quite understanding this line. From Sub Saharan Africa?
Some chose to leave, others to fight decades in attrition, but most hoped for the best and prepared for the worst.
Suggestion: "Some departed, some fought a decades-long war of attrition, but most hoped for the best and prepared for the worst."
tor
"tore"
Sensabilities
"Sensibilities"
schematic
Think you meant "schematics"
With all sense of normalcy gone; the veil itself shattered, the revelation of RPC's existence was surely imminent.
"With all sense of normalcy gone, and the Veil itself shattered, the revelation of RPC's existence was surely imminent."
imminent. Or so most thought.
"imminent, or so most thought."
"Old guard"
"Old Guard"
knew to
"knew they had to"
Any hints of its origin mainly brushed off a secret collective of like-minded, guilded-age explorers.
Suggestion: "Its ambiguous origin was generally brushed off as the work of a secretive group of gilded-age explorers."
Most unbeknownst to this knowledge, and the GRPC still too small to have even united humanity still on Earth,
Suggestion: "Most of this knowledge remains unknown, the GRPC was too small to unite humanity while they were still on Earth, but things have changed."
the old guard must unilaterally work its way up through the ranks to establish humanity as a player among the intergalactic community.
Suggestion: "A unilateral campaign undertaken by the Old Guard is necessary to establish humanity as a major player among the intergalactic community."
How this will be achieved, however, is still unknown.
Suggestion: "Exactly how this will be accomplished is yet to be determined."
take
"takes"
The biggest one is how factions play a part in the story at large.
Suggestion: "In general, the most important element is how factions play a role in the story."
"The story takes place over "Acts," which are module variations of the setting at different periods of time and parts of the narrative to show the evolution of its world. They span from pre-calamity Earth into later the far, far future."
Suggestion: "Throughout the story, there are "Acts," which show the evolution of the world by showing the setting at different points in time and different parts of the narrative. They range from the pre-calamity Earth to the far future."
organization. GRPC
"organization, GRPC"
if it's
"it's"
itself, use
"itself and use"
further and make that more special.
"further." or "further to make it more special/unique."
Suspiria
What is Suspiria?
ergonomically
"ergonomic"
than just the
"then the"
the technology
"that technology"
Are there anyway
"is there anyway"
most
"the most"
most FTL-tech
"different FTL-tech"
Concerning preservation ships, probably use an array of minor anomalous phenomena to make living onboard them sustainable.
Suggestion: "Preservation ships probably use a variety of minor anomalous phenomena to make living onboard sustainable."
But besides some prescription drugs to smooth things over non-permanent residents, most people just have to tough it out.
"Aside from a few prescription drugs to smooth things over for non-permanent residents, most people just have to tough it out."
irreparably altered
Suggestion: " they have irreparably changed."
the sole wars
"the Sol Wars"
Sattelite system.
"Satellite system."
the Sattelite Republic
"the Satellite Republic"
Realistically, if they tried, the Sattelite Republic is spread too thin and would likely unravel if that ever happened—though they try to prevent them from leaving.
I can't understand this sentence. What do you mean here?
the process was and is dependent.
"is dependent" on what?
Tech.?
"Tech?"
Keep western sensibilities of embellishment.
Is there a difference with 'eastern sensibilities'?
brains computational
"brain's computational"
thematic elements are tying force between the whole cannon.
Suggestion: "thematic elements bind the whole canon together."
defensively demonstrate
What do you mean by "defensively"?
From analog to early digital; practical architecture to applied designs almost out of the renaissance, human interstellar technology remains a hodge-podge of different eras, utility, and schools of thought meant to coalesce.
Suggestion: "Human interstellar technology has always been an amalgam of eras, utility, and schools of thought. From analog to early digital; from practical architecture to applications almost out of the Renaissance, it remains a house full of different eras, applications, and schools of thought meshed together."
is to often reflect
"often reflects"
and possess
"possess"
Imagine the world of tomorrow of a world's fair poster, but rusted over into a Hoovertown given the shape of a generational ship.
I don't quite understand what you mean here.
flashy colors well-worn
"flashy well-worn colors"
Architexture
"Architecture"
Design elements for the different factions and mainly focus on the campy attitudes of the period.
"Designs for the different factions emphasize the campy attitudes of the era."
Stations often either
"Stations are often"
start
"have started"
Sharp reds that contrast with heroic blues and earthy browns, as well as wild-orange spacesuits adorn their designs.
Suggestion: "Featuring bold reds that contrast with blues, earthy browns and wild orange space suits, their designs stand out."
typical
"typically"
suit
"suits"
transporting
"transporation"
decored
"decorated"
While not NASCAR sturdy, their first priority is to not give the appearance of a threat.
Would a NASCAR racecar look like it poses a threat? I would think a "threatening" car would be like a Hummer or semi-truck.
themselves have tight-fitting space suits, glass bowl helmets, and often keep tracking devices, laser guns, and basic Zero-G traversal gear on their person.
"wear tight-fitting space suits, glass bowl helmets, and often carry tracking devices, laser guns, and basic Zero-G traversal gear on their person."
forces technology
"forces' technology"
realist
"realistic"
A character that may perfectly represent that bull-headedness of their faction or cause but may reveal a flaw in or a good critique of opposing institutions later on. It may even change their mind.
"Characters representing the bull-headedness of a faction or cause may later reveal a flaw in or make a good case for opposing institutions. Even better, they may change their minds."
or
"There may be characters that perfectly represent a group's bullheadedness, but later on they can be shown a flaw or a good critique of opposing institutions. They may even change their minds."
Characters may work on the micro stage of realistic grunts or be high up in faction politics to navigate to get what they want and enforce it by their hand.
"Characters may work on the micro level of realistic grunts or high up in faction politics negotiating what they want and enforcing it."
for bribed retrieval team
"for a bribed retrieval team" or "for bribed retrieval teams"
Solaris (1961) by Stanislaw Lem
I think you meant Solaris (1972) by Andrei Tarkovsky. The book was released in 1961, not the movie.