Hello, I have assembled this draft article with its intended body paragraphs and assembly of works. I am learning CSS slowly and thus the GRAPHICAL FORMATTING of this article is CERTAIN TO CHANGE in the interim, so spare the obvious in that direction please!
Critique in Collapsable
GENERAL CRITIQUE
[ BOARD OF REGENTS, SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION]
Fix the space
This document ,
Spacing
Theistic Department
Theology Department would be much better and smoother of a department name.
Can't say I know what you want me to say
No punctuations.
Be that as it may we aren't supposed to be speaking.
"Be that as it may, we aren't supposed to be speaking."
Okay, you worked at the Chrysler Plant… but , you already know what this conversations gonna be about your smart enough for that…
Copy this for elipsis. You have a bad habit of only doing 2 instead of 3.
No no, We represent Arterial first and foremost
Unnecessary punctuations.
Mr.Riccardo
Space it out
We got the… code word Horns.
Elipsis again.
..Okay!
Elipsis.
And…And
Space it out
Also ,again
Also, again
Haha, but..I guess not then?
Elipsis again.
I guess you could write down..hallucinations
One final elipsis error.
Section Critique
[PHONECALL PRINTED TRANSCRIPT]
This section in general falls into the issue of not having the indication of who is talking in this situation. I recommend that your have the names on the side.
LACK OF FOOTNOTE
I feel that his page would benefit from the use of a footnote section to exaplain some of the details a records keeper and administration would want to know when working on them in universe.
Concept itself
I do hope you make this into a series and explore the conclusion of what happens to this artifact because I feel that it would do better as an explored conflict in this small anomaly somewhere in Detroit.
CONCLUSION
I am really impressed with the article you made here. You present a number of interesting hooks that other writers can work off of and the piece itself give a good glimpse of what the world of the Authority is like in universe. Complaint I have is that there is not enough content, and I have detailed already on how you should make this into a series. Additionally, your attention to detail for punctuation leaves a small sour taste, but nothing a short bit of editing can't fix. Overall I'd give this article a 4/5.
Dreams. Each man longs to pursue his dream. Each man is tortured by this dream, but the dream gives meaning to his life. Even if the dream ruins his life, man cannot allow himself to leave it behind. In this world, is man ever able to possess anything more solid, than a dream?
~Kentaro Miura
I've done a complete visual and formatting rework of your article as it was pretty awful to read. http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/blairinbaph
INFORMATION CONTAINED WITHIN PRESENTED BY :
Remove space before :
Office of Information Records and Security ,
Ditto after Security
Yellow tagging has been applied due to its significance as a piece of Administration historical affairs.
There is no such yellow tagging in the article.
Paul N. Perrot ,Assistant Secretary ,
wrong comma placement, remove space after Secretary
Detroit Industrial Communities
Communities -> Community's
remain Federal program matters of secrecy.
Remove "program"
specifically. -
Stray "-", remove.
is a property of State archeological significance
Add "of" after "State"
Specifically, The workplace
Remove capitalized "T"
texture, interior ,
Remove space after "interior"
Furthermore, It is
Remove capitalized "I"
the site, 5 of which permanent staffing.
Add "remained as" after "which"
The loss of this team should not represent a significant hurtle to Arterial Detroit, LLC ,
Replace comma with period and remove space.
We would like to softly inquire as to what the hell you could possibly be thinking at this time, John
The speaker should be indicated as in the later tabs. Do so with bolded text, which you can do like this:
[CLASSIFIED]: We would like to softly inquire as to what the hell you could possibly be thinking at this time, John.
**[CLASSIFIED]:** We would like to softly inquire as to what the hell you could possibly be thinking at this time, John.
Take it up with the White House brother.
Add comma after House.
This isn't a security concern this is somebodies ego
Comma after concern, somebodies -> somebody's
The cooperatives cancelled
cooperative -> cooperative's
doubt related to Spiros scatterbrained idealis-
Spiros -> Spiros's
—THU 2 72 09:31:21 Floor CONSOLE —
[floor to control]
Suggest you bold and center this, like so:
—THU 2 72 09:31:21 Floor CONSOLE —
[Floor to Control]
= **—THU 2 72 09:31:21 Floor CONSOLE —**
= **[Floor to Control]**
A:CAROUSELS ACTIVE, CORDOBA WING REPORTS
Space after "A:". Bold "A:" too. Goes for every other instance. CAROUSELS -> CAROUSEL'S
Define Active, Readiness Level?
"Define active. Readiness Level?"
Dennis Thurgood ,
Remove comma after last name
Okay you worked at the Chrysler Plant…but , you
Space after ellipses, remove space after "but".
you already know what this conversations gonna be about your smart enough for that…
conversations -> conversation's
Period after "your"
your -> you're.
cause its hard to
its -> it's
It was [explicit] up
Bold "[explicit]" to distinguish it from the text
Also ,again
Remove space before comma, add after
Like It wasnt made of metal no more
Remove capitalized "I"
Like , what I thought I knew about it, that morning
Remove space after "Like"
I got scared, Haha
Remove capitalized "H"
Carousel Module_
Add space after "Module" and before "_"
the remaining paperwork work is retrieved
Remove "work"