Does 880's goo regenerate? From how it's described, it seems like it's just constantly losing mass that cannot be replaced.
My absolute first impression here was that Milner absolutely fucking sucks as a therapist. The way she's immediately cold to a patient that has recently been through shock is untoward of anyone on the field. I get that she says herself that she doesn't want the job and it's implied she's not the most competent, but this is past the threshold of disbelief suspension for me — even for someone who's emotionally compromised. AFAIK therapists are trained for exactly that kind of eventuality.
I don't think I can really call that a flaw though, given how it's addressed in-universe. What does stretch the imagination is the reason why she got the assignment. How in the world would anyone not immediately find an issue with giving Milner the exact same assignment in which her mentor died, right after he died? Not even a breather period? Again, this isn't an issue of this not being addressed in-universe, just that it feels completely beyond human behavior.
Also, did she get assigned due to her mentor's wishes or because there's no replacement yet? Both explanations are put forward but I'm not sure they're mutually compatible.
[ Silence. Dr. Milner accidentally pushes a pen off the table and leans to pick it up. The subject begins opening a large, mouth-like cavity on her head, stretching it towards Dr. Milner. ]
I'm absolutely not a good judge because I already knew the twist beforehand, but this could come off as too heavy on the foreshadowing side. Or, y'know, have the opposite effect because it seems so obvious. I assume that's the intent but I'm not sure if it works.
I don't get why the Discovery is so late in the article from an in-universe perspective. I get what the point is narratively, it just doesn't make a lot of sense that the Authority would put it there.
Dr. Kreshaw: Nothing. They are simply reassigned to a different job, there is no need for any furt… actual punishment.
I personally dislike Freudian slips as a method of building character and motivation. They feel way too heavy-handed where something as simple as a stutter or brief pause would do the trick.
[ Dr. Kreshaw coughs, interrupting Dr. Milner. She pauses for a moment. ]
Not showing mutual conflict as a team/duo is the absolute 101 of psychology and mediation. It would make more sense for Kreshaw to make some kind of head gesture or maybe raise his hand slightly, pointing to 880.
most people die working for the Authority, or get targeted when they leave it.
targeted by the Authority or EoIs?
I genuinely don't know what the fuck Milner expected to happen when exposing 880's lie in front of her while completely disarmed and accompanied by a second easy target. She's practically asking to cause a lethal breach that could kill more people than just her. Why would she not just talk to her colleagues and keep the revelation a secret to ensure 880's cooperation is kept?
Those she helps become indebted and trustful, willing to forego and change their own beliefs in favor of hers.
It should be made clearer whether this is an anomalous property or not.
Should other individuals witness the assault, they will become targets as well, the rampage quickly snowballing from murder to possibly a slaughter.
The latter third feels way too edgy IMO. "RPC-6666 IS VERY LETHAL AND ITS RAMPAGE WILL SOON BECOME A SLAUGHTER" levels of edgy.
You go away from your friends, from the people that help you for a selfish reason.
Comma after the last "you". Otherwise it's implying that they're helping for a selfish reason.
Despite approaching this with the absolute worst bias and expectations I could, I can't say I didn't enjoy this story. I really did try to hate it as much as possible but I reluctantly admit that I like it.
With that said, I do think there's a lot of piling logical issues (that I've pointed out above) that deteriorate the reading experience. The plot requires the DoP and Milner to shut down their brains regularly in order to happen as it does, and even though it's entertaining I struggle to see how one could ignore these issues. The DoP's obstinacy with pushing Milner to this job and keeping her there borders on stupidity, and it goes beyond that when they still grant them one last session together despite every sign that things cannot go right even with Kreshaw's presence and intervention.
I can't say it's perfect but I also cannot say (not for lack of want) that it's bad. The plot itself works really well and it's excellently developed — it's just that this is at the expense of other important parts of the article.