Hey guys. This is an existing article that I wrote that was received pretty decent. Let me know if this would fit within RPC:
Personnel are to take Class-F amnestics after interviews are recorded.
No such thing according to our [Amnestics Guide]. Perhaps use extergito glyphs or another class of amnestic.
RPC-X-A also has perfect knowledge of every individual the subject has come into contact with
Already stated by it being omnipotent. In the effort of accuracy, you should either nyx this or reclassify omnipotent to something else in order to better describe the RPC.
Upon reading further, yeah. Maybe strikethrough omnipotent to show that they have learned information about the entity using real world information to "predict" events.
Good article, I'd give it a 4/5.
Special Containment Procedures
Containment Protocols*
This is in the image too.
with12
If RPC-X-A does not obtain what it wants from the subject, it will further torment them by causing auditory/visual hallucinations, implanting thoughts, or appearing in dreams.
What exactly does it do in these? What do the hallucinations of itself do to the victim?
Great question! Now, if you allow me to answer. An artist I like once said 'You die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.' My body is gone, and all that's left is my soul. However, after much thought, I believe my will has kept me alive. I will not be forgotten now, nor in the future. My miracles cast upon New York City remind the world of who I am. Let it be known!
I'm not sure if this is intentional, but this doesn't seem super verbose of him. I'm sure you could also make the interviewer sound a looot more exaggerated, much more in line with the image at the start. Having Ted speak in a simple manner while the interviewer strains to lengthen his sentences as much as possible would be hilarious.
Dr. Collin: Ah yes, duly noted gracious Ted.
Dr. Collins: I agree. I worry about those who don't see you. What about those who have found their own … God?
The distinction between what is sufficiently verbose and what isn't is also kind of nebulous, so you'd doubly benefit from making Collins's lines longer.
All in all, pretty okay article right now, with the opportunity to be a lot funnier. I'd expand on what his influence across NY is — it'd be interesting to see his followers pursuing specific goals that revealed more about Ted.
Sidenote but the Wendy's bucket above the payphone is extremely funny in a subtle way.
Right!
Grammar And Tone
Normally, there would be a few paragraphs about me bitching on "ooh no passive voice, ooh no concise language", but I'm inclined to believe that any and all mistakes in this regard are intentional. So I'll gloss over this part.
Structure and Lore
No issues here. Moving on.
Content
The issue with writing crit for an article like this is that I don't have a lot of complaints. Sure, there are a few intangible missed opportunities here and there that would make this article even funnier, but for the most part this is a good article with a strong idea that's decently explored.
Moving on.
Narrative
Like the above, this article isn't in need of a narrative (rising and falling action based on what you know) since it's a solid idea decently executed.
Good luck!
Wording and Terminology Crit:
“Special Containment Procedures”
Should be “containment protocols”
“ Instances of RPC-X-1 are contained”
Usually the containment protocols are future tense, such as “RPC-X is to be contained”. While technically correct in this sense, the future tense may help it fit in with the other articles better.
“contained on-site”
Where else would they be contained? You could substitute this out with something like “a storage locker” or “a standard alpha containment vault”. This would send the same message and also avoid redundancies.
“A group of Research Personnel are assigned exclusively to communicate with RPC-X-A”
Could be reworded to future tense, something like “are to be assigned exclusive access to communications with RPC-X-A”
“RPC-X refers to 11 anomalous payphones in the New York Metropolitan Area. When one of these payphones (designated RPC-X-1)”
These payphones are RPC-X, but then they’re actually designated RPC-X-1. Try to keep the designations consistent.
“what it wants from the subject”
Could be reworded to something like “the veneration it desires from the subject”. The new sentence is more informative and keeps the message.
“the now terminated had an acquaintanceship with a personnel had contacted RPC-X-A.“
Could be reworded to something like “the arsonist had an acquaintanceship with a member of staff who had been in contact with RPC-X-A”
“between ███ to ████ persons”
Why are the numbers censored? Why is it such sensitive information to require a redaction? It just seems unnecessary.
“RPC-X-A ceases discussion”
Could be reworded to something more clinical like “RPC-X-A terminates the connection”
Overall Crit:
This concept is simple, but explored very well. It was an enjoyable read all the way through. It never got over-complicated and was easy to follow all the way through. It left some interesting questions hanging in the air which added a tinge of mystique to it all. You have done quite well for yourself.
The wording and terminology could use some tweaks. There were places where the clinical tone broke or you used SCP’s wording rather than RPC’s. I understand that this used to be an SCP draft before being ported here, but it would be appreciated in the future if you caught all the discrepancies rather than just the major ones.
Overall, I really liked this. A few tweaks here and there and it would be a solid 4/5 from me. It wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty damn good. Good job, and I eagerly await your future drafts.
As one final note, I hope you enjoyed my humble gracious verbose criticisms and critiques on your absolutely wonderful, astounding, and necessary draft coming from the grand lord of all of New York, Ted.