RPC-XXX: "Throne" of God
RPC-XXX: "Throne" of God
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» RPC-XXX: "Throne" of God
Summary:
Err...I guess this one sorta explains itself.
It's still pretty rough, but I would really appreciate a critique please.
IMAGE BLOCK CODE (IF APPLICABLE)
Remove this.
fire-proofed containment unit
fire-resistant
fire-resisted screen glass
fire-rated
the north facing wall
north-facing
requiring a Level 2 access card to open and lock the door once testing begins.
“requiring a Level 2 access card to operate.”
fitted with insect-repellent protective mesh apparel and to be armed with approved XM42 Flamethrowers,
insect-repellent, protective mesh apparel and to be armed […]
O10-Appeasement Procedure requires test subjects of a highly religious background and practices to be utilised as CSD Personnel for testing.
test subjects
and is to be explained as perceiving the test as a 'meditative and spiritual exercise to expel burdened guilt'.
and should be led to believe the test as a 'meditative and spiritual exercise to expel burdened guilt'.
until anomalous effects have ceased.
Missing spacing between paragraphs.
and lacking any discernible branding names or manufacturer name or numbers.
[…] discernible details that indicate branding or manufacturers.
RPC-XXX will then triggered
trigger
that for most cases
that, for most cases,
After an Event has taken place, and the appropriate "Appeasement Procedure" requirements had not been met during testing, RPC-XXX will teleport from its current location and replace the nearest toilet installation within its radius.
Rephrased:
“If the appropriate “Appeasement Procedure” requirements had not been met during testing, RPC-XXX will relocate and replace the nearest toilet installation upon conclusion of an Event.”
While a variety of different Events have occurred through witness reports and CSD testing, it is not yet known if the full capabilities of RPC-XXX have been reached, and testing is still ongoing to determine if any mover Events will occur as well as their severity.
[…] Events have occurred as detailed in […]
[…] if any more Events will occur and their respective severity.
Missing space in between paragraphs
(prior to RPC Authority custody of RPC-XXX)
“RPC” can be omitted from “Authority”
Use footnotes
RPC-XXX will fill the bowl up with a mixture of water and blood, tested to be human blood.
tested confirmed to be
The water will steadily rise until bowl is over flowing.
the bowl
overflowing
Animals observed emerging from RPC
RPC-XXX
even if subjects has stood away from RPC-XXX
Inconsistent form for “subjects”, since you previously used “subject”
“even if subject move away from RPC-XXX”
The time between event beginning and end varies.
Rephrased:
“The duration of Events varies.”
will go out almost instantaneously.
Do you mean simultaneously?
feeling as "if she were in a void"
as if “she
and reported distance 'echoing' sounds and an odd sensation of 'weightlessness.
distant
‘weightlessness’
Subjects seated on RPC-XXX will instantly begin to contract sores, rashes and boils, mostly around the areas exposed to RPC-XXX's bowl
Subject (Inconsistent form for “subjects”, since you previously used “subject”)
will instantly exhibit
an internally ruptured bowels and lower intestinal tract
an internally ruptured the
bowel
causing major structual damage
structural
without any of the material seeming to effect their digestion intake
affect
take considerable longer to consume
considerably longer time
Event usually to end after 5 to 20 minutes
to ends
RPC-XXX at first seems to produce no physical anomalies, though will heavily increase the probability of any and all food the subject will attempt to eat subsequent to using RPC-XXX.
increase the probability of any and all attempts at consuming food results in subject’s need to use RPC-XXX.
(What if the Authority just make them use a normal toilet though?)
the subject will still be effected by this Event
affected
citing Event-XXX-07
Who is citing?
and food will begin to decompose rapidly with the subject's touch.
will begin beginning to
At first, Event-XXX-08 will seem to being in the same manner of an XXX-03 Event
will seems to behave in a similar manner to an […]
around subject utilising RPC-XXX
around the subject
Omit “utilising RPC-XXX”
until subject has reported to only see about a metre in front of them, as the air drops in temperature and subject will feel a sensation of 'weightlessness'.
until subject reports only able to see […]
decrease in
[…] subject feels the sensation […]
[http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/rpc-124 [REDACTED]]
[[[[RPC-124|REDACTED]]]]
a member of the subject's immediate family will reported as deceased
will die
Event usually tends to priorities children
prioritize
if children are absence within the familial circle.
absent
It's an anomaly that causes a list of events and nothing more to it. I was really hoping for some context be provided, namely what sins corresponds to what results, which should have been what the “judging” part is leading into, right now it just wasn’t followed up on.
Appeasement really didn’t do anything to incentivize Authority to just constantly put valuable test subjects at risk, if you don’t want it to vanish, just don’t use it, better yet just build a warehouse filled with toilets and it will never be able to escape. (Which is also why it sound more like an Alpha-Yellow anomaly since it sounds like it literally won’t do anything if not sat upon)
Again, it’s a toilet that judges people, you should give reasons why people must be judged, and what they are being judged for, in that way you make the narrative more intriguing.
One more thing: I hope you can add a rare event that just consist of baby wailing coming out of the toilet and nothing else besides maybe blood pooling in. I will leave you to decide what it’d meant, but these kinds of events would work best for the Toilet as a psychological judgment against the people, most likely the more personal, the better it’d be. (In that case maybe even just scrap the repeated events since they really don’t have meaning in relation to the subject.)
/forum/t-14459259/rpc-xxx:throne-of-god#post-
