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Some fascinating, well-worded and well-written sections in the test logs and addendums, but unfortunately the article does not stand up too well outside of these areas. The anomaly is nothing special in my opinion and I wasn't enamoured by the story that I assume was being told here.
3/5, but not bad for a first article
Ok, you have a solid article in your hands and you surely know how to use Clinical tone
But what now?
You certainly have a story going on but it’s not being explored enough. Voices and Magic books have been done over and over again and it’s criminal that you aren’t expanding upon this because despite how mundane and simple the idea is it could lead to so much more. I don’t think articles need to be long but this one could benefit from a bit more information, more insight into what the voices could be, perhaps some symbolism here and there, just anything that can help this story be more than just “read book, something happen, hear voices, they are coming”.
3/5 for now.
Marco Marchi B. Mark
I think you might need to give the article a few more read throughs. No offense and I'm not trying to start an argument, but I was really specific on how the voices were used, and the last interview gives all you need to know on who the voices are. Additionally, there are further clues in the anomaly itself. Thanks for your review though, I appreciate it.
I agree with the two above, Toaster and Mark, that it has good potential. It does its job in pulling one into the concept and leaves it open to expansion wither from yourself or someone else. I'd love to someday see a compilation of a bubch of these short stories, maybe even a full book of them someday (though i know this isnt necessarily feesable).
Theres some format issues with it in the very beginning, but I can help you through that in DMs.
Overall, good first article! I look forward to seeing what you bring in the future!!
Format issues (final collapsible), a few clunky instances of attempted clinical tone ("with no deterioration regarding its external covers"), and the anomaly feels slightly hackneyed in that the requirements for performing the incantations seems unlikely to be realized as offensive weapons in any pragmatic way (who needing to, let's say, set an environment on fire is going to be allowed the ceremony and uninterruption to perform it?), but this article does something great: the pacing. Each section ends very craftfully with a good argument to keep reading, a sort of ongoing series of hooks; the reader in the protocols, the note on damage ending the description, the lone unharmed individual in the discovery, etc. There is a very compelling flow here and it pulled me like an enjoyable river current to the end of the article despite these things. I felt some dread while reading the final interview, which for me is rare.
Thank you, I appreciate the review here. I'm working on my clinical tone, but I'm happier that you enjoyed the pacing.
Hate to say it, but I'm starting to get tired of seeing book RPCs. I've read like over 10 of these up to this point (reading in order from 002), and although a few were pretty good, I wasn't a big fan of the rest.
The premise and execution fails to break any boundaries, its basically just a combination of RPC-053 and RPC-120. The book being made out of human tissue and bone was a bit gross but that's it. If you want to make a book anomaly, I suggest doing anything else other than making it do random shit in the real world, voices, and some thousands years old connections I wouldn't have any reason to care about (nor is it elaborated upon).
Sorry but 1 star.
CSD-00293
Was someone drunk when assigning a number to this CSD?
/forum/t-14459093/rpc-229#post-