Wording and Terminology Crit:
“Upon notification, MST-Echo-621 "Kink-Shamers"”
Should be
“Upon notification of any unauthorized changes, MST-Echo-621 "Kink-Shamers"”
Since from a grammar standpoint you hadn’t clarified that they should be notified of changes (any normal person would have figured it out but it’s more grammatically correct this way.)
“report to the entity's containment cell as soon as possible”
“As soon as possible” isn’t needed here, it’s assumed that it’s ASAP since there’s been an edit to the Authority database
“present at the site, all MST and on-site security personnel”
The phrasing of this implies that every single MST team is deployed if this guy is on-site, which, while a funny mental image, I don’t think was your intention.
“weighing 136.1 kg as of writing.”
Should be “at time of writing”, to remove ambiguity for grammar purposes.
“and are currently undergoing counseling.”
Give them amnestics, they deserve it.
Overall Crit:
It made me laugh a few times, some of those times were uncomfortable laughter, but I take what I can get. I feel like if the joke were to go on much longer it would start to get universally uncomfortable, and it was a good stopping point. This article is super weird and completely embraces it for better or for worse.
This article is gonna be hit or miss with a lot of people. I don’t see this going above 4 stars, honestly. It’s weird, it’s pretty funny, kinda gross, though. Like usual, you don’t have too many wording or terminology errors, but there’s still some grammar issues that should be corrected.
Overall, this article is fairly funny but can be very uncomfortable for certain people. I don’t see it being a major hit but I also don’t think it’ll be a failure. Then again, most -Js are hit or miss with pretty much everyone, so I don’t think this criticism is anything particularly groundbreaking. I wish you luck on your article
As one final note, I feel like I should take a shower after reading this so thoroughly.
