"An "expedition" configuration of the Jupiter-III may forgo various defense systems such as chaff launchers and electronic countermeasures for redundant life support systems and additional radiation shielding"
Replace with:
"An "expedition" configuration of the Jupiter-III may forgo various defense systems such as chaff launchers, electronic countermeasures for redundant life support systems and additional radiation shielding"
"The vessel outperformed many of it's competitors, and while pressure from larger spacecraft manufacturers resulted in the rejection of the Jupiter-class from NATO usage, the GRPC has adopted the Jupiter-Class and financed further upgrades, culminating in the Jupiter-III, of which the GRPC has full manufacturing licenses."
Replace with
The vessel outperformed many of its competitors, and while pressure from larger spacecraft manufacturers resulted in the rejection of the Jupiter-class for NATO usage, the GRPC has adopted the Jupiter-Class and financed further upgrades, culminating in the Jupiter-III, of which the GRPC has full manufacturing licenses.
difficulty of the project, with cost overruns of up to 150% while failing to deliver a serviceable spacecraft by 1992, the initial targets.
Possibly replace with
difficulty of the project with cost overruns of up to 150% while failing to deliver a serviceable spacecraft by 1992 compared to the initial targets.
transporting large cargo owing to the crew's implementation of a structurally unsound hatch, while
Replace with
transporting large cargo owing to the crew's implementation of a structurally unsound hatch. while
The worldbuilding's pretty good in my opinion.
This small size comes at the cost of limited core internal modules, however, restricting its potential jump range and burdening it with heat and power management issues.
To
However, this small size comes at the cost of limited core internal modules, restricting its FTL time due to heat and power management issues.
Reason: Better Sentence Flow & Human FTL ships don't "jump"
Despite it's size, the Jupiter-III possesses highly modular auxiliary systems, allowing it to function at various roles.
To
Despite its size, the Jupiter-III possesses highly modular auxiliary systems, allowing it to function in various roles.
Furthermore, many of the vessels core internal modules
To
Furthermore, many of the vessel core internal modules
with many on-board faults fixable by crew
To
with many onboard faults easily fixable by a crew
The title is largely intended as a legal formality,
To
The title is primarily intended as a legal formality,
outperformed many of it's competitors, and while pressure from larger spacecraft
To
outperformed many of its competitors. While pressure from more prominent spacecraft
the Jupiter-III, of which the GRPC has full manufacturing licenses.
To
the Jupiter-III, which the GRPC has sole ownership of licensing and manufacturing.
before us, I don't know what will
To
before us, I do not know what will
create a low cost, multi-role vessel of medium size
To
create a low-cost, multirole vessel of medium size
with the aim of replacing several disparate NATO spacecraft with a single family of spacecraft.
To
intending to replace several outdated NATO models with a new spacecraft platform.
frame for versatile roles greatly increased
To
frame for versatile roles significantly increased
until 1994 when GRPC engineers acquired the design.
To
until 1994, when GRPC engineers acquired the design.
GRPC's various functions, but a
To
GRPC's various functions but a
For example, the Mueller's possesses spacious living quarters
To
For example, Mueller's possesses spacious living quarters
not possess capacity for redundant
To
not possess the capacity for redundant
designed owing to it's mediocre performance, but progress remains limited to this day.
To
designed due to its mediocre performance, but progress remains slow.
see parts of it's cargo bay
To
see parts of its cargo bay
resupply, observation, and forward operating purposes.
To
resupply, observation, and forward operation outposts.
Highland traces it's roots to a form
To
Highland traces its roots to a form
many of it's systems are
To
many of its systems are
While many of it's parts are
To
While many of its parts are
Notes: There's a lot of lore here, which is nice. Try including more information about what the ships are used for and can do.
Jupiter-3: Mention dog fight capabilities and atmospheric landing abilities.
Muller-Class: Elaborate on its role as a transport ship and its smaller transport pods/inability to land on planets. Military, CSD, Anomalous, and Resource transport should also be mentioned.
Highland: Information about Element X Radios and their FTL communication abilities should be mentioned.
Everything else is spot on, keep up the good work.