FREEDOM: The Worlds We Make
(account deleted) 29 Nov 2021 20:01
Thanks!
FREEDOM: The Worlds We Make
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Summary:
The Children of Nihil and GMOD.
(account deleted) 29 Nov 2021 20:01
Given that RPC-617 has no major or anomalous impact on the real world, nor within a digital medium, and the recent "agreement" prevents its interference of civilian property and risking detection, there are no containment protocols provided or needed, pardon the maintenance of the device provided to RPC-617 and its private internet connection.
A better way to word it is:
Given that RPC-617 has no major or anomalous impact on the real world, nor within a digital medium. Since its recent "agreement" as of 11/08/19 prevents its interference of civilian property and risking detection. Other then the maintenance of the device provided to RPC-617 and its private internet connection, there are no containment protocols provided or needed for RPC-617
Descriptions and stuff
RPC-617 has no detectable presence within the device itself. There are no known methods of blocking RPC-617's access to any device pardon disconnecting that device from the Internet or any form of connection, or destroying the device in question. RPC-617 is effectively invulnerable, provided that the Internet both exists and that there is a computer that can access it along with a copy of Garry's Mod.
I would go with this to make the word read smoother:
RPC-617 has no detectable presence within the device itself. While there are no known methods of blocking RPC-617's access to any device other then disconnecting said device from all forms of network connection, or destroying the device in question. RPC-617 is effectively invulnerable, provided that the Internet both exists and that there is a computer that can access it along with a copy of Garry's Mod.
After analysis revealed that the entity was utilizing the computer purely to access Garry's Mod and join a variety of public servers,
Add this:
After analysis revealed that the entity was utilizing the computer purely to access Garry's Mod and to join a variety of public servers,
Dr. Carpenter suggested that an interview with the entity be conducted, due to concerns that attempts to "remove" the anomaly may result in being unable to contact it again.
Add this:
Dr. Carpenter suggested that an interview with the entity is to be conducted, due to concerns that attempts to "remove" the anomaly may result in being unable to contact said anomaly again.
Overall I feel like this is a interesting idea so-far. I do find the article a bit wholesome for some reason. I feel like you got a good start.
Wording and Terminology Crit”
“6. In exchange for reduced disciplinary action.”
Why does Weaver have disciplinary action against him? For an anomaly messing with his computer while he was doing his job? Is it reduced for future infractions? I think you should get rid of this footnote, expanding it would be filler and it serves no purpose for the greater article.
So usually in this section I put in all the wording mistakes, misspellings, terminology errors, or flow issues here. Slight problem, I can’t really find anything noteworthy here to actually point out except for one thing. I’m actually impressed, this hasn’t happened before and I’m not 100% sure what to do since you messed up my whole critting format. So, I’m just gonna skip to the overall crit.
Overall Crit:
I am in love with this concept. I typically don’t like these wholesome articles but there’s just something about the way the concept is executed that makes me really enjoy it. The idea of this fragment of a deity spending his time playing Gmod sounds like a joke article, but you just make it work. Fantastic stuff.
In terms of grammar, it’s almost perfect with just one teensy bit of strangely out of place fluff. But it’s in the footnotes making it such a minor complaint that it hardly warrants talking about. It is fantastic that you have an article that starts out so good grammar wise, but I hate you for messing up my crit format.
Overall, this is a really good article, I would probably rate this 4 or 5 stars if it got to the mainlist. It’s a very simple article and that’s not a bad thing. Simple works fantastic here, it says what it needs to then ends. No dragging out, no bloat, no filler. Good shit.
As one final note, I wonder how good Pilot would be at TTT.
/forum/t-14354880/freedom:the-worlds-we-make#post-