I couldn't critique this article earlier because the Google Doc was locked for some reason, but since you posted it to mainsite, I'll critique it now so it can be improved for the contest. Anyways, here's my thoughts:
It was very confusing, at least for me, to follow what exactly the anomaly here is: A green gem that can summon 'orphans', which are powerful nature entities? The entitles also want control of the gem, right? The concept doesn't really make that much sense to me. Are they supposed to be like genies or something? I just had a really hard time figuring out how this anomaly is supposed to work.
Likewise, the Recountment section was a bit confusing to me as well. The train is attacked by bandits who are using the gem, presumably because of the Native American man with them. Outside of the fact that the man isn't from the Lakota tribe, this account kind of comes out of nowhere, and the narrative doesn't explore them any further.
I felt that the personal opinion lines by the Agent were out of place in the ConProcs and Description. Yeah it's the Old West, but other New Frontier submissions try to keep those sections more clinical-ish sounding than the addendums. So it just kind of stuck out to me as I was reading yours.
As far as my suggestions for improving the article, maybe say more about the relationship between the gem and the orphans. We're told there's a defect in the gem, but it's kind of glossed over when I think maybe it could be more significant somehow, like it's 'corrupting' the orphans to do evil things or something. Some more details about the mythology behind the object would also be helpful, and interweaving that throughout the rest of the narrative.
For the Recountment, I guess I would suggest fleshing out the bandits some more, give them more details/mystique and personality, so that it's more impactful when they die. We also don't get a lot of back-and-forth between the two Agents, at least dialogue-wise, so maybe try incorporating that into the section. For example, the one line about trying to burn-out the tornado did this pretty well.
Good luck in New Frontier! More community feedback on your article will also be very helpful getting other perspectives.
and some
"and something"
weapon, many
"weapon: many"
cataloging he
"cataloging, they"
Generally pronouns will be neutral unless you want to specify this character was a male.
or something
I mean, I know this is the Old West, and these Authority document writers aren't the most technical, but he should know at least what the flaw in the gem is after the jeweler tells him.
I personally call them Skan’s greedy orphans.
not that that matters.
if the object summons a little orphan from the surrounding area. I personally think it’s one greedy little bastard orphan coming around over and over trying to catch its favorite treat.
Same point as above. I know this guy isn't an expect, but the person editing this article in-universe would not let these lines remain in a technical document.
itself it
"itself, it"
forms including
"forms, including"
whatever they have for arms
"whatever-they-have for arms"
After that the
"After that, the"
Some minutes after I heard that ringing again.
Incomplete sentence
up and turned
"up-and-turned"
on and off
"on-and-off"
hideout butte I
" hideout butte, I"