Crit for you
The effect of GRP-144 was noted in all branches of life presumed to have naturally developed on Cif and is expressed by:
To
GRP-144 was noted in all branches of life, presumed to have naturally developed on Cif, and is expressed by:
entering and/or exiting the atmosphere
To
entering or exiting the atmosphere
The repression of the genes not responsible
To
The repression of the genes is not responsible
consists of engaging in a form of semi-organized
To
consists of engaging in semi-organized
survival advantage, and is performed
To
survival advantage and is performed
developed and are commonly used for the purposes of the ongoing
To
developed and are commonly used for the ongoing
systems is capable of enacting actions most comparable
To
systems can enact actions most comparable
the location of the sun to angle their shots
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the star's location to angle their shots
frequent acidic rains and the
To
frequent acidic rains and, the
was tasked with the study of what
To
was tasked with studying what
codenamed "Taming the Shrew". Not
To
codenamed "Taming the Shrew." Not
human evolution is based on the presence of domestic
To
human evolution is based on domestic
of Earth after all;
To
of Earth, after all,
our antibiotics failing in the near future, were
To
our antibiotics failing shortly, were
The same is true with human
To
The same is valid with human
Mainly, the science of war.
To
Mainly the science of war.
below was extracted from Project Blue Book
To
below were extracted from Project Blue Book
is achieved both by pressurized
To
is achieved by pressurized
in a manner similar to that of torpedo technology to strike at targets.
To
in a manner similar to a torpedo to strike targets.
through their 8 dexterous bio
To
through their eight dexterous bio
talus and calcaneus bones allows
To
talus and calcaneus bones, allows
and Thulium which connects to
To
and Thulium, which connects to
advanced brain allows the members
To
advanced brain allow the members
comprehend languages as well as communicate with
To
comprehend languages and communicate with
electronic devices the nature
To
electronic devices, the nature
Halls filled with records both religious and scientific were uncovered and analyzed
To
Halls filled with religious and scientific records were uncovered and analyzed
resistant writing material. with much of the
To
resistant writing material. With much of the
On the lower levels, 14 instances of ballistic missiles with an expected range of 4'500 km were located.
To
Fourteen instances of ballistic missiles with an expected range of 4'500 km were located on the lower levels.
For a complete report, see: Addendum-7
To
For a complete report, see Addendum-7.
further seems to support this interpretation,
To
further supports this interpretation,
found within the Christian mythology.
To
found in Christian mythology.
suggest them to have been engraved
To
suggest that they have been engraved
appears more religious in nature.
To
appears more religious.
As you have [turned to nothing] the pantheon —
To
As you have, [turned to nothing] the pantheon —
Overall thoughts -
I like it, a good concept. Feels like there's more here to be explored.
I'd give it a 5/5.
I presume public opinion would put it around the 3.9 - 4.3 range.
Note: 1988 is Standard Galactic Time 161741 Hours Minutes XX Seconds XX. Humans also unlock FTL tech in 1990, so consider pushing back the date by four years (35040 hours)
are to see
this doesn't sound right, but I can't quite articulate why
Combat between subspecies has been noted prior but is considered an outlier.
why
With a temperature of 42°C
temperature varies greatly across the Earth, it would likely do so here as well
The landscape of Cif is considerably flat due to the high level of erosion affecting rock formations.
no mountains? not even from tectonic plates colliding? does this planet not experience seismic activity?
recommend adding footnotes to the order names in Addendum 4 which explain what each is
Members of GRP-144-1-δ continuously excrete a pheromone that garners chemical response from all other life affected by GRP-144.
what is the response
Promptly, after percussions relating to ballistic missiles code of conduct were undertaken
precautions, not percussions.
it's, eh, it's alright. I can never get into GRPC stuff. the whole piece stumbles along from idea to idea before ending on something that is, to its credit, not bad. but in the process of getting there it wades through some notes about weaponizing the creatures, descriptions of their biology (which should be in the description methinks) and mutated humans which all sound like they're gonna be the focus for the payload but aren't, so what you have is an article where you can skip about half of it and get the same effect.
here's an idea on how to tie more of the article together: instead of having the artifacts at the end be found in some underground bunker discovered purely by chance, why not have them be creations of the Epsilons?