http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/mandran
The first tab only, the others too are translations in progress don't pay them any mind. My first attempt so please be as subtle as a hydrogen bomb.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/mandran
The first tab only, the others too are translations in progress don't pay them any mind. My first attempt so please be as subtle as a hydrogen bomb.
RPC-XXX has only been observed in it's active state by authoriy agent Danny Holbrook, it is believed that RPC-XXX in it's active state is able to erase or teleporte any who come in contact with it, it's main anomalous proprety in this state seems to be the creation of a reality sinkhole -an area in which ASC levels exponentially lower as one nears it's center- with RPC-XXX as the center.
"RPC-XXX has only been observed in its active state by Authority agent Danny Holbrook. It is believed that in its active state, RPC-XXX is capable of dematerializing or teleporting any individuals that come in contact with it. Its primary anomalous property appears to be the creation of a reality sinkhole — an area in which coherency levels lower exponentially as its center is approached — with RPC-XXX at its exact center."
Strongly suggest you run this article through a basic spell checker. There are a lot of misspelled words.
In it's current inactive state it retains some anomalous propreties:
Any human who comes into contact with RPC-XXX enter a coma that lasts an average 48 hours hereafter refered to as RPC-XXX-1, while comatosed RPC-XXX-1 will expercience hallucinations of a supposed future1 with lasting symptoms of general anxiety disorder and acute paranoia.
"Although it is currently inactive, some of its anomalous properties are retained:"
"Any human that comes in contact with RPC-XXX will immediately fall unconscious, entering a 48-hour long coma. Individuals who suffer this process are termed RPC-XXX-1. Such individuals experience detailed dreams of prophetic quality, with lasting symptoms of general anxiety disorder and acute paranoia."
When a memeber of the Chiroptera, Strigiformes or Crocodilia orders2 come in contact with RPC-XXX hereafter refered to as RPC-XXX-2 it will gain human sapience with the level of intellect varying amongst indiviuals. RPC-XXX-2 instances are to be housed with each other as they have proven none-agressive to each other and authority personnel, their cells must contain 18 pieces of literary entertainment that are to be swapped out once a month.
"Members of the Chiroptera, Strigiformes and Crocodilia orders that come in contact with RPC-XXX are termed RPC-XXX-2. Such entities gain human-like sapience, with degrees of intellect varying between individuals. RPC-XXX-2 instances are non-hostile to each other or Authority personnel, and thus they are contained together. Up to 18 pieces of literary entertainment may be granted and replaced monthly."
Dr. Arnar Baldwinsson: Good morning RPC-XXX-B, I hope you are doing well.
-B -> -2-A
I'm afraid that's against protocole, now can we start the interview?
Protocol
Vey well, I take it you are here to study me, yes I am fascinating creature.
Very well, I take it you are here to study me. Yes, I am indeed a fascinating creature.
Under what circumstances is this interview taking place? If -2-A gained sentience during containment, it follows that it would know and understand the purpose of the Authority.
First question: Were you always intelligent and capable of speech?
What is the purpose of this question?
No I was not, I was born a common beast much like my brotheren.
Brethren
How exactly is -2-A vocalizing? Owls do not possess the respiratory system or complex facial structure that humans use to talk.
The interview could have more care placed in the dialogue. The vocabulary -2-A possesses is unclear and varies from line to line.
+Test Log: XXX-01
Most of the content and formatting of the test is irrelevant to what it means to communicate. I suggest you cut out everything except the long descriptive paragraph by 5905 and appropriate context.
Test request: Attempt to re-activate RPC-XXX
Submitted by: Anonymous note
Why would test submissions be anonymous?
+Test Log: XXX-02
This only repeats information we already understand about the anomaly. This is best cut.
Test request: CSD-5905 mentioned bats, owls and crocodile during it's interview, we should attempt to replicate RPC-XXX's intellect enhancing proproties on the members of the Strigiformes or Crocodilia orders respectively.
Again, this is already referred to in the Description. My suggestion is to either remove that information from the Description and gradually reveal it in the article, or entirely cut this test.
I have found 28 of the anonymous notes in my office in the past month, IF I FIND ONE MORE I WILL [EXPLISITIVE] THE [EXPLISITIVE] WHO KEEPS [EXPLISITIVE] PUTTING THEM ON MY DESK, AND THEN MYSELF AFTER WHICH I WILL DRAG THE [EXPLISITIVE]'S SOUL TO THE PEARLY GATES AND [EXPLISITIVE] THEM UP SAINT PETER'S [EXPLISITIVE]. DO I LEAVE NO ROOM UP FOR [EXPLISITIVE] INTERPRETATION?
This is frankly inappropriate for an official document and certainly not in tone for the Authority. Suggest cutting out entirely.
Why is it not a cause of worry that someone keeps insisting that XXX be reactivated? Could it not be an agent from the future 5905 saw?
This is a somewhat confusing read that needs a lot of tidying up. For starters: the Description implies that XXX was at one point active, then ceased to be, all during Authority surveillance. What exactly is the distinction? How did it come to be known? Why did it become inactive? How did it come to Authority possession? Why is there only one person that knows how it looked beforehand? These are all questions that should be answered or alluded to in the article.
There's also a lot of unnecessary fluff. Most of the second addendum could be cut out in favor of expanding the dream sequence 5905 saw, which is the only bit of new information we get from it.
All in all, this isn't a bad start for a first article, especially considering English isn't your first language. Keep at it!
site 105
should be Site-105
In the event that RPC-XXX re-enters its active state, a 19 m perimeter is to be set-up around it, the source of its reactivation is to be neutralized, if the source cannot be located and/or properly neutralized, RPC-XXX is to be terminated with permission of head researcher Dr. Pierre Hein and the site director of site 105.
You're better off splitting this into two sentences. Something like this:
In the event that RPC-XXX re-enters its active state, a 19 m perimeter is to be set-up around it and the source of its reactivation is to be neutralized. If the source cannot be located and/or properly neutralized, RPC-XXX is to be terminated with permission of head researcher Dr. Hein and the director of Site-105.
Such individuals experience detailed dreams of prophetic quality, with lasting symptoms of general anxiety disorder and acute paranoia.
You bring this up but don't elaborate on it, instead you just move onto the next thing. While this manner of splaying information out in a casual manner has its place, and is an effect I enjoy greatly, I would really like to know more about these dreams.
Some animals -which species this includes is still being tested-
maybe list some of them?
they are contained together. Up to 18 pieces of literary entertainment may be granted and replaced monthly.
something like this should go in the containment protocols.
RPC-XXX was recovered from Borg El Arab, Alexandria Governorate, Egypt after several reports of suspicious activity by locals and evidence leading the Authority to believe a lesser GoI was involved, recovery footage is unavailable due to RPC-XXX's reality sinkhole properties. All non authority personnel had dematerialized by RPC-XXX before it entered its inactive state.
This entire paragraph is really dense, and not in a good way. in a "i have to reread this several times to understand it" way. It would be cool if there was a proper discovery log which explained all of this more thoroughly (and showed RPC-XXX in action), but if you don't want to do that then at least rewrite this. Space everything out a bit. Pacing matters, yaknow?
I'm afraid that's against protocol
I seem to recall the Authority being quite open to calling interviewees by their names, though I couldn't put a source to that.
formely designated RPC-XXX-B
is there any reason they don't just call him RPC-XXX-B-1? the number change strikes me as unnecessary.
The interview with RPC-XXX-2-A goes in and out without saying much of interest. There's a lot you could do with an animal that is granted sapience.
Same goes for the dream described in the first test. And the second one for that matter.
With regards to the third test, I have my doubts that one's intelligence could be narrowed down to an exact age. I know mental age is a thing, and maybe you could use that, but having an actual age doesn't sit right with me.
I cannot take that last note seriously. The repeated anonymous notes are a bit odd and slightly unsettling but that all gets undercut by an attempt at humor that doesn't work.