The Princesses and the Iron Pots
They are rage, brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse.
The Princesses and the Iron Pots
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» The Princesses and the Iron Pots
Summary:
Fairly short article about an iron pot. Take a read!
Instances of RPC-&&& is to be contained in a soundproof safe.
"is" should be -> are
In the event that personnel hears RPC-&&&, they are to immediately be treated with Class A-1 amnestics.
Ideally:
"hears" should be -> hear
"In the event that" is in line with the RPC-Authority tone, but it sounds too wordy for such a small sentence. Consider replacing with -> If
Putting the modifier before the verb in formal writing isn't preferred. Consider rewording the sentence to -> they are to be treated with Class A-1 amnestics immediately.
Another issue is that you aren't mentioning if it's hearing anything at all, or a specific sound that the entity emits.
RPC-&&& designates 7 mummified female cadavers, each encased in bronze pots. No physical abnormality is present within any of the cadavers; however, the bronze pots which contains RPC-&&& appears to possess a self-nullifying property, making it virtually indestructible. RPC-&&& therefore can't be separated from the pots.
Better wording for the first sentence, in my opinion, would be -> The phenomena code RPC-&&& designates 7 mummified female cadavers, each encased in bronze pots.
This may increase wordiness, but removes the intended meaning aspect.
"No physical abnormality is present" should be, but this is just my preference -> No physical abnormalities are present
"the bronze pots which contains RPC-&&& appears" should be -> the bronze pots which contain RPC-&&& appear
"self-nullifying" should have a footnote
"virtually indestructible" what is the word virtually there clarifying?
"RPC-&&& therefore can't be separated from the pots." should be, for better structure -> Therefore, RPC-&&& can't be separated from the pots.
When RPC-&&& is within a 6 m vicinity of a lone human subject for more than 20 minutes, RPC-&&& will start vocalizing through unknown means. The language in which RPC-&&& speaks in will shift according to the language of the subject within its vicinity. Subjects that listen to RPC-&&& will experience an inexplicable feeling of dread, deteriorating their mental health unless properly amnesticized.
"more than 20 minutes" should be -> longer than 20 minutes - as that's the standard way of talking about durations in a formal setting.
"RPC-&&& will start vocalizing through unknown means." some suggestions would be to use the clinical tone to its fullest -> RPC-&&& will start vocalizing, however, the exact process through which this happens is currently unknown.
"The language in which RPC-&&& speaks in" the verb speak already implies talking in a language in this context, so no need to add "in" after it.
"according to the language of the subject within its vicinity." consider the scenarious where the subject can speak at least two languages at a native level.
RPC-&&& initially began as an urban legend among schools within Central Asia and Eastern Europe.
Not sure about the location where you have mentioned the regions, might want to say -> RPC-&&& initially began as an urban legend among shools in Central Asian and Eastern European regions.
In 2012, a local student in ██████ High School, Warsaw recorded what she claimed to be.
RPC-&&& in its bronze pot.
You could specify the instance or just say “RPC-&&&-X”
The phenomena code (Registered Phenomena Code)-&&& designates 7 mummified female corpses,
“The phenomena code” could have been taken out
WWhen RPC-&&& is within 6 m of a lone human subject
When
This excavation lead to the discovery of RPC-&&&.
led to
Addendum &&&.1
I don’t think you clarified enough about this discovery. Specifically, it is ambiguous whether or not all 7 of the pots were found there; the student was described to have heard only one voice.
If all 7 of the pots were found there then it becomes confusing as to why they wouldn’t have been spread out for as far apart from one another as the urban legend itself.
I like a good short article.
The storybook though is a bit off. No meaning was conveyed in it, there was no moral-of-the-day as a children story would’ve, and so it comes off as incomplete/missing a final section of sorts.
The vagueness of the Discovery would be good it was intentional on the lack of elaboration given to the discovery of all the other pots (Assuming they only excavated one pot from the school). However, I think it’d be ideal to make it so that RPC-&&& only ever describes one pot instead of 7. That way you further loosen the connection to the story and also creates intrigue as to the whereabouts of the rest of the 6 pots.
“The phenomena code” could have been taken out
I disagree. Although it's very common in articles to write it that way, Jokezm hasn't distinguished this phenomenon from its physical form and the instances, so it sounds like the phenomenon designates itself when you omit the phenomena code part. This is a suggestion I'll relay to the lore team for physical anomalies.
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