Lost & Found Friend
They are rage, brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse.
Lost & Found Friend
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Summary:
crit please thank
Containment Protocols:
RPC-822 is to be contained in a standard safe on Site-015.
RPC-822 is to be contained in a safe locker at Site-015.*
The usage of RPC-822 requires a formal request to the current leading researcher of RPC-822.
Its usage for testing requires direct approval from the current leading researcher of RPC-822.*
Currently, RPC-822 has garnered the interest of the █████ University
Remove the first "currently." Also, wdym by "garnered interest"? I think there are better ways to put it.
due to rising tension within
I think "tensions" would fit better
this collaboration is expected to end soon.
this partnership*
Description:
RPC-822 is a crudely made cardboard-paper sunglass held together by tape.
RPC-822 is a pair of crudely-made cardboard sunglasses held together by tape.*
plastic-like lens
lenses*
recounting that their perception of time has been delayed by seconds.
recounting their perception of time as appearing delayed by several seconds.* (trying to reword because I don't really get what this means)
An abstract invisible entity
comma after abstract
Looking at RPC-822-1 directly for too long will lead subjects to the symptoms of sleep deprivation.
Prolonged observation of RPC-822-1 will lead subjects to develop symptoms of sleep deprivation.*
RPC-822 are dissipated
have dissipated*
phantasia nor
comma after phantasia
Depending on the entity's personality, RPC-822-1 will develop a close bond with subjects, reminiscing of "simpler times".
I don't get what this is supposed to mean. I guess: Depending on the entity's personality, it may develop a close bond with the subject, with the relationship often being described as nostalgic. (?)
Subjects are unable to distinguish reality from RPC-822-1, some display child-like temper tantrums when separated by RPC-822 regardless of their mental age.
Subjects are unable to distinguish RPC-822-1 from real entities. Some also display child-like temper tantrums when removed of RPC-822, regardless of their mental age.*
At its
don't capitalize after an em dash, also, they should be touching the sentence they split off from, no space
this experience and
comma after "experience"
822-B04
It would make more sense if it was 822-1XX (with X being a random letter like 1DV)
CSD-7364 regularly hugs the entity and calls it "Bubby".
I think you still need to explain if those entities are physically real, but can only be seen by using the glasses, or if they are just in "their minds."
Subject portrays the entity as being fatherly, always being there for him.
Subject depicts the entity as a paternal figure, always there for him.*
Described as a white goblin-like
comma after white
my mother
My mother*
I used to be scared of him but looking at him now
I used to be scared of that story, but looking at him now*
A theory by Dr. Murphy states RPC-822-1 is a projection of the wearer’s abstract thoughts given shape by RPC-822's lens —RPC-822-1 is an envoy to the wearer’s subconscious. According to this theory, RPC-822-1 isn’t a tulpa-like entity like many would assume, but an abstract symbol, concept, prototype, and rule given the form of a familiar image (that being, the imaginary friend). Although RPC-822-1 is an illusion, the tangible good it does to its subject is undeniable.
A theory by Dr. Murphy states that RPC-822-1 is but a projection of the wearer's abstract thoughts given form through RPC-822's lenses—RPC-822-1 is an envoy to the wearer’s subconscious mind. Furthermore, it states that RPC-822-1 is not a tulpa-like entity like first assumed, but an abstract symbol, concept, prototype, and rule given the form of a familiar image (that being the imaginary friend). Although no more than an illusion, the tangible good that RPC-822-1 provides to its subjects is undeniable.
nonconscious mind.
unconscious mind*
Addendum 822.1: About RPC-882-2
You should leave an empty line after the bolded title of the new section
RPC-822 is a concrete entity
missed the -2
RPC-822-1 will manifest
I think you meant -2
Unlike most of the other test subjects, I can't get anything out of RPC-822-1. At least that's I thought until she appeared.
Unlike most subjects, I was unable to manifest a -1 instance of my own. At least, that's what I thought until she appeared.*
I've been wearing this thing for about a week then, content with only seeing the shapeless blob in front of me.
I'd been wearing this thing for about a week then*
was freaked out I thought
comma after freaked
is the face of a crying
was the face*
It’s been a long time since anyone mentioned her name.
What? Is he like, quoting the girl? If so, I would change it to
She told me it'd been a long time since anymore called her by name.*
On her, she held another cardboard glass that looks exactly like RPC-822.
I would remove the "on her" and change to: She held another pair of cardboard glasses, ones that looked exactly the same as RPC-822.*
is written in red ink
was*
I asked her if her name is Curry, she got angry (laughs)
I asked if her was name was Curry, and she got angry (laughs).
Y-Yeah I did ask her about Gwansunga aaand she's as oblivious as I am.
Y-Yeah, I did ask her about Gwansunga, aaand she's as oblivious as I am.*
The only thing she knew is that this Gwansunga is the old friend she's been waiting all these years stuck on that lost and found box.
The only thing she knew is that this "Gwansunga" is an old friend she's been waiting all these years, stuck on that lost-and-found box.*
I asked her how old she was, she told me she thinks she is 9 years old but she wasn't very sure. So, I asked her when she was born instead. 23rd February 1981 (laughs) 1979, she's older than me… Jesus, how long did she wait in that box?
I asked how old she was, and she thinks she's around nine-years-old, but wasn't very sure about it. Instead, I asked her when she was born. 23rd of February, 1981. (laughs) 1979, she's older than me… Jesus, how long did she wait in that box?*
Korean adolescent
If she's 8-11, then she's technically a child
RPC-822-2 is highly xenophobic
comma at the end
to befriend RPC-822-2
to befriend them.
Addendum 822.2: Discovery Log
Since this is meant to be written by a kid, you can ignore my grammar nitpicks in this whole section, if you want to. Also, in some part, the translated text looks a bit too small, so that may cause issues with people trying to read them.
school but dont tell anyone.
don't*
comma after school
No one can see her so
comma after her
see Kare so she
comma after Kare
her and she
comma after her
Addendum 822.3: Interview 822-2.11:
despite receiving warnings from █████ University against it.
I'm still confused at what this University is supposed to be
I don’t want to make excuses it’s
comma after excuses
Am I really that bad miss Kare?
Am I really that bad, Miss Kare?
Oh so expensive!
Oh, so expensive!*
was invited to PoI-822’s home
were invited*
Today in Korea, Kare is seen again and loved once more.
Would work best if it was an end-note by Dr. Cabello
Thoughts:*
Amazing article, loved it to bits and kept me hooked till the end. The english-book section was VERY nicely put together, and the drawings were pretty cute.
I don't really have any complains about the article, maybe having some sort of weekly test routine or something so that 822-2 isn't basically left in a locker forever?
All in all, great job.
It is adviced personnel are to ask staffs at █████ University for permission before meeting RPC-822-2.
Why are they leaving this anomaly in the custody of some random university? is it at the university?
RPC-822's anomalous property caught the interest of the █████ University, currently collaborating with the Department of Psychology. However, due to tensions within the office, this partnership is expected to end soon. Until then, RPC-822 is to remain under Authority custody.
This shouldn't be in the containment procedures. At most, mention that the partnership is likely to collapse and what should be done if it does.
When worn, subjects describe their vision as “dizzyingly disorienting and blurry”, recounting that their perception of time has been delayed by seconds.
"The view through RPC-822 is delayed by several seconds, and subjects wearing the object consistently report feeling disoriented."
An abstract, invisible entity designated RPC-822-1 follows RPC-822. Only with RPC-822 can RPC-822-1 be seen, appearing as an amorphous silhouette of phosphene2 obstructing the subject's vision. Prolonged observation of RPC-822-1 will lead subjects to develop symptoms of sleep deprivation.3
After a few minutes, RPC-822-1 will slowly morph to resemble the subject's childhood imaginary friend. Subjects can not only see RPC-822-1 but also hear, touch, and smell the entity as well. By this time, the visually harmful effects of RPC-822 have dissipated. RPC-822-1 will not transform for subjects that never had an imaginary friend, subjects diagnosed with aphantasia,4 nor children under the age of 11.
"RPC-822-1 is an entity only visible through RPC-822. It initially appears as an amorphous silhouette of phosphene, but its appearance will shift after a few minutes to resemble an imaginary friend from the subject's childhood. RPC-822-1 will not transform for subjects that never had an imaginary friend, subjects diagnosed with aphantasia, or children under the age of 11.
Some also display child-like temper tantrums when removed of RPC-822, regardless of their mental age.
"Subjects feel in aversion to removing the object, and attempts at coercion have resulted in outbursts inconsistent with their prior mental state."
Subjects display a feeling of content after this experience, and will forget all about RPC-822-1 unless they've recorded their interaction down.
"Subjects are unable to remember RPC-822-1 after it has demanifested, but they consistently report feelings of contentment."
I would move the section on 822-2 up with the rest of the description. That's just me though, I can understand why you have it where it is.
Jesus, how long did she wait in that box?
I'd cut this line. It's better to leave this stuff implicit in my opinion.
Addendum 822.4: Interview 822-2.11
Only a few months after RPC-822-2’s discovery, the identity of PoI-822 (Gwansunga) was found. Dr. Cabello and his team flew to ███, Seoul to meet PoI-822 personally and transact RPC-822 despite receiving warnings from █████ University against it.
you have the interview where Dr. Cabello says they found Gwansunga, but then later you have the document say they found Gwansunga and it's weird. I would put that in its own section before the interview with 822-2, as it's a pretty important piece of information.
It alright. Nothing I haven't seen before, and not my thing, but it goes down smooth and gets what it wants done.
sorry that this is so late.
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
/forum/t-14150054/lost-found-friend#post-