This article is interesting, but I feel it's not developed enough yet. My thought as a reader is did Cid Craigs have any reciprocal feelings for the mermaid? Clearly not if he reported the glass jar to authorities, but then why was the mermaid sending him these constantly? I don't get how this relationship started.
It's bizarre that if Cid Craigs didn't like the mermaid, and he was willing to report the glass jar anomaly, that he didn't also report the death of the other yacht-mates. This article really could use an interview log with Cid and an Authority agent to get to the bottom of this mystery.
As far as the concept, I don't quite get why this anomaly is doing what it's doing. Why is the mermaid sending random sea items through the glass jar to Cid? Why a glass jar of all things instead of like a conch shell or something? Why does she like Cid out of all the crewmates, was she just not hungry anymore?
On some minor notes, would the mermaid really not have any experience eating shellfish considering she lives in the ocean? Seems kind of strange to me. It's suggested she likes Cid because he's attractive, but I'm not really feeling that because we're told nothing about Cid's complexion or anything that would make him more attractive than just some average dude.
There's this strange dynamic in the logs where the mermaid wants to see Cid again, but is also saying in the messages that she does not want to scare him again. I kind of see what you're going for, like she's obviously indecisive and torn by this unrequited love, but it's not that coherent at the moment. My suggestion is to just develop these ideas you have in the draft some more. There's an engaging mystery at the center of this narrative, but it's just not brought out yet in the current draft.
Site-18
"Site-018"
popped bubbles
In this point of the article my first thought is that it seems strange to make a transcript of popped bubbles unless these bubbles have sounds when they're popped. In that case, they should be designated as RPC-XXX-02/B instances.
featureless
Well the glass jar lid I see in the picture isn't exactly featureless, it's has a screw pattern for people to open it.
Chemical analysis of RPC-XXX has detected varying amounts of sodium, platelets, and cortisol, as well as several currently unidentified substances.
Is this examining the water/jar/lid or all three? I know there's some strange anomaly going on here, but it seems only the water is the actual anomalous element. In this case, I would just specify that no anomalous attributes were found in the other parts.
dialed 911 on account of a glass jar with anomalous properties
Did he open the jar and then call 911? I think I'd like some more details about this. It would be strange if some guy called the cops over a glass jar washing on the shore.
If he actually doing it because of litter reporting or whatever, maybe change this to like a park assistant or something.
drifted onto shore
"drifted onto the shore"
What do you mean it drifted onto the shore? Was it like randomly at sea and then the tides pushed it onto the beach?
an underwater reality
Uh more description would be helpful here. Is this like an underwater city or something, or is there like a Pacific-Rim style dimensional rift they see?
The three civilians still remain unmoving.
They didn't get tossed around when the ship crashed?
It carries Craigs in its arm and begins ascending upwards, quickly disappearing.
So the mermaid creature cracks the ground of the seafloor, but then swims upwards?
The video footage continues for several days
This is a pretty powerful camera.