Sandbox Link: [ DATA EXPUNGED ]
Good Day Everyone,
This idea initially came from research I conducted for my college thesis. I wanted to make an RPC article that covered the fascinating time period of the Medieval Papacy. So when I came across the story of Pope Formosus, I knew I had to write about him.
Thank you reviewers for critiquing!
RPC-XXXX displays only an average amount of decomposition
Average -> mild?
In rare instances, RPC-XXXX is capable of displaying a secondary anomalous power, which is the ability to reanimate itself back to life.
"In rare circumstances, RPC-XXXX is capable of spontaneously reanimating"
In this resurrected state, RPC-XXXX has the ability of fine motor movement and verbal communication despite its withered physical condition.
"In this resurrected state, RPC-XXXX is capable of fine motor movement and verbal communication, irrespective of its physical condition."
RPC-XXXX will return to its throne and stay dormant.
"return to its throne" implies that it stands up or otherwise leaves it when animate, which isn't said prior to this point. Is this correct? If so - please add a sentence to that effect earlier on
The body seated upon a replica of our holy Apostle's chair was not out of reverence but mockery, like the crown of thorns around the head of Christ.
I'm not religious myself, but while I like this description I'm not sure about its theological aspects. As far as I know, ascribing messianic (thus deific) aspects to a mortal man could be seen as blasphemy.
"Formosos, why did you covet the throne of the universal church. […]"
"[…] This way nobody shall ever know the name of Formosos again."
Formosus? Or is this an intentional mispronounciation?
damnatio memoriae14
Suggest defining the practice rather than its literal translation
Clever you are to try me after death, you failed to realize that God is able to resurrect even from the dead
Add "yet" before "you failed"
"resurrect even from the dead" is kind of awkward since resurrection is always from the dead. Maybe change that for "yet you failed to realize that God is able to instill life even among the dead"
I'm curious as to what effects Formosus's appearance could have caused among the faifthful. Christ reborn is depicted as mighty as he was before death, so seeing an animated rotten corpse could inspire doubt — maybe some think this is the work of Satan, or wonder if Christ was just as horrifying when he was reborn?
I'm also puzzled by the mention of the Necromancer — by all means, his work should seem occult and malevolent by everyone that knew of his actions, but no one seems to take his existence into account.
Looking at the crowd assembled, the holy father issued his final statement before
Incomplete sentence?
I think it's weird how the article implies that the events that surrounded Formosus's corpse fell to obscurity. The straight-up murder of a Pope and condemnation of another seem like things that would make the Christian world shake for decades at the very least — maybe this could be explained by the Church actively obscuring the event? Perhaps out of embarrassment for the sins of both Popes?
Suggest you add a "return to top" button to the Liber Episcopalis collapsible, and same goes for the AEP format. You can do it like so:
a papal bull mandating the establishment of the Papal Auctoritas Imperatus
I'm fairly sure it's Impertus, without the "a" between r and t. Then again, everyone seems to spell it differently.
although that individual stated that AS-XXXX "felt ancient" despite its appearance.
Not sure about "AS-XXXX". RPC-427 just says "the Anomalia" or its numeral designation.
When asked to elaborate on their statement, the subject replied that they had felt RPC-XXXX's "life force" through its bones, and felt "his love for the Bulgars." At no point was either subject informed about RPC-XXXXs age or history as a Catholic missionary in Bulgaria.
I didn't know the Auctoritas was aware of Registered Phenomena Codes!
During the Arcane Schism, Assault and Reconnaissance Teams seized control over a former Authority site located at St. Peter's Basilica, designated as Outpost-001: "The Vault".
This excerpt exhibits terminology that is obviously derived from the Authority, which doesn't make all that much sense given that AEP is descended from the Auctoritas and the Ecclesiastica before them. This stands for the table formatting at the top of the file as well: I'm not sure of the lore background, but it appears to be derivated from the Paris Format of the Authority, unless both it and the AEP's come from a late Auctoritas format.
Another comment: the title of "Olympus" is a little perplexing for a Catholic organziation, given that it belongs to Greek mythology.
Some contextualization as to why AEP files are available to the Authority would be nice.
SPECIFIC QUESTIONS:
GENERAL QUESTIONS:
RPC-XXXX is currently believed to be in the possession of the Association for Ecclesiastical Primacy
I think you should specify that the first paragraphs are the set of containments SHOULD the Authority get a hold of him, otherwise it feels like two contradictory statements.
RPC-XXXX which were created during the Papal Auctoritas Imperatus era
I think you can safely drop the "which were" from the sentence
Catholic Church identified as Pope Formosus.
would add a comma before "identified"
RPC-XXXX displays only an average amount of decomposition, forensically similar to that of a body which has been buried for around 11 months
I guess it would correct here to mention the possibility of Incorruptibility
"the Chair of St. Peter".
Period goes inside the quotes here
It is at this point an unknown
that an unknown*
Formosus was unanimously elected by its cardinals and citizens.
Don't you mean "his"?
was nowhere to be found. but partially
replace period with comma
a short letter,
I would change the comma for a colon
Wow, this section was fucking incredible. It was immensely captivating and fun to read, good job man
from these threats.,
accidental period
Pray for me not, Cardinal, I know
I would replace the second comma with a period
Holy shit, this was amazing. It is one of the best articles I've read in the entire site and THE best christian-related article in the site. You've done an amazing job with this article, and at no point was I able to take my eyes off the screen. Great fucking job my dude
1. The biggest concern I have right now is explaining why Formosus did not just keep coming back to life every time the church went into a schism, like with the Protestant Reformation.
I don't think this was an issue, it was greatly explained in the last collapsible.
2. I'm also concerned the Auctoritas Imperatus document is rather bland. It's purpose is just to talk about the saint miracles, and to rule out everything besides Necromancy being the reason Formosus comes back to life. How do you feel about this section?
I was mildly surprised to not see the common Auctoritas format, but it did what it was supposed to do nicely. If anything, you could turn it into a card or document/study rather than an RPC-like small article.
3. This question may be more relevant to Catholics or Christians, but how is the theology presented? There are some parts that are supposed to be more emotionally changed for people who actually are religious. Was I able to convey this in the writing?
It was fucking amazing, and the last interview really got to me, as did the trial in the first collapsible.
1. Is the article too dense with historical and religious information? Would more footnotes be better or less?
2. How is the pacing? Is the article too long at some points? What sections should be cut down?
3. How well do the AEP documents fit into the story?
1- It's very well-packed, nothing here really felt too dense. Even I, who knows jack shit about history, was able to understand what was going on
2- The pacing is great and it manages to hook from the start. The length of the article is pretty good, too.
3- Pretty much the only time I haven't vomited at the sight of AEP, great job on that. It felt like a nice re-imagining of what they commonly are in various articles
Praise the crit Saint!
Here comes the crittiest of them all. Figured I had to crit this because 1) long article and 2) contest entry.
I don't have a lot to say, Tarb and Alma said a lot already so…
I love it! It does what you expect of it (centralize important go-to information) and that's done with some great style.
5m x 5m
There are no spaces before and after the x.
located at Tuscany, Italy
located "in" Tuscany
In the event RPC-XXXX
In the event that RPC-XXXX
currently believed to
speculated?
asset retrieval become available
asset retrieval becomes possible
I really don't find anything to say. Written with talent.
It was not until 1846 when
It was not until 1846 that
I actually liked this. Consistent with history and actually kept me going 'till the end of it. I think the Auctoritas section could be tweaked just a little be to be made more "edible".
A solid 5/5 for me, great entry!
