Can I tell you a Story?
Can I tell you a Story?
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» Can I tell you a Story?
Summary:
Come on, man, I know you'll wanna hear it!
no.
room.
Preferably I would use "cell" but the room works.
footnote.
Footnotes go after punctuation.
Site-███
Please, for the LOVE OF GOD do not blur out the site. How are we going to contain it when we don't know where it is supposed to be contained.
This was ok.
Testing prerequisites
Put a divider above this.
RPC-XXX biological
RPC-XXX's biological
RPC-XXX infects a single host
RPC-XXX tends to only infect a singular host
will scream, deafening RPC-XXX-2, before ceasing to exhibit signs of life (See Test Log B).
put Auditory hazard.
Everything is fine with me.
I like it! Interesting idea and it kept me reading. Every time I read the tar part it erks me cuz gross. 3/5 as it is (closer to a 4) because you keep mentioning CB but you never really say what it does when it breaches. DM if I am wrong. When everything is fixed 4.8/5. .8 because not much to the CB part.
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
I've fixed all but the last two. My reasons being
1) "RPC-XXX infects a single host" is what is officially documented, shortly thereafter footnotes explain that it's not certain if it can infect more but it just hasn't.
2) The only reason I don't put auditory hazard is because, well, at that point it doesn't matter. When you hear that scream, you are no longer human, you are dead, and a host for RPC-XXX. To say it was an auditory hazard is as if to say "bridge ices before road", when the bridge has collapsed.
Concerning containment breach, I have to admit that this anomaly doesn't present a massive or spreading threat. Dr. Kane is simply meticulous about avoiding the avoidable. When breaking containment, the RPC behaves as described. There's not much to say on it in that regard.
The full story has yet to be told through what future anomalies may be contained.
Either way, thanks for the crit, and I got/am getting all of that stuff fixed up. Thanks!
Edit key:
Green: Added something
Red: Removed something
Orange: Suggesting a change
staff members with the exception of approved testing procedures
Remove "with the exception of approved testing procedure" and replace it with "except during approved testing"
footnotes 1 and 2
Add a comma before the two footnotes, so they are visibly separated. At first sight, I thought it was footnote 12.
Communication to the entity
"Communication to -> with the entity"
included an addendum below
"included an addendum below".
Testing procedures for
"testing procedures for -> with"
will behave and appear as
and appear as
RPC-XXX has not been observed to exist outside of a host body and presumably is not capable of doing so
has not been observed to exist outside of a host body and presumably is not capable of doing so -> is believed uncapable to exist without an host, and is presumed transferrable only by its anomalous properties.
I patiently await the completion of your review, but I have taken all current suggestions and applied changes. Thanks!
I'm back on it, will complete.
I said what I wanted corrected, you may now apply corrections and come back to me (via Wikidot PM) for a second wave.
If you don't want further crit, as I'm the second person to crit, you are now free to get a free slot and publish your draft.
I was expecting a thesis of things I did wrong, but it boosts my confidence to see such a small critique. Thanks!
Changes have been applied, I believe I will post it but if you wish to, you may look over it again and I could alter it. However, I will not require of you more than what is needed, so enjoy your day and thank you again!
/forum/t-14091453/can-i-tell-you-a-story#post-