An old draft
Inspired by my grandparents, who I always feel guilty talking to.
Not because they make me, but because I make myself.
RPC-574 / Discussion
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I really like the idea but I found myself having a hard time becoming invested. The tone isn't clinical which was a huge red flag for me right off the bat, and it never improved. Lots of this feels like it needs more time in the oven. You could also do way more with the idea presented therein, this is really creative and clearly comes from the soul. I would like to rate this higher, but as result of the poor grammar and prose, this is a 2/5, sorry.
I'm not sure what to rate this. There is a huge amount of personal bias in favour of the article on my side — it just plays my strings in the right way — but as of its objective quality… I'm not a fair judge. I think I'll settle for a novote.
Not everything it could have been but it made me feel the desire to call my grandparents so that’s not nothing.
Such is life in the Soviet Union
Short and sweet. Again, the dialogue shines. Acceptable clinical tone IMO, a few spots where it trips over itself, but competent especially for sentimental subject matter.
3/5 overall
3/5 premise. Compulsion effect.
3/5 delivery. The article suffers on containment by straight out saying "this so dangerous"
4/5 grammar. Well written enough.
The payoff was enough to raise to 3 instead of 2. "This will end normalcy if it gets out" is first implied by RPC being involved, and second an amateur grab for attention.
This was… alright? I'm conflicted. On one hand, the tone is very poor and the effect isn't that interesting, but the article at least knew where it was going. For that reason, I did get enough enjoyment out of it, but I still can't overlook all of its flaws. 3/5
(Also, NO hazards? Surely all of the emotional manipulation stuff should count for something, right? And "Beta" seems very low for something which can manifest for pretty much anyone at any time.)
(Edit: 4/5. I don't know what I meant by "I can't overlook all of its flaws")
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