The Communist Cashier

The Communist Cashier

TheGreatTarbolin69 29 Mar 2021 05:39

One of my older drafts in the site, finally updated and finished. Wanted to go with a Series-1 vibe with this one, so its really short (1.5k).

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/thegreattarbolin69-2-0

Idea given by Mr.McMazing back in 2019

Re: The Communist Cashier

BrokenOrdinance 29 Mar 2021 06:12

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. Solid 4-5/5. Short and easy to read.

Re: The Communist Cashier

JasonMakesManhattens 29 Mar 2021 10:53

I liked it up until the Incident report, which is close to working but doesn’t really feel tense since it gets resolved so quickly. I think having a few lore scenes after the initial confrontations where Cameron is shot in the neck, to give the constructs a little more personality because right now it feels like a whole lot of setup for the main anomaly to end up as little more than window dressing for the climax and seemingly posing no threat whatsoever. You could do more with what you have here.

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Such is life in the Soviet Union

Re: The Communist Cashier

Prototype_Toaster 30 Mar 2021 00:41

Bufdget Cups

no personnel is to utilize RPC-712 more than four times

are to use.

all buttons and left-lever found on it

and the left-lever on it are completely functional

scrapped on its bottom surface

scraped

This space designated

designates

He is then to pull the lever.

He is to then pull the lever.

before the light dissipates

dissipated

One (1)

Choose either the numeral or the phrase

This resulted in Junior Researcher Cameron causing mayhem across Site-112

This feels extremely informal. To formalize it, write something along the lines of "This resulted in the following incident being caused by Junior Researcher Cameron that injured several personnel and cost the Authority XXXX$ in damages"

Freebird event

I assume this means something breaking loose, but I think it is worth putting a footnote here for formal purposes.

hurting segments of personnel

injuring multiple personnel

Sadly, after 4 months of life, “Ball” died by what's assumed to be old age

Idk how to feel about this somewhat subjective segment here. While I agree that personnel would be sad about it, formality would probably still apply here. For example, would they say "sadly John Doe died on 4/20/69" in a death report? Also, I would change "old age" to be "natural causes".

The idea was a little confusing from the description alone, but the test log did a great job of making it clear. I disagree with Harmony on the incident log, I thought it was very interesting and kinda reminded me of an 80s horror movie with everything getting binded together. Also reminded me a bit of SCP-002 as well, but in a good way. Reading the incident log really put a good, grotesque idea of what was happening in my head, so overall I found it very interesting.

No complaints here, 5/5

Last edited on 30 Mar 2021 23:18 by Prototype_Toaster Show more

Re: The Communist Cashier

Almarduk 31 Mar 2021 01:01

-[[=]]
REPORT DESCRIPTION:
[[/=]]

broken code

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Other than this: it's a fun idea, the conclusion adds some interesting material, but it's just not my cup of tea. I don't feel particularly interested by any of this — which is my subjective opinion of course —, and I don't think it can really be helped because I have very specific tastes regarding these kinds of articles.

All in all it leaves me wanting to see more being done with this concept of property redistribution, but that's really not what the article is.

Re: The Communist Cashier

Team Haruko 31 Mar 2021 03:54

Very interesting idea how you have a cash register capable of transmuting and fusing objects together. Even more intriguing is how the combination of intelligent creatures can lead to more highly intelligent evolved ones.

Overall. I give this a solid 10 out of 10.