Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
Crit ordered via Discord DM
Containment Protocols
standard humanoid cell guarded
"standard humanoid containment cell guarded"
Also, humanoid cells are mostly for humanoid entities that can walk and act as a human and will tend to seem human even though they are not, hence the word humanoid.
In the instance of RPC-374 becoming damaged, Maintenance Union personnel are to be dispatched to repair RPC-374. They are to clarify to RPC-374 that they are not trying to damage it and are only helping it. If damage is done to RPC-374's body, the Maintenance Union is to repair that damage and repaint RPC-374's damage.
You repeated the same thing but with different wording
Description
few centimeters. RPC-364's limbs as well move
"RPC-374"
expire in the said way.
"expire in the specified way."
This agent is capable of exterminating organisms within approximately 3 minutes after inhalation.
Is there a specific range this can travel?
Discovery
Hm, I'm not sure what it is but I feel this discovery log could be better. I'm not sure how it can be improved so maybe ask around to get some more feedback. I'm not saying to delete it, it has a good background imo but just needs some improving.
Overall
I feel this is a good idea, I enjoyed the premise of it and I give this a 4/5 as it stands. I do however believe this needs more narratively.
Harold K Caztovski
Crit 4 Crit ordered via Discord DM
I have read through the entire thing and there will be no need for a collapsible. Overall, I feel this is a decent article. At first I thought the idea of an interview was kinda odd for this anomaly but after reading it I changed my mind, it seems to add some character to the machine imo. I give this a solid 4/5. Keep it up
Harold K Caztovski
Genuinely creepy, especially with the music track. I liked that the containment was well thought-out. The description felt like it might be just a bit too long but I also just read something with a long description so I could be biased from that. I would consider adding another layer to this one. What’s here right now is good but with a depth twist it could be absolutely indisputably fantastic work.
Such is life in the Soviet Union
RPC-374 is to be contained within its preexisting wooden booth and to be kept within a standard humanoid-sized cell guarded by at least 2 ASF officers inside Site-047.
Would be better worded as, "RPC-374 is self-contained within its own wooden box, of which is to be kept at Site-047 in a standardized humanoid containment cell."
Should an individual be seen using RPC-374 and it finishes its drawing, said individual is to be terminated on sight.
Change "and" to "as." Also, surely there must be a better, less wasteful way than immediate termination.
RPC-374 is an old circus fortune teller animatronic and is suspected to be created by Amazing! Co.
Change to, "Amazing! Co.." The first period is used to denote "Co." as a shortened prefix and the second denotes the end of the sentence.
are written in gold-like lettering
What does "gold-like" mean?
The figure placed within the booth is a female fortune teller by the name of Madam Mystical designated RPC-374.
Judging by the picture the Authority would have no way of telling RPC-374 is supposed to represent a female figure. Its inclusion here is unneeded information that could better be substituted with the material composition of the object, or its face-value appearance.
To my understanding, Amazing Co. is a supernatural company like Doctor Wondertainment. But all of the Amazing Co articles I have seen focus on different types of product. Is there a specific type of item that Amazing Co manufactures? If so, how does this object tie into it?
This will cause RPC-374 to do a "hard reset" and revert back to if the coins were never inserted
No quotations are needed as "hard reset" is a clinical term.
Why is the Discovery in a quote block?
The Discovery is perhaps the worst part of this article, sorry to say. It is entirely non-clinical and feels extremely out of place here with how it is formatted and described. It lacks the professionalism standard of RPC documents. Instead of describing it as a story, brush up on declassified crime scene documents and take notes from those.
The rest of the article falls out. The test is unnecessary and repeats information we had already previously learned in the Description. The Questioning log is brief and tells us nothing new about RPC-374. In its current state it is hard for me to become interested in RPC-374's anomaly and backstory.
2/5, unfortunately, because where this draft succeeds in being unsettling it lacks in taking its premise and further. Good luck with improving it, though!
CONTAINMENT
RPC-374 is self-contained within its own wooden box, which is to be kept at Site-047 in a standardized humanoid containment cell.
(This reads off to me simply because I would imagine that RPC-374 refers to the both the animatronic AND the box/glass/coin slot apparatus since all these parts comprise the anomaly. Unless the animatronic is somehow capable of exiting its booth? It'd be like saying that a turtle is 'self-contained' within its own shell. It's all part of the same entity. I'd remove the part about self containment and reword it to state that RPC-374 is contained within a cell at Site-047. Treat the booth and animatronic as a single unit. That's just me though.)
Motion sensors and cameras are to be placed around RPC-374's cell that can record its sudden movements.
(I think this sounds a tad bit better:) A set of motion-activated cameras are to be placed at several preordained locations within RPC-374's cell in order to keep track of any sudden movements or deviations in RPC-374's behavior.
In the instance of RPC-374 becoming damaged, Maintenance Union personnel are to clarify to RPC-374 that they are not trying to damage it and are only helping it.
(Suggestion:) In the event that RPC-374 suffers physical damage, Maintenance Union personnel are authorized to perform necessary repairs. Prior to performing any repairs, maintenance staff are to candidly inform RPC-374 of their intentions in order to prevent unwarranted retaliation by the entity.
If RPC-374 releases RPC-374-A, personnel in the vicinity are to vacate RPC-374's chamber as soon as possible.
Should RPC-374 release any instance of RPC-374-A, all personnel within the vicinity are to immediately vacate RPC-374's chamber.
DESCRIPTION
RPC-374 is an old circus fortune teller animatronic and is suspected to be created by Amazing! Co.. The words "Madam Mystical! The teller that can seal your fate!" are written in gold lettering on the top front panel.
(Suggestion:) RPC-374 is vintage fortune teller machine presumably produced by Amazing! Co. The words "Madam Mystical! The teller that can seal your fate!" are written in gold lettering on the top front panel.
The booth RPC-374 is placed in measures 2.1 meters in height and 1.3 meters in width. The material RPC-374's booth is composed of consists of oak wood and iron nails. RPC-374's booth is decorated with tassels overhanging the edges of the booth, a white cloth on the top of the booth, and a sign pointing to a coin slot saying "Coins here!".
(suggestion:) RPC-374's stationary booth measures 2.1 meters in height and 1.3 meters in width. The booth is comprised of varnished oak and iron nails. The exterior of the booth is decorated with tassels overhanging its upper edges, along with a white cloth on the top of the booth, and a sign pointing to a coin slot which reads "Coins here!".
RPC-374 is capable of basic communication, primarily questions. It is able to respond to questions in complete sentences and is able to go into depth at times. Although RPC-374 will refrain from normal conversations and only respond to questions.
RPC-374 has displayed sapience and is capable of limited communication. RPC-374 will refrain from holding normal conversations and only respond to questions pertaining to itself. Whether this is simply due to personal choice or an inability to communicate remains to be determined.
RPC-374 is capable of self-locomotion but can only move in small spurts for an unknown reason. RPC-374 has been recorded to move at extreme speeds but had never seemed to move more than a few centimeters. RPC-374's limbs as well move in the same manner.
(This reads kinda' wonky and contradictory. So it can move really fast but only a few centimeters at a time? A CM isn't that much of a distance, you might want to make it less vague. Hard to imagine something moving FAST when it can only budge a few centimeters at a time. Maybe try:) RPC-374 is capable of self-locomotion but can only travel over a short range spanning between 50cm-60cm. Despite this limited rang, RPC-374 is capable of moving quickly. RPC-374's limbs operate in a similar matter.
When a subject inserts 50 cents into the booth, RPC-374 will then begin to become animate and move in a comical manner. After RPC-374 finishes this display, a distorted variant of the generic carnival music plays and RPC-374 will begin to draw cards from a deck of tarot cards.1
(Change the word 'subject' to individual. Sounds better. Also. What exactly do you mean by 'comical' manner? Comedy is subjective and it does not sound too clinical. I'd describe the motions of the animatron. Does it jitter? Twitch? Do a little swaying dance? Give the reader some visuals. Maybe mention that it dances to the rhythm of the music. I think the music is a nice touch! Maybe mention that the music has no anomalous/memetic qualities to it too. It's just regular music.)
If RPC-374 has been tampered with (i.e. dismantling, breaking, tweaking) RPC-374 will then begin to exude an array of organisms and/or liquids such as acid, spiders, insects, any bodily fluids, or noxious gas. These exusions are designated RPC-374-A
(I understand the spiders, acid, and gas. These are potentially fatal to humans depending on context. Great way for RPC-374 to protect itself. But bodily fluids? Blood? This one stands out like a sore thumb. Authority would also want to take samples of bodily fluids to confirm if the DNA matches any known people or specimens. You'd want to mention this if you are going to include body fluids, otherwise remove that part.)
The gaseous agent RPC-374 exudes has similar characteristics to the poison, cyanide. This agent is capable of exterminating organisms within approximately 3 minutes after inhalation within a 4-meter parameter.
(Suggest:) The gaseous agent RPC-374 exudes has similar characteristics to the compounds found in formonitrile, commonly known as cyanide. This highly volatile agent is capable of exterminating organisms within approximately 3 minutes after inhalation within a 4-meter parameter.
TEST LOG 1
(You mention 2 CSD. I would include each CSD's designated number. CSD-12345/CSD-54321 etc etc. CSD all have tracking numbers to document when and where they were used for testing.)
TEST LOG 2
(Again, CSD needs a designated #)
INTERVIEW
(Skimmed it over, is Madam suppose to have a personality or is she cold and robotic due to being an animatronic? I was expecting her to openly display disdain for 'cheapskates' who try to get their fortune told for cheap by putting in 25 cents each. Just my own expectation though, does not deter anything)
Dr. Oswald: An oldie huh. Who made you?
(sp) Dr. Oswald: An oldie, huh? Who made you?
FINAL THOUGHTS
An interesting idea but still needs a little more polish. It leaves too many unanswered questions. For one, how do we know Amazing! Co. made this? Madam does not mention Amazing! Co. during the interview and Amazing! Co.'s logo is not mentioned being imprinted anywhere on the object. Maybe elaborate. This definitely feels like an Amazing! Co. product.
Secondly, you could expand more on the experimentation portion. For example, what happens if someone has their fortune read and it tells them they will die tomorrow by being struck by lightning? Can they do a redo and insert 50 cents again to try and change their fate? Or will the booth spit their coins back out? One per customer?
You also mention that people can grab her tarot cards and place them back into the deck. What happens if someone tries to steal one of the cards and walk off with it? Does the Madam just magically make a replacement card? Or does the machine stop working entirely if just 1 card is misplaced?
I feel the extent of the wish granting is explored as well as it could be. I like the concept of monkey's paw type of wishes where the wish backfires, like the pizza thing. However, the article doesn't explore it as much. Wish granting adds a whole extra layer to this.
All in all, I enjoy this but it has a few kinks to work out.