BC Draft - Artists welcome
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Corrections regarding to grammar, narrative and illustrations are welcome.
BC Draft - Artists welcome
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» BC Draft - Artists welcome
Summary:
Comic featuring
The images are kinda big and I find the beginning banter about fetish episodes in Sentai shows to be very awkwardly long considering how short the segment about establishing objectives and motivations is. Other than that, it's a pretty enjoyable read — wish I could say more about the art.
Hyped to see the finished version!
I agree with alma, 40% of this is discussion about how much a fetish shitshow Totally Spies was. Feels kinda fucked up and not in a good way especially when this is so short. Other than that I like this. Reminds me of this one SCP that could only be told in the form of a webcomic except instead of the art being extremely ugly, flat and soulless, the art here is nice in its "chicken scratch" style. Makes me think of some of the messier panels from Dorohedoro which is a good thing. The dialogue here is good too aside from what was mentioned earlier.
Things I liked:
- Kinda conflicted with the art-style (will go more into detail): But there's at least vision there.
- The Ambition behind this project is outstanding and I hope you are able to make more of these long into the future.
- The cold opening was phenomenal! I really liked the first page and it instantly sunk me into this world.
- The grammar is really tight. Really good work, it makes my job a hell of a lot easier.
Now onto the more critical, Artsy stuff:
Alright, I have some problems. I'm not really good at SPAG using Wikidot, or unless it's Google Doc crit, so it might be harder to express that as I'm not as familiar, but I'll try to get to that and make an earnest effort. But I'm an artsy-fartsy kinda guy, and that's what attracted me to review this article in the first place: Let's start there.
The first problem being that I'm not particularly a fan of the Presentation: I don't like comic Sans to begin with, and the dialog is genuinely unreadable unless you scroll in, which is a fundamental and critical flaw for an idea like this. The centered text kinda looks weird on the last box of the cold open, the lines being spaced out, and everything.
The sketchy art style is another thing, I don't really "dig" it. I know this is a late submission, but it doesn't stylized, it just looks very, very rushed. Some characters don't even have clothes and are just amorphous blob people. Text bubbles do not fit well within 'said style, and sometimes panels are lined up but others dip into around section and it looks weird. The sketchy, scrap paper look kinda looks neat in its own way, but really, it just isn't enough for me. I would've preferred it to have either hard lines and shadows or take a page out of Ascribers book and use line weight better.
Some of the faces just don't look right as well: Popping eyes, weird head shapes: the works!
I get that you were busy; I heavily sympathize with that, but there's also only so much I can give.
That's another thing, sometimes the line weight will be different and it'd kinda bug me. I feel that at the very least there could've been better defining the characters from the background if they could in this very style? But I digress.
Now, onto some SPAG:
The SPAG is really solid honestly. I almost nearly was gonna remove the grammar section entirely until I went back on the second reading. Here's what little morsels I found:
"Oh, why don't you give here a different sentai." I believe it should be senpai (pg 5)
"I just wanted to ask you [to] remind me to search up senpai shows"
Lastly, let's look at my thoughts on the story:
Everything up until the first page is fine. I can't really complain. The black guy first set of the dialog seemed kinda trope-ey to me, but it made for good banter. This section does really make the characters seem close. Idk why it had to be about fan service, or if it serves some subtext, though.
[As a side note, the blaring speaker panel around page 6 looks like a bomb went off in their car and is really confusing.]
The action section just looks like scribbles, if I had to be honest. Though, it was a highlight, didn't seem the best of quality when taking out the guards. It's hard to follow along with the story as well, I only have a vague indication of what's happening past the hentia discussion on the train. By the time they put on the suits, the story is in full swing and I like it, I just wish I could tell who's who, tbh. I just gave up.
That's the last thing you do want if you have no shading or are doing a really stylized comic. Because its easier to tell everyone apart.
Neat enough, but again, it's just… rough. A lot of it reminds me of Cogs and Gears, like down to a lot of the story beats, but I just… didn't like it as much, nor was as enthralled: Which is a shame, since this one has pictures.
Concluding Thoughts.
If I had to be honest, I really wanted to like this. I really did.
An Authority comic sounds kick-ass, and I have nothing but admiration for your earnest attempt at it. But ultimately, I'm kinda disappointed. It's the little things that build up for me, though also some overarching characteristics. I tried not to be as critical as I was — yet if it's a tale and is being posted this late in the game, I feel as if it's the equivalent of an RPC still having non-fully written sections in it.
My biggest regret is that I can't do what I did for Dattop with a piece so abstract and am confined to just leaving this. I wish I could be more of an aid. With something like this, I guess I can only really describe less concrete things and more just how certain sections of the story made me feel if you catch my drift.
I'm debating between two stars or three: Probably three out of good faith. I at least have to respect the attempt and ambition, if nothing else: (I mean, you made 16 pages of drawings. Like, wow.) Do not get me wrong, if you reattempted this and the art was a bit more polished, I'd be there every time. I believe that more polished attempts at this could ultimately work, but if I had to be honest, this isn't a good omen for the site. I know this could be better.
- Qual.
PS. Whatever black tar heroin they got David on must be some high-quality shit. I love how every panel he looks like a sundried tomato. Very nice touch.
PS-PS. Potentially try to number the pages to make conversing and critiquing it easier.
/forum/t-14028398/bc-draft-artists-welcome#post-