suggest you use a TOC thing to return back to top after you finish reading either tab
Unfortunately due to the hyper-aggressive nature of these enemies
Missing comma after unfortunately I thinj
Maybe "due to the unfortunate hyper-aggresiveness"?
Suggest increasing the size of the teletype text in Operation Chrocain. 110-120% is usually enough to make for an easier read.
The vials are labeled: First, one says Schattenblut, looks like oil but mixed with air.
pffft, the camp is real
Are they — [STATIC] each other?
No furry porn.
So far, really campy, fun stuff. Tab 1 does an awesome deal of worldbuilding, and I'm already loving GD-WAR. Waiting to see Tab 2.
MOD tab, here we go
The RSS personnel assigned to the mission have been stationed at the tunnels entrance
tunnel's
Footnote 16 may be better phrased as "Referring to ACI officers". Same effect, less wordy, leaves more to the imagination.
Standard procedure, come on you should know this.
"Standard procedure. Come on, you should know this."
Let me see [SLIGHT RUSTLING CAN BE HEARD] He was one of ours.
Suggest bolding the bracket text.
Looks like its got scales as well
it's
Whose there!
Maybe "who's"? Not sure.
UNKNOWN VOICE: I'm sorry, I'm just so hungry…I ate him.
Some more queues as to his mental state would be neat. Maybe he gags at the sight of the human meat he's eating, or his voice reveals distress… Something among those lines.
Yesss, I'm so hungry again. I'm sorry I have to eat.
This line's delivered kinda plainly. Suggest adding exclamation/allcaps to better convey how desperately hungry he is — assuming it's not some sorta facade. This applies for his other lines as well.
Yes it hurts, we had to eat. We ate the other wolves and the God arms. The meat was old and hard: unreal. Each bite made my mouth burn and my blood boil. I could feel nothing but the need to eat. Please, let me eat you.
This reads more like exposition than something someone would actually say. Suggest cutting down the descriptions a little.
The new blood took away the pain. I'm so cold and the old blood hurts.
STOP WITH THE BLOODBORNE PLAGIARISM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
The contrast between WW2 camp and post-war horror is great. Very creepy, very, very cool, and it sold me on GARD as something that can work. Great job.
“What if Werwolf was actually werewolves?” feels like an idea that shouldn’t work, but it does. The final log reminded me of reading about American soldiers in the Vietnam war clearing out underground tunnel systems of enemy combatants, in a good way. I liked that every character was named and had distinct personality. Captain Phillips in particular had a very strong voice and the relationships between all the soldiers felt genuine. Enjoyed this one a lot. I feel like there were a couple places that the dialogue felt kind of stiff but it never really took me out of the experience of reading.
Such is life in the Soviet Union
The policy stated that any anomaly utilized by an enemy force or *that (?)challenged the sovereignty of humanity was marked for termination post-study.
fever-like symptoms
A fever. Add other symptoms like SHARP chest pain from the pulmonary embolisms, maybe respiratory acidosis as well if those strike your fancy
Jesus, there has to be 40 no 50 bodies
To?
Set up that they have a cage at the ready in the forward cause it comes out of nowhere
It would be nice to get more info description afterward about the 30meter long arms because I'm not too sure what it's getting at there, or if that is Phillips or the god arms (and if so what that means)