I gave you my schtick in DMs. Mostly it was just grammar errors or sentences that didn't make any sense. Remember, write out a number if it's under 10, and if you're gonna skip connector words, use commas in their place. But the story was fine.
As for what I liked, I like its simplicity: It tells us a story and it tells it well. Your writing style reminds me of Phillip K Dick (you should read his books sometime); if not, less defined. Like, almost a replica of his style. It reminded me of the first time delving into Man in the High Castle.
I can't say that the tale made me feel anything potent. I felt sympathy for him, but I wasn't, like, horrified by the concept of him being alive when he should be dead. Intrigued is the best word I feel: The same thing I felt when reading Sean's adventure, just less so, I would say.
The ending didn't feel rushed. I think that question was more relevant to the early parts of the draft. But it was an okay ending. With tales, you just gotta get in, say what you have to say, and get out. Too many tales try to follow up on a character profile and fail to make them interesting in practice easily, but this one didn't and I'm happy.
It could've been shorter, but the added length didn't hurt. (I personally didn't think the original length was a problem no how.) 4/5 or a 5/5. Probably the latter since it excels site standards. Good job
