Made in collaboration with the mastermind known as lack_of_lepers, soon to hit a Mainlist near you!
Minimal Grammar and Stuff:
For instance, these diseases have thus far been designated by the names of the patients affected by it
them
and worse outcomes given that service
“of the given service” or “by that service”
Site-008-Biology-Report.sbx
I get what you are trying to do but in reality they are just dead links. Seeing that you actually put in an url in it I will assume this was done for a sense of realism. Instead, I suggest that you turn them into anchor links to the section below. It doesn’t do anything either but at least it doesn’t sent you to a different page
Worm-like, especially of a parasitic nature.
Worm-like infection (?)
I/CHs occur in a staggering variety of manifestations.The
Missing spacing
Those in the line of duty who anticipate possible exposure to I/CHs should take all memetic innoculants and vaccines several days prior to mission start.
inoculants
Regarding I/CHs, a specific item that comes to mind would be RPC-925 which give personnel mental-resistance to such anomalies. I would like to see them be addressed at least once as either a way of prevention or treatment
Class-1A Amnestic
Class A-1 Amnestic
The specific term also brings into question if Heimerzitosis specifically targets Class A-1 Amnestics or Class As in general(Since the subtypes only refer to their dosages)
It will continue to consume the subjects brain matter
subjects’ or subject’s
even after it dies
they
vegetative state33,
Viderinosis35.
I suggest that you put the footnotes after the punctuation marks like you do with everything else.
simultaneous collapse of the nervous system in it's entirety
its
a 80 mEq bolus of potassium chloride
an
There will be it for this one. Incredibly clinical. An unfortunate downside comes with the fact that my smooth brain can barely understand what was said at a few points. If anything it does it did made me feel like an CSD coming across this document and having no clue what was being said lol.
All these are great and have been made. We toned down the intensity of the tone where we could; like in the memos where it didn't need to be that excessive. Will continue to soften it some. Thanks!
As I have already stated in DMS, the article is fine, my only complaint is that the first disease isn't too-too interesting, and I feel as if the beginning memos were a bit too hard to read. Otherwise, sent you a google doc full of grammatical errors in DMS. By the time you get to the lunar disease, the article becomes a 4.2 article easily.
We have really eased up on the beginning memos and will hopefully will do that some more before we are done. That is a really good point. I got the google doc and believe everything you addressed is fixed. The LCS is so common and fundamental in-universe, we will have a hard time breaking up with it tbh, but we will try to see what we can spice up about it. If not then, we'll just bite the bullet and know you are accurate on that.
Thanks for looking at this!
I have no detailed crit but I want you to know that this is super cool and you should feel good for making it.
Thanks this was Table’s idea and both our autisms in action.
Emails:
Shouldn't there be something saying who this is being sent to?
I feel like there is maybe too much of an empty space at the start of each email
our Site made
unless its something like "Site-XXX" its not capitalized
I also think "has made" sounds better
Low Coherency Syndrome
Intensive amnestic therapy may be used to treat patients during the Latent Period of the disease.
So does this mean that the only thing causing LCS are the memories of being in a low coherency area? And not any biological/physical effects such areas would have over the brain and body? Sounds kinda weird.
Also, is there any way to preemptively prevent this? Like ACS protection gear and such, or will this ALWAYS happen when anyone enters a low coherency area?
Perilunar Permapsychosis
is a constellation of neurological degenerative effects that are caused by being directly exposed to the upper lunar mantle.
Isn't this already called "Moon Madness" in 099?
Tropical Proboscis Dermatitis
Upon maturation the RPC-███ instances detach and become mobile to find another host and continue their breeding cycle.
How they do that? Do they just burst out from people?
Etiologies: For a full analysis, see document: RPC-███.
I mean, its kinda weird to have this when the mentioned article doesn't even exist
Memetic Infohazardous/Cognitohazardous Colonization
I think footnote 27 fucked up something
Heimerzitosis
the fungus will enter its active stage and attempt to reach the chemicals via chemotaxis before they are naturally absorbed by the body. This is done by infecting the eyeballs of the patient
There would need to be some more explanation as to how it is able to catch 438, the main component of amnestics, as this one enters the body and leaves it by going back to the infoplane.
Cognito Non Sum Disorder
Nothing to say here
Final Review:
This is a relaly goo scientific piece, I really liked it.
My only concern is the fungus bit, and how does that thing manage to affect chemicals that are commonly not in the patients physical dimension, rather its brain as a memotic ground.
Otherwise, good lore.
Thank you for the recommendations, these changes have been made. A few things so you won't think we ignored you: yes the spacing before the "Greetings" in each memo is excessive and a bit distracting on desktop. On mobile though, without those spacings, the layout is gorked. So since most of the userbase approaches the site through mobile, I decided that the awkwardness on the desktop version is less than the awkwardness on the mobile version. (Also things like the table look waaay better on desktop, so it has that going for it).
As for the "RPC-███" in the Tropical Proboscis Dermatitis, this is a placeholder for an article I plan to eventually write.