RPC-458 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-458.

Author Post

0ktober 10 Mar 2021 23:56

Thank you to Almarduk, minutemen does not match any existing user name, 3nigm4tic and PapaSnowy does not match any existing user name for their feedback during drafting.

http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-14017983/flesh-aflame

Thank you to televisionist for creating the prolab format code

Last edited on 11 Mar 2021 04:12 by 0ktober Show more

Almarduk 11 Mar 2021 00:25

Good god, the trimangle looks horrendous haha.

its flesh charring and regenerating in perpetual.

Seems like an unfinished sentence.

+ rant prevention

While I get the appeal of simple "monster articles" and this one is competently written, it feels very bland. The narrative at hand is very simplistic in nature, and while it does add something to the article, it doesn't really go anywhere.

Perhaps this could work in a sort of cinematic format (maybe even as a tale) but the lack of description and emotion that is inherent to the RPC format (the short length of its development) makes this version read like a stylized script: events pass too quickly, they have less impact than they try to, characterization feels plastic. Just not something enjoyable for my tastes. It also seems to me like the article is an excuse to have both CD formats tied into an article.

Furthermore, the ending just feels… Really undeserved. The narrative runs for way too short for the twist to provoke anything: were it a longer article and the reader to really feel the strain this thing is putting on the Authority it would be effective, but as it is it's just really cheap. The monster has feelings too! has been done to death and it's not helped by this article feeling like a retread of known tropes.

I remember Tarbolin had a somewhat similar thing going for a Horoscope Contest article — flaming thing, really hard to contain, has feelings — but it was intertwined with a longer narrative that felt like it'd work way better.

Unsure whether to +2 or +3.

0ktober 11 Mar 2021 00:51

>8k word article bait
never!

Last edited on 11 Mar 2021 00:51 by 0ktober Show more

Almarduk 11 Mar 2021 00:53

*****

JasonMakesManhattens 11 Mar 2021 01:29

This is dopesauce from start to finish, well done

---

Such is life in the Soviet Union

Re: *****

0ktober 11 Mar 2021 04:11

Thank you. Glad you liked it

Fortunae 12 Mar 2021 03:40

Neato. Dialogue in the notices near the bottom was a bit flat - almost robotic at parts, especially with how blase faire it seems they refer to the whole children thing - but the overall monster and just the flavour of how Containment Division was implemented saved it for me.

Last edited on 12 Mar 2021 03:41 by Fortunae Show more

televisionist 24 Mar 2021 01:20

I don't think the dialog was Robotic as Rota said, but it could be a bit flat. The beginning was a bit hard to read and some details did seem to belong in other sections, but overall, I loved it. I gave it a 4 simply because nothing really grabbed me. It only got better throughout the piece. Nice job.

5150wned 01 Aug 2021 15:52

2/5 overall

2/5 premise. Seems like it comes out of a monster manual.
1/5 delivery. It can melt stone faster than the heat can be dissipated? There is no way this can stay in a box longer than a few seconds. It is uncontainable.
3/5 grammar. Structurally acceptable.