RPC-XXX - The Resurrection Key
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/resurrectionkey
Collaboration between Enigma and myself. Research entry for Budget Cuts. Heavily features Viderics and some Research tones.
crit pls
RPC-XXX - The Resurrection Key
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» RPC-XXX - The Resurrection Key
Nice job guys! Cool, weird research story. Anywhere in the crit that could be seen as snark is just me having a little fun and trying to joke, so I hope it comes across that way. I understand that there may very well be hidden reasons for any of these things.
You go *really* into depth about how similar to L- prosectide it is, but not far into what the users really experience under it's effect. Having examples from the awakened 13 would be really nice to see.
RPC-XXX's containment room must be modified biannually to accommodate for corrosive elements.
What must they modify It seems this is different from the every 30 day cryogenic storage change
RPC-xxx-1's containment is not mentioned at all
Lio███████s Laboratories.
a bit weird to block out only half the name
A bit strange having the Prominent nucleobases paragraph above the corpses description, should move it below.
appearing to have a bilateral anatomy
appearing It has bilateral anatomy
The vast majority of the carcass is covered in a thorny, multicolored keratin hide impenetrable to most hand-weapons and firearms.
how do they know that? *thought to be impenetrable
is the specimen male or female? both have mammory glands
Three large vats with press-like mechanisms, where tubes from the semi-vacuumous space lead into, were situated lining the central corridor of the room.
Three large vats with press-like mechanisms were situated lining the central corridor of the room. Tubes from the semi-vacuumous space lead into these vats.
I don't understand why the room needs to be dedicated as RPC-XXX-1. It does not seem anomalous at all, and is not described very much.
the abstract is centered and the rest of the document is not reeee (centered is uggo)
in particular genus EXPUNGED of species EXPUNGED
why
our restuls
results
we used a SWGDRUG 3-way test
a what?
Each of the subject has been injected with a standard Videric dose
give the doses
For more information on said background checks, please refer to File-█████████
yes hello I would like file black square
in the interrogation the spaces between lots of the [Speaker] [:]'s and [Words] are inconsistent
A sketchbook, with art similar to other symbols found on the walls of RPC-XXX-1.
I thought those were only on the vats?
the / instead of I's makes it difficult for me to read
if the _— stuff is supposed to be mores code or anything I'm not sure. The internet isnt translating it for me and I'm not gunna spend much time trying to figure it out
Straight off, the art (and the later one) is great.
I would footnote "sublimate" just so that readers are clear on it. It's kinda a border vocab word.
Should "site director" be capitalized? I really don't know.
"If this occurs," and I'd add "without authorization" to that. Otherwise you are running and telling the site-director something they've given you permission for! =P
Your footnotes are doing that odd thing that's happened to me before; where the footnote number is in the hundreds of thousands. No clue why that happens. It has something to do with offsets.
I'm in love with the [[$ $]], but I'm not sure why "further" is in there.
"having bilateral anatomy" should this be "bilateral symmetry"
"is exposed to the elements," I'd consider removing this phrase.
"Mutilated 'mammary' anatomical structures of an indiscernible number can be found lining the exterior stomach of the organism." This is an amazing sentence.
I can piece together what RPC-XXX-2 is from the context, but when I got to it in the description, I had to ask if I had missed something. Maybe make an explicit sentence just noting RPC-XXX-2 is a substance that yadda yadda, probably immediately after its first mention in the description imo. I see that the punch is saved for the actual research paper, but a vague sentence here would accomplish both.
"Good times always blur."
"Far more about him was a mask than the shit on his face, that’s for fuckin’ sure."
"Room fills with silence."
Great lines.
I think the clinical tone is incredibly strong here, in the article and the research tone. You also have a very natural, believable, and effective knack for dialogue. That sort of balance is so nice to see.
I am very excited to see extensions of the lore, such as viderics, being developed and so many creative people converging on some common themes, independently & near simultaneously. I don't believe such overlap is a coincidence, I think in part due to the lore-designers laying some very fertile groundwork.
Articles like this are why I love RPC.
note in progress, very unfinished, will return tomorrow
Finished!
The opening picture reminds me alot of the one done for Prometheus Primogenitus. I'm assuming it's doesn't have anything to do with one another besides the style.
AETs under Dr. Alfred Brennan as well as Prolab personnel handling RPC-XXX have documented irregularities to RPC-XXX's composition since the early 90’s.
There should probably be something along lines of "For reference…" in order to give the reader a sense flow and suspension of disbelief. Otherwise the sentence is just plopped there. You do add a footnote which specifies the archives used, but I think just the little phrase would help it.
Also what did you mean when you stated 'biannually'? A particular time of the year? One after the other? How long of a interval before it needs to be done again?
While the second paragraph of the Containment Protocols can be considered unnecessary I'm glad it's included. The added history gives an understanding so future mistakes won't be made Containment personnel.
Stating how the gases affect materials might be something to add, unless already stated in the Description.
The use of mathematical notation for the word 'further' is strange. The description of the creature as well as the use technical language is quite appealing. I'm unsure if it's intended, but the mention of the redacted Laboratories piqued my curiosity of them along with potential relationships with the Authority. Some readers may feel a similar questioning. This is not inherently bad just something to take not of.
Would the Protection Division attempt to have the keratin shell analyzed and fabricated for personnel use?
…where most meetings of the inner circle of the organized network took place.
This clause implies a higher level of organization than what was implied earlier the Description section. Though it does mention it is only one cell. The words used intially are "local", "anarchist", "marginal power", and "poor suburbs". I understand that there is a want to keep the professional tone within the article, so using another word such as clique, cadre, or even the earlier word cell would be useful.
It seems more likely for this particular group to be obsessed with or even influenced by one or more members with Native Indian background. This brings up more questions about the 7th Life Community at large(if it'seven that big) and how far the Authority has come in research of it.
What the hell is Project Morpheus and Protocol 9?
I greatly enjoyed the "Soup" analysis! The vagueness of the Monroe-Township test certainly pushes the Viderics department and the Research branch in general forward. Same praise for the CCT and Comprehensibility Quotient. Fantastic!
Here, we will explain what kinds of spectrography have been used to achieve our restuls,
You're missing a 't' there. It might be best to use the term "3-stage" instead of "3-way" in Materials and Methods since that can have other meanings.
The sample has been subjected to one Category A and two Category B SWGDRUG tests.
I'm unsure if this sentence is necessary. I would recommend moving the footnote to the first time SWGDRUG is mentioned in the first paragraph of the section. "Each of the subject…" You forgot an 's' on the end of 'subjects'. You should mention the higher CQ in reference to the 13 'Awakened' individuals and not just there might be an increased number of 'Awakened' in the 2nd paragraph of the Results section. I hope the Prosectide was given first as the control.
I don't think the youth would use the word 'underbelly' in reference to the town's blackmarkets unless he has a poetic streak in him. Something about the youth felt off in his manners, or just not personally catching for me. You got me hooked on Jimmy at the mention of "Under water angels". It seems his mind and persona are fracturing. You know for alot burned papers, some of these scraps are much more well put together. The art is very good.
The 'villain' gives off a not exactly desperate(at least at the beginning) fool looking for a way to pass time and lingering grief. Probably some well to do man that tries to mishmash roots into something he can control.
Overall before the Chemical analysis it was 3 teetering onto a 4. The analysis clenched it into being a 4. The documents finding log didn't change much of my opinion on that. Some changes here and there and it can easily be a 5-star. Well done guys!
It was stored in a semi-vacuumous space beneath RPC-XXX-1, accessible only by a small narrow stairwell to a red door, upon which the character for the Greek letter Omega was inscribed in white lettering.
I didn't even realize this sentence was needed. Good catch. The Containment Protocols flow better.
…funneled within the Seventh Life Community’s fourteen-year occupation in Mt. Faith.
A good example of characterizing and clarifying the nature of Seventh Life Community and how it's hold(tenous or otherwise) is viewed from an outsider's perspective on the town.
Each of the subject has been injected
You still forgot the 's' on the end of 'subjects'.
However, there does seem to be 13 Awakened with unusually high CQ in our RPC-XXX-2 case study…
This sentence actually shows the anamoly of the reading while also providing well done sentence structure, instead of what was used before.
an' I've spent too long making sure this little piggy's not getting stuck on a spit when the wolves blow the house in.
I like this. The additional paragraph and the reworked dialect/language of the youth made it flow better than before. I couldn't even pin down what was wrong before! Great job
With the reworks I would say it's a 5 star.
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