The Greatest Show
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/copper-oxide-s-sandbox
Look under the tab "The Greatest Show".
The Greatest Show
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» Writing & Drafts / Archived Drafts
» The Greatest Show
Summary:
Alternative titles are welcomed.
Sahhhh dude! Imma crit!
you should put the animate hazard cuz it isn't alive and it can move.
and imo it should be sentient not sapient because it cannot distinguish genuine clapping and stuff and only look for that sound. Idk I am probably wrong.
RPC-XXX-A/B are to be contained within a reinforced concrete chamber completed with an observation deck secured with ballistic glass.
How big is this chamber?
sent to the RPC-XXX-A/B containment chamber
sent to RPC-XXX-A/B's containment chamber
containment protocol failure negotiation is to be firstly implored.
containment protocol failure, negotiation is to be firstly implored.
developing effective methods of appeasement and incapacitation.
Didn't you say blunt force was effective enough? I would say "developing new ways to appease and incapacitate both instances of RPC-XXX."
red coloring painted
Is there a specific type of paint? Acrylic, oil, etc. Just wanna know
shades of linen
what color?
Currently, it is considered impossible to form a complete archive of their every ability.
Why? Is there too many abilities? Are they rapidly developing abilities?
beginning the regeneration
beginning the regeneration process or regenerative process. Take your pick.
in designated containment chamber
in their designated containment chamber
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fix this (the code is showing in the second drop down and i added the period show it would show in this crit.)
I liked this article! Some things need fixing but overall I would rate this good when it's posted. <3
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
This was a great article, although I can't give much grammatical criticism I can say I had a lot of fun reading through this and going through every detail. I talked to you about the things that bothered me in DMS but besides that, his is really and I mean really a fun article, I hope someone makes the art of this because this is a great concept and honestly I really love the idea of two psycho clowns fighting over each other trying to outperform one another. This especially reminds me of this twitter guy and I think his design might give those reading the article something to look forward to, as I really think it's something that fits the thematic proposed.
https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/VZW23hszCRDuDb5RoQzheDNzN9y8MArc-T8TvbNN_NQ/https/pbs.twimg.com/media/EvDNpFJUUAIYYWc.jpg%3Alarge?width=443&height=573
The plot otherwise was good I don't think it lacked much besides an actual history and I think it was sufficient.
Great read 5/5.
I love it! Only thing I'd change is putting all the hazards as, well, simply hazards instead of doing that "additional hazards" thing which I find unnecessarily. The rest looks fine to me!
/forum/t-14012309/the-greatest-show#post-