1) Format:
Everything looks good on this end. Just make Addendum 2 collapsible. I would also recommend aligning the "EVENTS TRANSPIRED:" on the right.
Furthermore, in the "Incident Report: 580.02" there are meant to be three columns. Since one of them is unused, I would recommend deleting the xxxx or filling it with something.
2) Grammer and Word Choice:
Red Remove (grammatical correction)
Yellow Changed (wording)
Blue Changed (grammer)
RPC-580-1 should then be retrieved via the use of a mechanical arm and placed in an Alpha-Class items locker, until a decision on what to do with RPC-580 is reached.
When an individual picks up RPC-580, RPC-580-1 will immediately manifest.
RPC-580-1 is a humanoid entity of German descent with the appearance of a young male in middle adolescence, measures approximately 1.65 m in height and 52 kg, and is dressed in leather garb and clothing items.
Writing "young male in middle adolescence" is a little extraneous. How about "adolescent male".
When pressed for information about itself, RPC-580-1 claims to not have any knowledge about its creation and identity.It has been unable to provide any useful information regarding the Steel Ring.
RPC-580-1 does not exhibit the need to eat or drink, but is more susceptible to fatigue than the average human. RPC-580-1 displays the normal physical capabilities of a person of its stature.
When RPC-580-1 is killed in any manner, its corpse will immediately demanifest and will manifest alive after physical contact with RPC-580 is made.
"demanifest" is not a real verb.
In some cases, RPC-580-1 will take a period of time before they re-manifest, but it has consistently manifsed less than a week.
RPC-580-1 is cooperative and friendly towards Authority personnel, and expresses optimism whenever offered the opportunity to help. Despite this, however, RPC-580-1 has also been diagnosed with depression, believed to be attributed to its acknowledgement of its condition as a failed product.
RPC-580 was first recovered by the Authority on the 3rd of June, ████
Why is everything except the year censored? Wouldn't it make more sense to censor only the day or both month and the day?
Interview:
Note: If characters speaking grammatically incorrect was intentional, don't change some of my corrections.
Furthermore, in some cases you have it so:
"Sentence" action "same sentence."
But it should be
"Sentence-" action "-same sentence."
Ahh, I am one the Ring's many valuable creations, for you see, I am created
Did you mean "Ring's most valuable creations"?
RPC-580-1: W-wait what? Alright, I get it, let's pull one on the old shield guy.
RPC-580-1: W-what? N-no that can't be, the Steel Ring is one of the largest weapon manufacturers in Europe, they wouldn't just get caught, would they?
RPC-580-1: W-well, I-I have this shield. RPC-580-1 raises their voice. Yes, my shield that has gotten me out of many battles, saved my life countless times, and having saved others from countless dangers.
RPC-580-1: I see, so there are others like myself in this place?
Incident Report
On the 17th of June, 2014, a group of enhanced Malthusian soldiers managed to successfully make their way into Site-007, and proceeded towards the area that RPC-580-1 was being kept at the time.
Reinforcements were called to engage the Malthusians, while personnel was advised to evacuate over the intercom.
Personnel is uncountable. It's kind of like saying "the water were flowing away" instead of "the water was flowing away"
[ Pvt. Sam points at RPC-███, a large isopod-like creature which is currently being engaged by (10) personnel, but is fending itself through its tendrils and proboscis-like appendages. ]
Capt. Erin McKinley: I am appalled at your absolute lack of ability to hear even the most of basic orders to stay behind!
Colonel Molyneux: Not to mention the fact that you're indirectly responsible for one of my men's sustained an injury, you placed his life in severe danger!
Because of this, RPC-580 has been selected due to its anomalous properties and current behaviour, however, admittance into DATA REDACTED has been denied. RPC-580-1 will be admitted to standard ASF security personnel training.
Senior Officer Wallace: Oh? And what happened to your happy-go-lucky persona, what happened to the so-called Shield Hero?
RPC-580-1: Let's face the facts, I'm a goddamn prototype made by the ring, of course, I was gonna be a fucking waste of magic.
you are under the permanent custody of the RPC Authority.
Personally I am not a fan of an interviewer just giving away the authorities name like this. I'd rather the authority just say something along the lines of "that is your designation while you are in custody"
you've missed roughly 124 years of the world.
This sentence feels a little weird to read. I'd correct it as such "you've missed roughly 124 years of history."
raises his voice.
Remove the period as it breaks up the sentence flow and action.
Church of Malthus.
Remove the period here to create consistency as the other boxes do not have periods at the end
was advised to evacuate
were advised to evacuate
summarily ripped apart by
"ripped apart" feels extremely informal. Perhaps dismemberd would be more fitting here.
Security Guard Mike
Typically titles like this have the last name rather than the first. So if his name is Mike Hawk, then he would be Security Guard Hawk rather than Security Guard Mike unless that is his last name which would be very weird.
DATA REDACTED
Add some brackets around this since redactions are typically contained within them.
I thought this was alright. 580-1 was a bit of an interesting character to follow throughout his life in the Authority. The part with the Malthus raid honestly reminded me of those fail compilation videos with it just being different scenes of him getting owned. As for everything else, this is just a standard humanoid article with a few interesting things (such as the malthus raid) happening that keep the readers attention. As such I will settle on giving this a 3.5/5