It's a funny article and I could actually see it becoming a real one.
I think it has a lot of properties that make a good article with test logs - Instead of simply repeating the same properties over and over again it uses the core aspect of it in actual differing circumstances. The simplicity of its property is tied in to the joke of Cornelius being "stronger" than anything else, extending to mental abilities as well.
One thing that I'd say could be redone or at least expanded is the need to be an "alpha". On one hand, it feels sort of stapled on for the sake of there being a super strong alpha guy. On the other, it can be an actual aspect of his personality which if done correctly can make him a deeper character while still doing the joke well. The high point of the character is his simplicity and directness - I don't think he would be insecure about being called a "Beta" because he is afraid he is one, but because he cannot believe the gall of it.
