RPC-789 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-789.

Author Post

Fraud2004 10 Feb 2021 21:00

Thanks to Excer, Almarduk, and TTPY for the crits!
And thanks to the people at the RPC Discord server for the extra help!

Image made by: Dr. Pierson

Crit Post: http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-13989874/rpc-789-rusted-screams#post-4883786

Superspambot 11 Feb 2021 03:03

Bit of critique for this.

CRIT

the use of radios and walkie talkies are only to be used to communicate with RPC-789.

I think a better way of putting this is that "Radio/handheld transceiver communications may be interrupted by RPC-789"

The park was officially closed in 2004 due to a lack of attendance and the high maintenance costs. The park is currently in severe disrepair, the majority of the attractions are broken and/or dilapidated.

I'd make this into one sentence, slightly altering the second sentence so it fits as one sentence. Also, I'd change the closure date to 2001/2002 and mention that it was closed due to the tourism crash post-9/11.

RPC-789 consists of

I'd change this to "The Attraction has…" when listing all of the parts of the Attraction, as it flows better. Also the current wording implies RPC-789 is just the main entrance when that is obviously not the case

as the remains are capable of communication via radio signal.

I'd change this to "as they have seemingly communicated with staff through radio signals.

Authority Protection staff number has increased per request of researchers. Any further movements are required to be immediately reported from now on to both Research and Protection staff.

Protection wouldn't handle ongoing containment of a non-aggressive anomaly, ASF would.

As it is rn, +3. With a couple of fixes I'd probably give this a higher score

Last edited on 11 Feb 2021 03:04 by Superspambot Show more

Fraud2004 11 Feb 2021 03:18

Fix'd

Arbiter_Soul 12 Feb 2021 01:52

Fun read gamer

(account deleted) 07 Oct 2021 15:23

I liked it, the image is cool, but I think you should elaborate on the possible sentience/sapience of the remains. How do we know the signals come from them?

3 stars

(account deleted) 14 Sep 2022 19:04

article a day day 3: RPC-789, by Fraud/Vecter Specter

I've actually given my thoughts on this before- almost a year ago! I might as well give it another read-through. Looking at the history, I also edited it too, so hopefully I didn't miss any grammar issues…

I actually do like the image. I think it's pretty creepy, and the camera overlay isn't too distracting.

The description is also pretty good- the first two paragraphs are fairly banal, which makes the third "wham" a little more, because it's nestled right after mundane things in the same style. Very good use of clinical tone!

With the addenda, I just noticed something- an Authority probe is sent into the attraction, and it's there they receive the FIRST radio signal, WHILE exploring, which raises the question of why the Authority was sending a submarine BEFORE they knew it was anomalous? I don't know if that was an oversight, though. If it's meant to hint that something was up BEFORE the radio signals, then I hate to say it, but it might need to be a bit more obvious, lol.

I think it needs more activity BEFORE they remove the bag to demonstrate this is an anomaly and give the authority reason to dispatch a submarine. Like, the radio signals aren't necessarily anomalous by themselves- nothing from what we read suggests that its the remains themselves sending these, or would suggest that to the authority.

Obviously that goes out the window when the bag is removed and the big eye shows up- which I think is well done. Again, expert use of clinical tone. Very straightforward description of weird stuff.

I've already left a rating of 3 stars on this from a year ago- and I might just leave it there for now. It's good :)

DoubleDenial 03 Oct 2022 23:52

This is an acceptable RPC, but it doesn't quite wet my willy enough for high marks. (If I didn't make that joke now I would've done it later, so just deal with it.)

The article's narrative is okay. I felt that it simply ended too soon for me to really love it, as if it were gearing up to get really good but then abruptly stopped. The eye was a pretty big "WTF" moment, but it felt more like a hook and not a climax. Additionally, as Butter pointed out, the discovery doesn't make any sense. I'm assuming this was either something explained in an earlier draft that got left out, or just a very big oversight.

I point it out in almost every review, so I'll take the opportunity to say that the tone here is pretty good! Only two significant nitpicks: "up top" is a rather informal phrase which could probably be cut from its sentence entirely, and the "what appears to be" in the second description paragraph is superfluous; What else would they be?

I'd probably prefer to give this article 3.5/5 if I had the chance. Alas, I have to stick with only 3/5. It's not a bad or even mediocre piece, and I have no qualms with its presence in the Archive. However, I came here for a swim, not to wade in the shallow end.

(Oh yeah: Extra credit for giving the anomaly a name in-universe and not just sticking that in as the listing title! I appreciated the gesture.)