The Mourning Soldier
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/minutemen:the-mourning-soldier
If anyone has suitable low fidelity image of a hill that I can edit a ghost onto, I would give you many credit and many thanks.
The Mourning Soldier
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» The Mourning Soldier
Summary:
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/minutemen:the-mourning-soldier
RPC-XXX is to be lured around unpopulated areas of Belgium indefinitely, directed via the auditory simulation of WW1-era artillery and gunfire that RPC-XXX will move away from. The path that RPC-XXX takes away from the simulation is unpredictable, but best efforts will be made to direct RPC-XXX away from any populated areas.
RPC-XXX is to be lured around unpopulated areas of Belgium indefinitely, and should be directed via the use of auditory simulation of WW1-era artillery and gunfire that RPC-XXX will attempt to move away from. Although there is no predictability as to what path RPC-XXX will take to avoid the simulation, best efforts must be made to direct RPC-XXX from any populated areas.
RPC-XXX is the apparition of an unknown Canadian male WW1 soldier, located in what used to be the 1916 battlefield of Saint-Eloi, Belgium. Observations of RPC-XXX and interactions with it reveal no direct link to any known enlisted soldier, however there are still potential leads being investigated. The age of the subject is estimated to be 20-25 years old, and displays no indication of aging. The material that composes RPC-XXX is a translucent gray-blue ethereal matter, and manifests in the form of a 1902 pattern service dress, consistent with the uniforms worn by Canadian soldiers in WW1. The lower half of RPC-XXX's body starting from halfway down the thighs sharply fades away to not existing, however the displacement of the mud with each footstep is still visible. RPC-XXX carries a Ross rifle consistent with the armament issued to Canadian WW1 soldiers.
RPC-XXX is an apparition of an unknown Caucasian male, dressed in Canadian WW1 attire, located in what was formerly the 1916 battlefield of Saint-Eloi, Belgium. Observations of RPC-XXX, as well as interactions with it, have been inconclusive in finding any links to known soldiers that served in WW1, however, potential leads are still being investigated. RPC-XXX appears between 20-25, and has not displayed any signs of ageing.
The material that RPC-XXX is composed out of, is a translucent ethereal matter with a grayish blue hue. This manifests in the form of a 1902 pattern service dress, consistent with uniforms that were worn by Canadian soldiers in WW1. Starting from halfway down the thighs, there is no visible part of RPC-XXX's body, although footsteps found in mud suggest that RPC-XXX does possess legs. RPC-XXX carries a Ross rifle consistent with the armament issued to Canadian WW1 soldiers.
RPC-XXX carries RPC-XXX-1, a similar apparition wearing with the same uniform. RPC-XXX-1 shows no signs of consciousness, and manifests with multiple gunshot wounds in the abdomen and neck, additionally having its right hand blown off. It appears that RPC-XXX and RPC-XXX-1 are directly related to each other, judging by their similar facial structures.
RPC-XXX carries RPC-XXX-1, a similar apparition wearing the same uniform. RPC-XXX-1 shows no signs of consciousness, and manifests with multiple gunshot wounds in the abdomen and neck, as well as missing their right hand. It's believed that RPC-XXX and RPC-XXX-1 are related, given their similar facial structures.
The cone of vision that RPC-XXX sees and an additional radius of 6 meters from RPC-XXX's location, hereafter referred to as RPC-XXX-C, is affected by a temporal and geological hazard. The topology of the location RPC-XXX-C rests is drastically temporally transformed 105 years in the past, returning to contemporary topology once this cone of influence is directed elsewhere. As such, everywhere RPC-XXX looks it perceives itself as being in The Battle of St. Eloi Craters. RPC-XXX-C is constantly bombarded by shells, indiscriminate gunfire from all directions, and the sounds of planes flying overhead. The landscape of RPC-XXX-C is muddy, infertile, and abused, consistently appearing as "no man's land." Subjects who are within RPC-XXX-C do not have their own physical structure affected by the temporal anomaly, but are nevertheless extremely vulnerable to the constant bombardment. In contrast, neither RPC-XXX nor RPC-XXX-1 sustain damage to any of the gunfire or artillery.
You need someone to take a look at this paragraph, but also split it up, because I am having a bit of trouble understanding some of it.
RPC-XXX appears to be in a consistent emotional state of mourning for RPC-XXX-1's condition.
As of to date, RPC-XXX is in a consistent emotional state of mourning for RPC-XXX-1's condition.
The apparition is wholly ignorant of the passage of time and that it is affected by this anomaly, and truly believes it is a soldier in WW1, despite currently being in a quiet plain of grass 105 years after the war. RPC-XXX trudges indefinitely and in seemingly random directions, attempting to abandon the war and bring RPC-XXX-1 with him. There is no linear distance that RPC-XXX has walked in which the war-torn landscape it perceives ends, or even begins to end. As such, RPC-XXX is indefinitely stuck with no clear indication that it will meet its desired location. Despite this, RPC-XXX continues to trudge.
RPC-XXX does not react to the passage of time, but has consistently displayed the belief that it's a soldier during WW1, despite 105 years having passed since the war. RPC-XXX trudges indefinitely and does so in seemingly random directions, attempting to abandon the war and bring RPC-XXX with them. There is currently no linear distance that RPC-XXX has walked in which the landscape it perceives ends, or even begins to end. As a result, RPC-XXX is indefinitely stuck with no clear indication that it will meet its desired location. Despite this, RPC-XXX continues to trudge.
CSD-12842, selected for serving in the ███████ War of ████,
CSD-12842 (Selected for serving in the ███████ War of ████.)
For the interview log, you'd probably want someone else to take a look at that as I myself also have problems writing convincing and accurate dialogue, but I thought it was alright.
As for the article, I think it could use a bit more such as more background, more interview logs with RPC-XXX, but that's about it for me to make it a 5. Good article.
RPC-XXX is to be lured around unpopulated areas of Belgium indefinitely, directed via the auditory simulation of WW1-era artillery and gunfire that RPC-XXX will move away from.
This can't be an effective method when the sounds of war just follow him anyway.
RPC-XXX is the apparition of an unknown Canadian male WW1 soldier, located in what used to be the 1916 battlefield of Saint-Eloi, Belgium.
"RPC-XXX is the incorporeal manifestation of an unidentified male wearing clothes distinctive of Canadian forces during the first World War."
"what used to be" implies that Saint-Eloi no longer exists, which isn't the case. Just say he appears around the village of St Eloi.
The age of the subject is estimated to be 20-25 years old, and displays no indication of aging.
"The age of the subject has remained consistent through all manifestations, and is estimated to be around 20-25 years old."
The material that composes RPC-XXX is a translucent gray-blue ethereal matter, and manifests in the form of a 1902 pattern service dress, consistent with the uniforms worn by Canadian soldiers in WW1.
What do you mean by "ethereal"?
Remove the underlined section and merge this sentence with the one immediately following it.
RPC-XXX carries a Ross rifle consistent with the armament issued to Canadian WW1 soldiers.
merge this with the beginning of the description
RPC-XXX carries RPC-XXX-1, a similar apparition wearing with the same uniform. RPC-XXX-1 shows no signs of consciousness, and manifests with multiple gunshot wounds in the abdomen and neck, additionally having its right hand blown off. It appears that RPC-XXX and RPC-XXX-1 are directly related to each other, judging by their similar facial structures.
"RPC-XXX carries RPC-XXX-1 over its shoulder; a similar apparition in the same uniform that appears to be unconscious. Its right hand has been blown off, and it shows numerous gunshot wounds across the abdomen and neck. Judging by the similarity in facial structure, RPC-XXX and RPC-XXX-1 are close relatives."
The cone of vision that RPC-XXX sees and an additional radius of 6 meters from RPC-XXX's location, hereafter referred to as RPC-XXX-C, is affected by a temporal and geological hazard. The topology of the location RPC-XXX-C rests is drastically temporally transformed 105 years in the past,1 returning to contemporary topology once this cone of influence is directed elsewhere. As such, everywhere RPC-XXX looks it perceives itself as being in The Battle of St. Eloi Craters.
"RPC-XXX's cone of vision as well as a 6-meter radius around it, hereby referred to as RPC-XXX-C, are affected by a temporal and geological anomaly; the topology of areas affected by RPC-XXX-C appears to temporally regress approximately 105 years, and return to normal once outside of the anomaly. As such, any location RPC-XXX perceives is consistent with the battle of St. Eloi Craters."
RPC-XXX-C is constantly bombarded by shells, indiscriminate gunfire from all directions, and the sounds of planes flying overhead.
"RPC-XXX-C manifests artillery shells, gunfire from all directions, and sounds of planes flying overhead that cease to be present outside of it."
The apparition is wholly ignorant of the passage of time and that it is affected by this anomaly, and truly believes it is a soldier in WW1, despite currently being in a quiet plain of grass 105 years after the war. RPC-XXX trudges indefinitely and in seemingly random directions, attempting to abandon the war and bring RPC-XXX-1 with him. There is no linear distance that RPC-XXX has walked in which the war-torn landscape it perceives ends, or even begins to end. As such, RPC-XXX is indefinitely stuck with no clear indication that it will meet its desired location. Despite this, RPC-XXX continues to trudge.
"The anomaly is wholly ignorant of the passage of time and its own properties, believing it is still fighting in the aforementioned battle. RPC-XXX continuously trudges in varying directions with the intent of abandoning the battle and bringing RPC-XXX-1 with it. However, the battlefield extends indefinitely in all directions, and RPC-XXX is indefinitely stuck with no indication of any progress. Despite this, RPC-XXX continues to trudge."
I must be a ghost that won't go to heaven or hell or whatever other place dead men end up until I bury my brother. And that will never happen until I'm in a quiet grassy field. I can't rest until he rests.
This is way too self aware for me to take it seriously. I suggest toning it down, or working on euphemisms or something. Plus it doesn't really sound period-accurate - suggest you read a few interviews of the time to get a hang of it.
Other than that, I feel like while it's a neat read it doesn't really convey what it wants to. Maybe it needs some larger sense of scale or time, something that can convey to the reader just how long and painful the path has been, maybe — which, I mean, you can kinda guess from the fact that it's been 105 years, but numbers don't do a really good job of conveying how long that is.
/forum/t-13990250/the-mourning-soldier#post-