RPC-789 - Rusted Screams
RPC-789 - Rusted Screams
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» RPC-789 - Rusted Screams
Summary:
A new RPC draft.
RPC-789 is contained on-site, a large fence has been installed around the parameter of the area. Four security personnel must guard the premises at all times. If any new radio transmissions from RPC-789 are received, they are to be taped and sent to Site-051 for archival purposes.
RPC-789 is contained on-site, with a large fence being installed around the perimeter of the area. Four ASF personnel must be guarding the area at all given times. Any new radio transmissions that come RPC-789, are to be taped and sent to Site-051 for archival purposes.
RPC-789 is an attraction named "Wet Willy's Underwater Voyage!!!" in an amusement park named "Highwater Mayhem" located in Orlando, Florida. The park was closed in 2004 due to poor attendance and high maintenance costs. The park is in severe disrepair, and many of the attractions are broken and dilapidated.
RPC-789 is an attraction named "Wet Willy's Underwater Voyage!!!" in an abandoned amusement park named "Highwater Mayhem" in Orlando, Florida. The park was officially closed in 2004 due to a lack of attendance and the high maintenance costs. The park is currently in severe disrepair, and a majority of the attractions are broken and/or dilapidated.
RPC-789 consists of a main entrance with a large sign listing the name of the attraction. There is also a docking station with a small purple submarine, the submarine has decals of what appears to be bubbles and various fish. The submarine is connected to a track that leads to a lake beyond the park, underneath the lake is a jumble of mechanical parts and objects pulled from various entertainment devices of the park, most numerous of which are robotic character props resembling mermaids, various different types of fish, a large sea serpent, and a large purple octopus.
RPC-789 consists of a main entrance with a large sign listing the name of the attraction up top. There is also a docking station with a small purple submarine, possessing decals of what appears to be bubbles and various species of fish. The submarine is connected to a track that leads to a lake beyond the park. Underneath the lake consists of various mechanical parts and objects that were pulled from various entertainment devices of the park, most consisting of robotic character props resembling mermaids, different fish species, a large sea serpent and a large purple octopus.
Addendum 789-1: On 1/29/21, Authority staff deployed a submarine scout drone fitted with a camera to see if RPC-789 contains anything that would be deemed a threat to Authority staff. The following is a list of objects seen that may be of importance in the research behind RPC-789.
Addendum 7891-1: On 1/29/21, Authority staff deployed a submarine scout drone fitted with an underwater camera to see if RPC-789 contained anything that would have been deemed hazardous. The following is a list of objects that are believed to be important to RPC-789.
Addendum 789-2: At 3:46 PM, the diver resurfaced with two of the six garbage bags. These bags were opened and the contents appeared to be multiple human bones in a heavy state of decomposition. These bones were tested and results proved they were human bones.
Addendum 789-2: At 3:46 PM, a CSD diver sent in, managed to resurface with two of the six garbage bags. When opened, the contents consisted of multiple human bones found to have been in a heavy state of decomposition.
Later that day, a diver was sent out to retrieve these bags for research purposes.
This is repeated in the addendum immediately following it.
Addendum 789-2: At 3:46 PM, a CSD diver sent in, managed to resurface with two of the six garbage bags. When opened, the contents consisted of multiple human bones found to have been in a heavy state of decomposition.
This being placed here gives the twist away too quickly.
It is suspected that the presence of these remains are the result of multiple premeditated murders by an unknown individual that was dismembering the corpses and disposing them into the lake for sacrificial purposes. The entity that RPC-789 refers to is said to be a world-ending entity that requires human sacrifice as sustenance to remain inactive. Current whereabouts and abilities of the entity are currently impossible to determine.
Way too straightforward a conclusion IMO. I suggest entirely removing this paragraph.
I'm not sure how to feel about it. I don't get how the lists of items relate to the narrative at hand, but the trash bags with remains are a pretty neat detail.
Again — I'm kind of ambivalent toward this. Not sure if the narrative is effective or ineffective in its minimalism — kinda like RPC-508. It could certainly be expanded with more elements, but it could also worsen the article.
This isn't very useful crit, so I apologize - suggest consulting someone else for feedback about this.
Hazard Types: Auditory Hazard
789 transmissions were never shown to be hazardous at all, it is arguable that RPC-789 is in fact Alpha-White.
Any new radio transmissions that come RPC-789, are to be taped and sent to Site-051 for archival purposes.
transmissions that originates from RPC-789 are to be
RPC-789 is an attraction named "Wet Willy's Underwater Voyage!!!" in an abandoned amusement park named "Highwater Mayhem" in Orlando, Florida.
Can be changed to: “RPC-789 is the attraction "Wet Willy's Underwater Voyage!!!" of the now-defunct "Highwater Mayhem" amusement park in Orlando, Florida.”
and a majority of the attractions are broken and/or dilapidated.
*Suggested Change:** the majority
RPC-789 consists of a main entrance with a large sign listing the name of the attraction up top.
You only listed the entrance and not the attraction itself being the entirety of RPC-789.
Underneath the lake consists of various mechanical parts and objects that were pulled from various entertainment devices of the park
Underneath the lake are various
(It is not clear whether these were added by the Park management or were the result of vandalizing by people, you DO NOT have a write it out loud of the reasoning, but you do have to give out indications to it)
All researchers involved with RPC-789 must use mobile phones as communication when surrounding the perimeter of RPC-789, as the use of radios and walkie talkies are only to be used to communicate with RPC-789.
This could be moved to Containment Protocols with some tweaking.
On 1/29/21
There is no reason given as to why all of these procedures were only enacted after so long since the park’s abandonment, this is not to say that you should now write a discovery log of it, but given the info I have it would be better if you just push the years a decade or so back.
I will say that you have something going for you with the old revision the day before when I read it. Now that you’ve remove all logs concerning the received transmissions, that anomaly now becomes meaningless.
Another suggestion for the logs, it was unclear when I read it and I think you could work with that, made it so that it appears as if the anomaly was telling you about the bodies, only for it to demand the corpse back once you taken it out. Thus changing it from benevolent to malicious.
Underneath the lake consists of various mechanical parts and objects that were pulled from various entertainment devices of the park, most consisting of robotic character props resembling mermaids, different fish species, a large sea serpent, and a large purple octopus.
"The bottom of the lake is covered by…"
The ruins beneath RPC-789 are sentient and possibly sapient, as the ruins are capable of communication via radio signal.
"ruins" isn't accurate here, i'd describe it more like "remains"
The following is a list of objects that are believed to be important to RPC-789's anomalous properties.
Why are they believed to be important?
RPC-789-1 began rising out of RPC-789 and proceeded to attack the researchers. RPC-789-1 resembles an animate decomposing corpse with algae, wild fungi, and other types of aquatic plants covering its form. RPC-789-1 is missing its right arm, and in its place is a sharpened bone. RPC-789-1's limbs are covered in robotic pieces that appear to have originated from RPC-789.
RPC-789-1 proceeded to attack the researchers with brute force, such as grabbing and throwing them to the ground. Reports of the incident indicate that RPC-789-1 was using its teeth and hands to bite and scratch the researchers, it also attempted to drag them into the lake, supposedly to drown them. Many efforts were made to stop RPC-789-1 from further attacking staff, all of which were ineffective. Staff attempted to fight RPC-789-1 back into the lake by pushing and pulling it towards the water. They managed to push RPC-789-1 back into the water, and it has not resurfaced since.
I frankly do not like this part. It kinda goes against the subtle dread of the rest of the article, and doesn't provide a powerful stinger - "creature came out and killed many" just doesn't cut it nowadays. Perhaps you could've closed it off describing it as a "moving mass" that stays in the bottom of the lake? That way you wouldn't reveal your creature and you could still have warning messages from the lake.
Other than that - I feel like this article could benefit from a less straightforward narrative. Try out making things more obtuse if you want to.
/forum/t-13989874/rpc-789-rusted-screams#post-