RPC-849 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-849.

TheGreatTarbolin69 04 Jan 2021 20:50

Most pics were edited by me or taken free from le internet

Picture from the last collapsible is: "Planet Explorers debut with Will Marshall's TED Talk" by jurvetson is licensed under CC BY 2.0 (https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/05dae827-8d03-4726-afe6-53bbfd65078a)

Thanks to Almarduk, 8ismo, Captain Grunbeld, Excer, DonnyFox, SovereignAuthority, Prototype_Toaster and Fortunae for the helpful crit

Link to the forum crit: http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-13953335/the-simons

And remember

THE SIMONS ARE ALWAYS WATCHING

Almarduk 04 Jan 2021 23:51

I absolutely adore this concept and the underlying symbology is right up my alley. The execution is, throughout the first half of the piece, genuinely outstanding.

However, I think that the quality in redaction and execution takes a sharp drop in the -C encounter log, and it does not fully recover during the ending of the piece. Past this point, the piece acquires a strongly expository tone that is less enjoyable to read through and does not flow as well as previous logs do. As this constitutes the punchline/conclusion of the article, it is particularly harmful to its overall quality.

+3 for now.

Von Pincier 05 Jan 2021 14:56

Seconding these comments 100%. This starts really, really strong, Tarb. It's engaging, it's creepy, it seems to be building to something, and then it just gets lost in this wall of exposition and clunky interviews. I'd cut like two-thirds of the addenda and trim what's left down to the bare minimum; the Simons are a lot creepier if their goals and motivations are left unexplained.

Prototype_Toaster 05 Jan 2021 00:21

not real. fake. 5/5

H F Dummie 16 Jan 2021 20:38

The first half bored me. The second half saves some of it by paying off the first part but then it becomes a bit apparent that the first half is there primarily to serve the second half instead of being adequately interesting in it's own right.

3 now.

Agent Eldritch 21 Feb 2021 23:15

Simon, esé!