RPC-972, Astronomical Intervention
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/dummie-s-sandbox-of-infinite-wonders
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Questions:
How was the ending?
RPC-972, Astronomical Intervention
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» RPC-972, Astronomical Intervention
Summary:
A laser that shoots at rocks.
972 is straight forward, to the point, and explains its use and function well enough to where I see no real issues with it in its current state. 467 obviously needs more work, however I feel as if certain sections could possibly be reorganized. Other than that, it's almost where it should be barring
Things I noticed.
The central spire of RPC-972 (designated RPC-972-1) is much less modular compared to RPC-972, providing schematics for only some of it's(*its. This is a possessive.) components.
Objects designated as trivial are not(to be) fired upon when it reaches the range of RPC-972. The exact factors in how RPC-972 determines this is unknown. (see Addendum 972.1)
The exact factors in how RPC-972 determines this is are unknown. (see Addendum 972.1)
Mission Abstract: To investigate attributes on extrasolar objects with determining factors which lead to it being designated as "concerning".
Could this be possibly be rephrased? "To investigate attributes on extrasolar objects with determining factors which lead to them being designated as "concerning".
Technology from RPC-972 is characterized by excessive fail-safes and over-engineering, with multiple systems overlapping. For example, RPC-972 is currently powered by 4 cataloged electrical power systems, consisting of two conventional nuclear fusion, one nuclear fission and one combustion turbine system. Each system is capable of supplying more than 200% of RPC-972's electrical supply while under normal operating conditions.
You could put this under the 972 recovery log.
I like the idea that there exists multiple reality versions of the Authority and there is some conflict between them. The concept itself fits very nicely with the lore of the Authority Extraterrestrial Defense Force and the overall arching lore of the Authority mythos. Needless to say, I didn't spot any real grammatical or spelling issues as I don't have much of an eye for that, but I'd say that I am hoping we get to see more of this storyline in the future in the form of a tale.
>AEDF article
>AEDF article that also deals with alt-timeline Authorities
YES CRIT GO NOW
Containment Protocols: The torch vessels AEDFS Italicize ship names. James Boy and AEDFS Kaiser Wilhelm are currently docked to RPC-972 via docking hatches specifically built to fit with the anomaly's hatchesdesigned for RPC-972. Personnel assigned to RPC-972 are to be stationed no more than 6 months at a time due to the negative effects of background cosmic radiation and microgravity. Tritium and liquid helium is to be supplied to RPC-972 after each firing sequence as fuel.
Update:Site-019 is to be placed on EMERED 21 during any extensive maintenance of RPC-972-1 which would render the anomaly incapable of activation.
Description: RPC-972 is the designation given to a modular orbital station currently in polar orbit around Triton I would clarify that this is the moon of Neptune, measuring 30.5 meters in length and 73.2 meters I would specify that it's cylindrical if it's only got two dimensions in width, capable of supporting a crew of 26 humans at standard consumption rates When you're dealing with resource consumption in a closed environment you have to specify how many for how long? 26 humans for 30 days? 26 humans for a year? And supporting them with what? Air? Water filtration? Some way of producing food?. RPC-972 is primarily constructed out of a titanium composite, capable of preventing material loss through vacuum by more than 2000% compared to contemporary spacecraft materials. This sentence is kind of awkward. Maybe something like "RPC-972 is of conventional construction for an orbital facility, though it is composed almost entirely of a previously-unknown alloy of titanium which is extremely resistant to surface damage resultant from vacuum and hard radiation exposure."?
Replacement of parts and modules for RPC-972 is relatively simple; pictograms and detailed schematics for nearly each part and module are available Available where? How do they make new parts if they can't copy the alloy?. RPC-972 is largely built around it's a central spire, with the rest of the station being dedicated to sensor arrays, power generation, habitation and life support I would specify what the rest of the station looks like? Also, if this thing contains a fusion reactor it would need gigantic radiators; like, several square kilometers of them. Or maybe something more exotic like liquid-metal droplet radiators? Point is, this thing would put off a ludicrous amount of heart.. The build of RPC-972 suggests design for a variety of body types and sizes. By build, do you mean internal layout? And what do you mean by body types and sizes? You suggesting this thing could be made for non-humanoids? I would put more into exploring the inside of the station and giving an idea of what it looks like.
The central spire of RPC-972 (designated RPC-972-1) is much less modular compared to RPC-972, providing schematics for only some of it's components. Again, how and where are these schematics provided? RPC-972-1 is a chemical oxygen iodine laser capable of outputting no less than 23 gWgigawatts of power. For how long? Is this single pulses or sustained? Is the laser something like the Authority might have? Anything anomalous about its construction? Also it might make sense to give an example of current human laser tech for comparison.
The primary purpose of RPC-972 appears to be the destruction of minor space objects on collision course with the Moon. The range of RPC-972 is 30.0598 AU (or precisely 15000 light-seconds), though on-board sensors are capable of tracking objects distancing 50000 light-seconds I would specify effective range, or the range to which its targeting systems are calibrated? Lasers in a vacuum have kind of an unlimited range, except the beam becomes more diffuse.. Note that RPC-972-1 does not activate until the object has reached approximately 30 AU from the sun2.
Objects of length greater than 25 meters are tracked by on-board sensors what kind of sensors? for several months as they enter the solar system. Tracked objects are determined to be either "trivial" or "concerning" by what? How does the Authority know this?. Objects designated as trivial are not fired upon should they enter RPC-972-1's effective range.. The exact factors in how RPC-972 determines this is unknown. (see Addendum 972.1)
RPC-972 spends 3 hours and 55 minutes charging a group of capacitors, before RPC-972-1 fires a short burst no longer than 3 seconds. This alters the course of the targeted projectile I would explain in a footnote how this works, with most targets missing the Moon entirely. RPC-972-1 cannot be fired for another 26 hours. Based off chemical erosion of RPC-972-1, it is believed that RPC-972-1 has been fired no less than 320 times before being registered by the Authority. This implies that the laser system will eventually wear out and break. Worth expanding on more, I think.
Upon discovery of RPC-972? When did this happen?, Document 972.1 was printed by one of RPC-972's on-board printers Printers imply a computer system; elaborate on this, a document consisted of simple pictograms, detailing the schematics and purpose of RPC-972, prefaced with the phrase "ARRIVAL AT BLOOM STATION. PHASE 1 COMPLETE.". What, that phrase in English? Also, what was this message printed on?
Addendum 972.1
During a period of extensive maintenance on RPC-972-1, an object was tracked by RPC-972; as RPC-972-1 would not be operational until the object entered within 0.5 AU of Earth, the AEDFS Kaiser Wilhelm and James Boy were deployed to intercept the object.
Mission Abstract: To investigate the attributes of extrasolar objects with a view to determining factors which lead to it being designated as "concerning" by RPC-972.
Assigned Units: AEDFS Kaiser Wilhelm, AEDFS James Boy, 18 crew members, 4 EVA.
Additional Information: Conducted at Solar Orbit Coordinates (27525, 89.24°, 271.20°), speed of object at 1520m/s.
<Begin Log>
I would add more explanation of the nature of the spacewalk. Maybe establish who's from what ship? Also, when did this happen? What year is this set in?
Yeung: Yeung, check.Hancock: Hancock, check.
Nichols: Nichols, check.
Bandetti: Bandetti, check. Moving towards object. Tethers are secure.
Yeung: Object looks to be… less than 30 meters. Would have probably burned up in the atmosphere.
Hancock: More than manageable. Let's work.
Bandetti: Remember, surface and deep rock samples. I don't wanna stay here any longer than needed.
Dasgupta: Tony, we'll need time to calculate the trajectory of the thing. Don't worry about wasting time.
[3 minutes pass. The EVA team lands on the object and collects rock samples.]
Hancock: Uh, the deep surface collector just broke. Switching drill tips.
Yeung: Bloody hell…
Hancock: Wasn't my fault; the interior seems unusually hard for an asteroid.
Bandetti: Stannum, send these small chunks back to Willy first for basic analysis. Ship nicknames are good, and the Kaiser Wilhelm is like the perfect name for an old AEDF ship.
Yeung: Roger. Don't fuck up another drill tip now.
Hancock: Screw you.
[16 minutes pass. The EVA team continues to collect samples.]
Bandetti: Cameron, get over here and take a picture. This looks weird.
Nichols: Understood… uh, definitely not natural.
Badetti: Language of some sort?
Nichols: Likely.
Bandetti: Material analysis, report.
Carret: Outer surface consists of regular C-Type asteroid minerals3. Still working on that deep level material.
Bandetti: I'm guessing it's not C-Type?
Carret: Nope, much denser. Wouldn't they have noticed it based on a gravitational analysis long before arriving? I don't think we have the gear to analyze it out here.
Dasgupta: Tony, we have an estimated impact site calculated. Granted, it's with Jimmy's computers…
Bandetti: As long as we have the data, the computers back on Earth should be able to give us good number. Let's finish up in 15 minutes. What do Jimmy's computers say? I appreciate your commitment to AEDF ships with terrible, outdated computers.
Dasgupta: Uh, impact within 7.8 km of Site-019.
Hancock: That's not in the kill zone…
Bandetti: This thing's a lot denser than any asteroid. Again, they should have realized this before they landed. Don't count on it.
Cameron: You sure about that trajectory?
Bandetti: Of course not; we've got 2000 bits of RAM here and only 19 minutes. Take that as you will.
Bandetti: We better burn for a lot longer than we planned for. I don't want this hitting anywhere near 019. Why are they in such a hurry on this spacewalk? If the thing is 0.5 AU from earth they have tons of time before a possible impact, no?
<End Log>
Closing Statements: The object was successfully decelerated using what?. Subsequent analysis of the object suggests a uranium-based core would they not have noticed how radioactive it was? and an impact zone 800 meters south of Site-019.
After adjusting the trajectory of the object, Document 972.2 was printed, with only the phrase "COLLISION AVERTED WITHOUT INTERVENTION. PHASE 2 INITIATED."
Addendum 972.2
9 months after discovering the man-made nature of the objects, an AM radio transmission was received by who, where? on the AEDF's standard emergency frequency. Triangulation of the signal revealed that its origin was a point source by all AM receivers receiving at an operating bandwidth used by the AEDF, originating approximately 0.4 light years outside the solar system. In what direction? away.
Was this transmission in Morse Code? In English audio? In what format was it received?
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
IT HAS COME TO ATTENTION THAT YOUR SYSTEM'S PRIMARY CELESTIAL OPERATIONS Group? Body? Clade? "Division" is a weird specific word here., THE "AUTHORITY EXTRATERRESTRIAL DEFENSE FORCE", MAKES SUBSTANTIAL USE OF NULL GRAVITY TECHNOLOGIES FOR CELESTIAL OPERATION. THIS IS AN UNACCEPTABLE VIOLATION OF ARTICLE 5, SECTION 22 OF THE "TREATY ON NULL GRAVITY NON-PROLIFERATION", SIGNED █████ ROTATIONS PRIOR.
FURTHERMORE, THE AEDF HAS MADE ACTIVE ATTEMPTS AT RESISTING ENFORCEMENT OF THE TREATY ; REFERENCE THE RECENT ILLEGAL INTERCEPTION OF PROJECTILE DESIGNATION 1411. CONTINUED COOPERATION (INTENTIONALLY OR OTHERWISE) WITH ANTI-TREATY GROUPS BY PERMITTING THE OPERATIONS OF THE FACILITY KNOWN AS BLOOM STATION WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.
WE FORMALLY REQUEST THE FOLLOWING:
1: THE IMMEDIATE CESSATION OF UNLAWFUL INTERVENTION AGAINST ATTEMPTS AT ERADICATING AEDF OPERATIONS
2: THE IMMEDIATE RETIREMENT AND DISMANTLING OF ALL SPACEFARING VESSELS UTILIZING NULL GRAVITY GENERATION.
3: A REIMBURSEMENT OF COSTS EQUIVALENT TO 220,000,000 LOCAL UNITS4 of [GOLD]5
FAILURE TO MEET ANY OF THESE DEMANDS WILL RESULT IN ESCALATING ACTION, INCLUDED BUT NOT LIMITED TO INCREASED BOMBARDMENT AND ACTIVE [VESSEL-BASED] Why is this in square brackets INTERVENTION.
Due to the significance of Null-Gravity technology within the AEDF, the transmission will be disregarded.
Dr. Gabriel Horanyi give this dude a title. Also, this end note could use some elaborating on.
Okay, so lots of comments, but not to say this is bad. This is a fun concept that absolutely dovetails with the lore. Absolutely love it, want to see it grow.
Footnotes
1. All critical data and Beta-class anomalies to be evacuated in 6 hours. Non-essential data and Gamma-class anomalies to be evacuated in 18 hours. Spacesuits to be available and wearable within 15 minutes by all personnel.
2. The approximate distance between the orbit of Neptune and the sun.
3. C-Type asteroids consists of carbon, rocks and other minerals. Forming around 75% of known asteroids.
4. Presumably kilograms or metric tons.
5. Shortened from detailed chemical descriptions. nice detail. Holds a cost equivalent to 68% of the United States GDP at the time.
Add these hazards
Ballistic, Extra-Terrestrial, Mechanical.
Update:Site-019
Needs a space
Site-019 are to be placed on EMERED 2
Is there meant to be something between site-019 and the word 'are'?
before being inoperable by chemical erosion.
change to "before becoming inoperable by chemical erosion."
number.What do Jimmy's computers say?
Missing a space.
AEDF Administrator Gabriel Horanyi
I'd do -AEDF Administrator Gabriel Horany.
I think the idea is pretty good, but needs more expanding on this other organisation attempting to prevent the AEDF from doing its stuff.
/forum/t-13959972/rpc-972-astronomical-intervention#post-