The Infinite Pool (RPC-331 Idea)
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
The Infinite Pool (RPC-331 Idea)
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» The Infinite Pool (RPC-331 Idea)
Summary:
This is a draft that I continuing :).
Crit ordered via Discord DM
Containment Protocols
with one steel door placed at the cell's entrance, closest to the cell's entrance.
"with one steel door placed at the cell's entrance."
Description
Their skin is blue in coloration
"Their skin will form a blueish pigmentation"
Final Thoughts
Ok, I don't have too much to say since I have critiqued this before but overall I give this a 4/5. I suggest you get at least 3 or 4 more people to critique it to be sure it will do good on the wiki. I like what you have created and Good luck!
Harold K Caztovski
Ok, I'm not gonna break this into pieces like I usually do because I don't have much more to say that needs changing. I think this is a well-done article and I give this a 5/5. That's my opinion at least, lets see what others think. I personally would like this on the main page.
Harold K Caztovski
RPC-331 is a backyard-in-ground swimming pool
"RPC-331 is a backyard in-ground swimming pool"
with only 5kms having been explored so far.
"with only 5 km" or "with only 5 kilometers"
Should any individual be in close proximity to RPC-331-1A, the anomaly will become hostile and attempt to execute the victim, and then drag the victim into RPC-331 and doing so will cause the lifespan of RPC-331-1A to extend another 15 minutes.
"Should an individual be within (insert radius) of RPC-331-1A, it will become hostile and attempt to kill the subject in order to drag them into RPC-331. Doing so will cause the lifespan of RPC-331-1A to extend by 15 minutes."
RPC-331 contains an indeterminate amount of red or orange-pigmented tentacles that are occasionally visible extending from an indeterminate point into the surface.
"RPC-331 contains an unknown amount of tentacles pigmented red or orange. These tentacles can occasionally be seen extending from an indeterminate point to the surface."
These are designated RPC-331-1B.
B-C? How many tentacles are there? Are they considered collective or individual?
When a subject dies within RPC-331, it is observed to be a type of nourishment for RPC-331-1B causing it to grow in strength, size, and population.
"When a subject expires within RPC-331, it has been observed to be a kind of nourishment for RPC-331-1B, causing them to grow in strength, size, and population."
Discovery: RPC-331 originated from a secluded 2 story house. This house is alone in its area and no person has been observed exiting or entering this house since June 5th [REDACTED]. A family of 4 had gone missing at this address, 2 passing drivers later reported seeing multiple blue zombie like entities later designated RPC-331-1A around their backyard pool. This event brought the attention to the Authority and followed up the report with an MST investigation. After 2 MST agents had gone missing in the investigation, to what is known as RPC-331-2, further casualties have been avoided by wearing hazmat suits while in proximity to RPC-331.
Discovery logs are cool but they're hard to pull off and can kinda take away from the "unknown" aspect of an RPC. I have no other comment on this.
Overall it's a very interesting RPC although I feel that there are so many different aspects of it that it can be a bit hard to keep track of. If I were to remove something from this RPC it would probably be the smurf zombies, instead using the tentacles for the kill when someone is telepathically drawn to the pool. 4/5 RPC m8 no deb8.
The best thing about this signature is that by the time you're done reading it you'll have realized it doesn't mean anything.
A few quick thoughts:
- You never actually state in the text that RPC-331-B is the tentacles, unless I missed something.
- "It was observed that when a subject expires within RPC-331, it has been observed to be a kind of nourishment for RPC-331-1B, causing them to grow in strength, size, and population. This also causes RPC-331-1B to surface more in quicker intervals." These sentences need work.
- This is missing lots of fairly important details, like… what are the surface dimensions of the pool? What happens if you try to drill into it from outside? Why do they put it in a giant box? Why does air humidity affect containment? What happens if you try to just seal the top of the pool? Where is the pool located? Who made it? How long does it take the -1As to reanimate? Has the Authority been able to autopsy -1As or sever any pieces of -1B?
- Why does the Authority explore the pool with a person and not an ROV? Wouldn't a cheap robot be a lot less valuable than a CSD who is a trained deep-sea diver?
- The logs are tonally a lot messier than the rest of the article, and the ending is reeeeeal cheesy. Break up your paragraphs more, and remember to keep your scientific tone consistent even when explaining things.
It was observed that when a subject expires within RPC-331, that body is some kind of food source for RPC-331-1B, causing them to grow in strength, size, and population. This also causes RPC-331-1B to surface more in quicker intervals.
I think it was referring to the tentacles above, in that case please refer to them as RPC-331-1B
that body is some kind of food source for RPC-331-1B
Change 'that' to 'their'.
After 20 minutes past the ASF officer surfaced and appeared to have no face and had blue skin and walked as if he was intoxicated.
at about 4.5 meters down and he wasn't seen for 20 minutes.
at about 4.5 meters, the ASF officer had not been see for 20 minutes.
Change it so it says that he became an RPC-331-1A instance.
After several minutes of the ASF officer suffering fatal blunt force traumas
Get rid of the 's' at the end.
/forum/t-13948079/the-infinite-pool-rpc-331-idea#post-