http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/christmas-everyday
Any tips and/or suggestions would be nice. I also wanna make sure the clinical tone is good since I am still learning to write with that tone.
Harold K Caztovski
2 ASF
2 ASF personnel
out of the rapping
wrapping
12:00 Am
AM
RPC-926-1 to RPC-926-9 resemble decorative Christmas trees with multi-colored lights, multiple glued on ornaments, and a red bow tied to the top
Try rewriting this sentence to something along the lines of this: RPC-926 instances resemble decorative Christmas trees with decorations including multi-colored lights, glass and plastic ornaments, and a red bow or star on the top.
This is a very short idea, which there is nothing wrong with. I do not feel as if you need to expand upon it at all, it's a fine short and "heart warming" idea. Does what it needs to do and that's it, that's about the extent of what I am going to say.
3/5 for a very simple article that I do not feel strongly one way or another about
Hazard Types: None
I'd add Grouped Hazard
As of now, it is not possible to see how these RPC-926-A instances appear and mostly appear in a blink of an eye.
Change to "As of now, it is not possible to see how these RPC-926-A instances appear, as most have appeared the moment Authority personnel blink."
As of now, instances of RPC-926 and RPC-926-A have not been seen having any type of hazardous properties. Testing to prove otherwise has been halted and future attempts of testing RPC-926 will be denied.
I feel like the last sentence belongs in the containment procedures.
There is also no information on how these RPC-926-A instances are created.
There is currently information regarding the creation of RPC-926-A instances.
As of now
Change to "As of to date"
This theme was always highly underdeveloped, I recommend you just use the normal one or ask. Nevermind, I asked Pierson to fix it.
The image: RPC-926-4 in a residential home before being confiscated and contained
RPC-926-4 in a residential home prior to confiscation by Authority assets.
Hazard Types: None
It clearly has, such as Transmutation Hazard and Grouped Hazard,
RPC-926-1 to RPC-926-9 must be kept in a 45m x 45 m x 6m containment storage located at Site-015.
That is a SHIT-TON of space my guy, did you meant "are to be kept in an Alpha-Containment warehouse at Site-015"?
All instances of RPC-926-A are to be taken out of the wrapping and donated to the government program Toys for Tots in order to decrease the number of RPC-926-A instances crowding the storage chamber.
All RPC-926-A instances produced during the holiday season are to be taken out of their wrapping and delivered to the goverment progream "Toys for Tots" in order to decrease the number of instances kept inside the warehouse at any time.*
The Authority must go by the name "RPC Organization"1 in order to be seen as an ordinary donation organization.
Too on the nose imo, would be more simple to just use a normal sounding front-company, make it just be a single anonymous donor, or just deliver them via goverment employees.
RPC-926 instances resemble decorative Christmas trees with decorations including multi-colored lights, glass and plastic ornaments, and a red bow or star on the top.
RPC-926 instances resemble ordinary commercial Christmas trees including decorations such multi-colored LED lights, glass and plastic ornaments, and a red bow or start at their top.*
RPC-926's anomalous effects do not occur until approximately 12:00 AM when a total of 5 instances of RPC-926-A will appear once every night in a full year. As of now, it is not possible to see how these RPC-926-A instances appear and mostly appear in a blink of an eye. There is also no information on how these RPC-926-A instances are created.
(You also missed to describe what -A even is)
RPC-926's anomalous effect occurs every day at approximately 12:00 AM, where a total of 5 apparently inocuos children toys, now referred to as RPC-926-A, will appear at its base. As of writing, it is impossible to see or record the way on which RPC-926 instances manifest, seemingly just appearing in the blink of an eye. No information regarding the manufacturing of RPC-926-A instances has yet been found.*
As of now, instances of RPC-926 and RPC-926-A have not been seen having any type of hazardous properties. Testing to prove otherwise has been halted and future attempts of testing RPC-926 will be denied.
Currently, no hazardous properties have been attributed to both RPC-926 and RPC-926-A instances. Testing to prove otherwise has been halted under the grounds of it being unnecessary, and so, requests for such will be denied.*
You could put this in a quotebox
It would look better
imo
Upon retrieval of RPC-926-7, RPC-926-8, and RPC-926-9 it was noted that these instances had been placed on display with a sign which read the following
Correct, you never mentioned anything regarding their origin or how they were discovered, I think that could be nice, like some association of mall santas gathering up these trees to give presents to children. Would also make sense for why the Authority later used this anomaly to give presents to children.
Amazing! Co. Presents the Everyday Christmas Tree! Tired of having to wait an entire 365 days until Christmas again? That is now a problem of the past when you buy the Everyday Christmas Tree! This tree will give you the amazing feel of Christmas morning every day of the year!
Cool, but it lacks Amazing! Co. shit grammar and wierd wording, I recommend taking a look at some of the og AC articles, or some of the new ones too to understand that better.
I really liked it, very wholesome and simple article, 4 stars after fixes imo
Heyo wassup! I am going to be critting this article!
Description:
glass and plastic ornaments
glass/plastic
a red bow or start at their top
"a red bow placed at the top."
Question: Does it work by telling if a person as 'naughty or nice' or randomly to those in the vicinity. Or just random in general.
Discovery:
a group of interest which manufactures anomalous objects to sell for profit
put this in parenthesis or in footnotes
OVERALL:
I just think this should be a tad longer but its a really nice article. psst don't tell the Authority but I have an instance in my room. :D
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
Whatchu got?
Registered Phenomena Code: 926
Object Class: Alpha-White
[[include component:hazards top-spacing=none|grouped=true|transmutation=true]]
Containment Protocols: RPC-926-1 to RPC-926-10 are to be kept in an Alpha-Containment warehouse Kept in what in the warehouse? I'm imagining a giant empty room with 9 christmas trees in a corner. at Site-015. The storage must be guarded by no less than 2 ASF personnel to ensure no one enters RPC-926's containment before or after Christmas time. Wouldn't any warehouse containing RPCs be guarded? Also, "before or after Christmas" is… the entire year.
All RPC-926-A instances produced during the holiday season are to be taken out of their wrapping and delivered to the government program "Toys for Tots" in order to decrease the number of instances kept inside the warehouse at any time. This is cute.
The Authority must go by the name "Rudolph's Present Charity Organization" to appear as an ordinary toy donation company. I think it would make sense to establish this as an Authority front company.
Currently, no hazardous properties have been attributed to both RPC-926 and RPC-926-A instances. Testing to prove otherwise has been deemed unnecessary.has been halted under the grounds of it being unnecessary, and so, requests for such will be denied.
Description: RPC-926 instances resemble ordinary commercial Christmas trees including decorations such as multi-colored LED lights, glass/plastic ornaments, and a red bow or star placed at the top. Commercial christmas trees made of what? What dimensions? What colours? Are the material anomalous? DETAILS!
RPC-926's anomalous effect occurs every day at approximately 12:00 AM Local time? What time zone? Does the time change if the trees are moved?, where a total of 5 apparently innocuous children's toys, now referred to as RPC-926-A, will appear at its base. As of writing, it is impossible to see or record the way in which RPC-926 instances manifest, seemingly just appearing in the blink of an eye You can state this in a more clinical fashion, I'm sure.. No information regarding the manufacturing of RPC-926-A instances has yet been found Elaborate on this? Do they lack markings? Are they identical to commercially-produced toys?.
RPC-926-A instances resemble ordinary Christmas gifts with multiple styles of gift wrapping and multiple shapes and sizes. Within each RPC-926-A instances are toys usually given to children. To date, the oddest object unwrapped was an AR-15. It is still unknown as to why a firearm was inside an instance of RPC-926-A although this was the only time in which a weapon had been found within an RPC-926-A instance. Why do you describe the wrapping after the presents? Also, again, is the paper anomalous? What sizes and shapes do they take? Are there fingerprints on the wrapping paper? The tone on the description of the AR-15 is also off, and, again, be specific. What kind of AR-15? Chambered in what? What maker?
RPC-926 first came to the attention of the under the Authority's watchlist after a mall security guard Where, when, who?reported multiple decorative Christmas trees restocking gifts bellow them without anyone having to place them, claiming it happened as if Santa himself placed them without him knowing. Where did this happen? Over how long? What happened to the security guard afterwards? DEEEEEETAILS.
Further investigation led the Authority to a group of apparent mall Santas who had known of RPC-926's anomalous properties. The mall Santa's were identified as members of Amazing! Co., a group of interest which manufactures anomalous objects to sell for profit. I dunno if mall santas fit the Amazing Co! M.O. For one thing, they tend to be less… generous than this. They're kind of defined by products that don't work well, and they're definitely not benevolent. Plus, for the most part it's normal to avoid giving a human face to Amazing Co, or addressing anything about employees. It makes them more sinister.
These mall Santas had been utilizing RPC-926's anomalous abilities to give gifts to children. Said mall Santas were detained for further questioning. RPC-926-1 through 5 were confiscated afterward.
Upon retrieval of RPC-926-8, RPC-926-9, and RPC-926-10 it was noted that these instances had been placed on display with a sign which read the following:
Amazing! Co. Greatly Presents the Great Everyday Christmas Tree! No wait for next Christmas to have gifts now that you have this! Buy one and it become Christmas Every single day of the whole year! Merry Christmas from Amazing! Co.
As of to date, no new instances of RPC-926 have been discovered.
I think this is lacking a lot of important detail, and I think it doesn't reeeeeaally make sense as an AC article. Academy of True Art might make something like this, though?
