Alright, so here's the deal. I'm actually willing to let other writers who have knowledge of little known history to put their piece of history in here for experiments. That does come with the caveat of me having the editorial power to remove(or even add to it) anything if I choose to.
Also oh deargod this is my first article.
Pretty nice article, and i think that the fact that the experiment logs are a soon-to-be collaboration with other users is interesting. Although, this seems rather bare in terms of non-test log content, but that really isn't much of a problem.
Good read. :hug:
3 stars
Congrats on your first article! If you're looking to make it a collaborative document, please tag it with "collaboration."
Some thoughts.
Registered Phenomena Code: 718
Object Class: Alpha-White (UT)
Hazard Types: Contact Hazard, Sensory Hazard, Immeasurable, Psychotronic Hazard
Containment Protocols: RPC-718 is to be held within a standard Alpha-class storage room If this thing is just a whistle, wouldn't a locker or sealed box make more sense? If it's a delicate antique, I might also throw in something about temperature and humidity control as well, but that's the museologist in my talking. within Site-015's Storage Sector. Tests conducted are to be approved by Head Researcher Stevenson, and are to be observed by one ASF officer or one researcher.
Description: RPC-718 is a First World War (World War One is only a formal designation in the US) trench whistle made by the ██████ Company in the year 1917, as indicated by inscriptions inscribed on its front face. Dimensions? Weight? Are the materials anomalous? Is the company a real one? Does it show signs of wear and tear or damage given its age? Be specific and detailed. When held and blown By a person? Can a monkey blow it? Can you hook it up to a compressed air cylinder?, RPC-718 causes the individual using it to go into a comatose state for a period of 30 to 120 seconds. What if they're unconscious when they blow it? I would also be more specific about comatose state- we talking full loss of consciousness but still breathing, or like total respiratory failure kind of thing? There are degrees of coma, aren't there? Upon going into this comatose state, the individual will enter a dream state Not great tone in this whole section. What about, "Subjects experience vivid dreams or audiovisual hallucinations in which they experience historical battles from the perspectives of ancestors who were involved in those battles. The earliest conflict experienced by an RPC-718 subject is the Sack of Rome, etc… where they will "relive" battles from their ancestors' past from as recent as the Conflict in Syria to as far back as the Sack of Rome in 410 A.D. Upon waking up from this state, subjects will report having acquired knowledge they did not previously possess. The attained expertise varies from one experience to another, but has included the sudden comprehension of a language, developping proficiency with weapons or tools commonly used by an ancestor, etc. examples including languages spoken and skill proficiencies of the subject's ancestor.
Discovery: RPC-718 was found in ██████, Afghanistan during an ambush of UK and US-based coalition forces along MSR1 Holstead Specify where exactly this is. And when, for that matter.. Following this ambush, SSgt. Wilson First name? What force? What country? would be cut off from nearby friendly forces due to insurgent fire. In order to draw the attention of friendly forces to wounded around him, SSgt. Wilson would used the object this whistle as a means to communicate with his nearby teammates who would be drawn to the sound and provided first aid to the wounded soldiers, but would find Wilson unconscious. You've got this all conjugated in future tense for some reason, why? Also, you don't actually explain where Wilson found the whistle, or why he didn't already have something on him that might be able to make noise. Following the ambush, Wilson would be treated by medical personnel and would file an after action report in which he described falling unconscious after using the whistle. This alerted Authority Central Intelligence agents embedded at Bagram Air Force Base who would secure RPC-718 and amnesticize SSgt. Wilson. MST X-Ray Six would create a counter narrative explaining the events as a traumatic brain injury incurred from an improvised explosive device attack. Wouldn't it have been simpler to just say "he experienced a head wound in combat?
Test Subject | Testing | Result |
---|---|---|
CSD-122193, a Hispanic male in his late-20's. | CSD-122193 entered a comatose state and received a concussion following a fall upon hard tile. | (Due to this injury, all uses of XX You forgot to update here. are to be done on an Authority provided couch with test subjects in a sitting or lying down position.) CSD-122193 reported dreaming of being a Spanish conquistador who battled Aztecs during the Spanish Colonial period. |
ACI Agent Mark Diaz, late-20's, a first generation Filipino-American. | Diaz, after he signed multiple release waivers If using this thing requires signing a waiver, put it in the containment. and insisted on using the whistle, went into a comatose state while slumped over against the couch. | Upon waking up, Diaz reported that he had looked at a picture of his great grandmother, prayed that he would make it back to his family in Tagalog, and took part in the Raid of Cabanatuan. Alongside this, Diaz reported attaining knowledge on how to operate a Browning 1919 machine gun, conducting guerilla ambush tactics, a greater understanding of Tagalog, and new ways to prepare Tilapia I would explain that this is a fish, and not a specific kind of food.. |
ASF Officer Randall Briar, late-20's, American with English ancestry. | Officer Briar consented to being put under an MRI where Dr. ██████ would discover that subjects under the influence would enter a state of REM2 sleep. | Individuals under the influence of 718 would have increased brain activity while in a comatose state as shown by Officer Briar's MRIs. Officer Briar reported himself, "oiling up other dudes" getting ready for the Battle of Cannae. When asked on his sexual preferences, Officer Briar continued to reaffirm that, "he was as straight as a line". Alongside this, Officer Briar reported new found knowledge of the Latin language. |
MST SSgt. DeWitt, mid-20's, carries Native American/Caucasian ancestry. | DeWitt’s would enter the same comatose state as previous subjects. | DeWitt reported his part in the Battle of Wounded Knee, shooting down multiple Native American tribesmen who were clearly surrendering. DeWitt also reported a sudden interest in lever action rifles. |
Oliver Wiśniewski, early-30's, Polish ancestry. | Wiśniewski's results would repeat, however an ASF officer was continually trying to readjust his seating position. | Wiśniewski reported being in the Auschwitz concentration camp, and waking up upon the observation of being gassed in the showers. Wiśniewski is no longer an avid Holocaust denier. |
ASF Officer, Michael Thomas, American with English ancestry. | Thomas fell asleep on the couch with no noticeable issues. | Thomas reported being a part of the Sack of Rome and destroyed one of many statues of Julius Caesar. Thomas would report knowledge on the Latin language, and was able to read certain Latin phrases fluently. |
ACI Agent James O'Reilly, an Irish-American in his late 20's. | O'Reilly fell asleep with no incident. | O'Reilly reported fighting for the Irish Republican Army during the Troubles as his father. Unlike past subjects, O'Reilly's father is still alive, being held in HM Prison ██████ for his role in the deaths of six British soldiers and the death of a policeman in London. |
MST SSgt. Carson, American ancestry with English heritage. | Carson fell asleep with no issues. | Carson reported his part in the Battle of Peking, and made particular note of his role in gunning down Boxer militants as a British infantryman with the Eight Nation Alliance. Carson reported new found knowledge of the Mandarin language. |
Chef Jonathan Wilcox, early-30's, American descent. | Wilcox fell asleep with no outstanding incident. | Wilcox reported visions of his grandfather, a cook in the Vietnam war at Khe Sahn, and reported being shot before waking up. |
ACI Agent Kimiko Ito, early-40's, Japanese descent. | Ito fell asleep with no issues. | During her dream, Ito reported visions of her grandfather's role in the Pearl Harbor attacks as a Japanese aviator, and would only awaken when she was reportedly shot by American defense forces. |
CSD-268498, early-20's, American descent. | CSD-268498 fell asleep with no issues. | CSD-268498 reported themselves as a Commander of a Bradley IFV3 during the 2003 Invasion of Iraq and would report knowledge on the armored warfare tactics and a new found ability to eat quickly. Upon further research, CSD-268498 would learn that his estranged father was still alive as of ██/██/███. |
MST Specialist Mikhail Antonov, early-30's, first generation Russian-American immigrant. | Specialist Antonov fell asleep with no incident. | Antonov reported visions of their father's role as an infantry officer during the first Battle of Grozny and their subsequent death at the hands of Chechen insurgents. |
Michael Smith, mid-50's, English ancestry. | Smith fell asleep with no issues. | Smith, a history major, reported a vision of fighting at the Battle of Rorke's Drift in 1879 alongside British infantrymen as a Quartermaster. Smith developed a deeper understanding of military logistics for 19th century England. |
Why do you have a huge block of blank text here.
Overall, it's a promising collaborative concept, which I think you haven't delved deeply enough into. You also have constant weird tense issues. 3 for now, but I think this is a concept which could be elevated with a lot of polish.
Article feels amateurish. Formatting is off and the idea/execution isn't as good.
I am very sorry, Don.